The Aftermath
by Linny2009
Summary: Haley Scott's husband's dreams get crushed, leaving him an alcoholic and her marriage in shambles. After taking their young son and moving out of the house, can Haley and Nathan ever rebuild their marriage? Can they get it all back? Naley.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: So, I've been working on this story for a while now...probably since a few weeks after Season 5 premiered, and I've had this goal to get it completed before I posted it, but that goal fell through. It's not completed, but I do have a lot done, and I wanted to go ahead and start sharing it. It starts out after Haley tells Nathan that he will have nothing if things don't change...I wanted to write what would happen if Haley did really leave him. So here you go...hope you enjoy and feedback is always appreciated! **

**-Lindsay**

* * *

This is getting so hard. All of it. Nathan's drinking. Jamie's running into my bedroom every night. All the crying I seem to spend my time doing. All the bottles that are chucked into the trash can every day. None of this seems fair. I don't understand why this had to happen to us.

I sigh, leaning back on my pillow, thinking of the day's events. Nathan and I got into it again. Finally, I told him that if things didn't change, he would have nothing. Jamie and I would leave him. And quite frankly, it's looking that way now. I don't want to put my son at risk because his father is an alcoholic. But I'm being selfish about this too. I don't want to stay here because Nathan is breaking my heart.

"Mama! Mama!" My little four year old son jumps into the bed I used to share with his daddy. "Daddy's throwing things again!" he exclaims, snuggling into my side.

"I know, Jamie." I put my arm around him and pull him as close to me as possible. Jamie's a comfort to me these days. He's about the only person I want to see anymore. He's the only one that can make things seem not as bad as they really are. "Let him do it," I say softly.

In the beginning, when Nathan started throwing these temper tantrums of a twenty-one year old man, I fought them. I didn't want him throwing things around our house and ruining them. Eventually, I got sick of fighting him on them though. I just let him do whatever now. I can't fight him anymore. It's not worth it, consideringall he does is throw an even bigger one when I ask him not to.

"He's gonna break something, Mom!" Jamie protests, his eyes wide and questioning. "He already broke my basketball hoop! Remember?"

I nod. Jamie is pretty smart for his age - smarter than most four year olds. He is very observant about what goes on around him, and he knows when things are wrong with me or with Nathan. He's known for months that something is wrong with his daddy, and it's not just because Nathan's wheeling himself around in that damn chair all day and not even trying to walk again. Although, I'm sure that contributes to it.

When I hear glass shatter, I've had enough. He can throw as much as he wants, but when things that I'm almost positive mean something to me are breaking, Ican't handle it. "Jamie," I say sternly. "You stay in here, okay? Mama's going to shut the door so I can talk to your daddy."

I look down at my shorts and tank top, wondering if I should put on a robe before I go downstairs, but then again, what's the point? Nathan doesn't care, and I sure as hell don't. It doesn't matter what I look like to him. He's still going to throw his tantrums. I could put on a wedding dress and beg him to marry me again, and he wouldn't even blink an eye.

I used to have this effect on Nathan when we were younger. I was the only one who could get through to him, the only one who could calm him. That kind of eased off when our son was born. I still held that power, but usually all Nathan had to do was look in Jamie's eyes, identical to his own, or pick him up, and he would be fine. And now, no one or nothing can help him.

"Nathan?" I ask tentatively. I know exactly what he's doing, but I'm still nervous to go around him. He's pretty volatile these days - ever since that accident right after he was drafted into the NBA. Nathan was thrown through a window because of fighting in a bar. He got a pretty big chunk of glass lodged in his spine, and he's temporarily paralyzed. It will probably turn permanent though, with the way he completely ignores the rehabilitation process. I know it's a lot worse than I'm making it sound, but it's been like this for four months now. I'm used to it. "Hey," I say when he wheels around to face me, dropping the picture frame that he's holding.

Crash. Well, there's more glass for me to clean up later on.

"What?" he asks gruffly. I know he doesn't want me around him. I know he wants to sit here and throw everything, but these pictures and memories belong to me too, and I won't have him destroying them. They were the happy times - the times I would give anything to have back.

"You, uh, you want to tell me what you're throwing now?" I question, unsure how to begin this. We've had these fights a million and one times, but what do you say in situations like these really?

"Pictures," he says simply and turns himself around. When he reaches for another one off the coffee table, I storm over and take it from him. "Haley!" he objects.

"These are MY pictures, Nathan! I took them, I framed them, and I don't want you ruining them!"

"I'm breaking the glass, Haley," he replies, rolling his eyes. He reaches around me then, and grabs his beer. Lovely.

"You could be scratching the pictures!" I yell. We both know this isn't about the pictures though. It's about something else. Something deeper that isn't going to go away by sweeping it up like I will with the glass after Nathan drinks himself into a stupor.

"Well I don't give a shit," he says stubbornly. "I'm sure it was my money that paid for these frames anyway."

"Whatever, Nathan," I mutter, bending down to pick up some of the larger pieces of glass.

"What do these matter for?" he asks, stopping me from what I'm doing.

I look up at him. "What do you mean?"

"They're pictures of people that we used to be. That guy there" -he points to himself in a photo on the day Jamie was born- "he doesn't exist anymore."

"He used to, and I don't want to forget that he did." I resume what I'm doing. I sigh when I see the five empty beer bottles thrown on the floor as well. Will this hellever end?

"Doesn't matter. He's never gonna be again. That guy there…he could walk and run and jump, and he was a basketball player. He was going into the NBA. He gave his son piggy back rides and carried his wife to their bed when they were going to screw around while their son slept. You know that guy anymore, Haley?" he asks me, looking down and taking a sip of his beer. He looks back up at me. "Because I sure don't."

"If you would just try this rehab thing!" I scream at him. I can't take it anymore. All I want to do is yell and scream at him. Nothing is ever easy with him. It never hasbeen, but we've always worked through it, and now…now I'm not so sure. "If you would try this, Jamie would have his father back and I would have my husband! But you're too damn stubborn to try!"

"It won't do any good!" he shouts back. "I failed, Haley! I failed you and everyone else! I'm done!"

It really breaks my heart to hear him saying this. Nathan, no matter what he thinks, has never failed me. He has never given up when things have gotten hard. He hasalways just pushed and pushed to make it, and make things good for our family. It's who he is….well, who he was, I guess. He's apparently done now. "You're done?"

"Yeah. You might as well move out, Haley. I can't be who you want me to be anymore."

And there it is. Nathan has finally spoken what I have thought about so many times these past few weeks. He told me to move out, and you know what? Maybe it is for the best. This circle we're running in…it's getting us nowhere.

"Okay." I nod. "I'll, um, I'll get some things together for me and Jamie, and we'll leave in the morning." I mentally start running through what I need to take withme…as well as where we're going to stay. I start to think of the hotel across town, but Tree Hill is a small town, and I don't want everyone knowing that Jamie and I left Nathan when he's at the worst point in his life. Then I remember that Karen and Lily are out of town, and Luke is staying at their house. That's when I decide Jamie and I will go there. Jamie loves his Uncle Lucas, and plus, he's my best friend. That's a bonus.

"Okay," he answers. I know that the conversation is finished then and there. I want him to beg me to stay. I want him to tell me that things will work out eventually, and that he'll try to do the rehab. I want him to say that he'll do whatever it takes for all of us to be okay again. But he isn't going to say any of those things, I realize, as I stare at the back of his wheelchair.

--

"You're sure it's okay that we stay here?" I question Lucas that afternoon. Jamie has surprised us both by falling asleep, but then again, I should have known. He was up late last night with me. He couldn't sleep with my sobbing, and I was too selfish to let him go back into his own bedroom.

"Haley, you're family. It's fine," he assures me. "You know Mom's not going to care at all, and I love having you two here. It's easier on Lindsey too, you know," he says, talking about his girlfriend. "She hates when I'm by myself."

"Nahh." I shake my head. "She's just afraid that some young novelist like yourself is going to run out and meet a bunch of adoring fans."

He scoffs at that. "I haven't been able to crank out anything in terms of writing in months, Hales. I highly doubt I still have adoring fans."

"Me!" I exclaim happily. Really, my best friend is talented. It's amazing that he wrote a novel before he was even done with college. I had no idea he was writing it either. It really surprised me when he showed me the copy of it his mom had bound together for him as a graduation present.

"You don't count. You have to like my book. You're in it," he points out, ruffling my hair. He used to do that when we were teenagers, and I get nostalgic for a minute. I wish we could go back in time, if only just for a minute or two. I wish we could go back to the good old days, when it was just me and Luke. Us two against the world. I miss that.

"I would like it even if I wasn't in it," I tell him honestly.

"Thanks." He smiles and me and we make our way into his bedroom. It's pretty much been our hang out since we were little kids. Plopping down in his desk chair, his expression turns sour.

"What?" I shouldn't have asked; I'm sure I already know what that expression is about.

"Haley…" He waits until I get settled on his bed and continues. "You and Nate…what's going to happen?"

I shrug. I can't form any words right now…at least words that make sense to Lucas. And plus, I know as soon as I start talking about this, I'll cry. And I hate crying in front of him. I know he's seen me cry a thousand times, but I still don't like him to. "My main focus is Jamie," I manage to get out. "He has to be, Luke. I tried with Nathan."

"I know, but there's got to be more you can do!" he fights me. "Take him to counseling, Hales. Do something!"

"Lucas!" I nearly shout at him. "What am I supposed to do?! Nathan doesn't want help. I tried and tried. Everyone tried with him, and no one could get through…noteven looking at his son made him want to try."

"I don't buy that." He shakes his head. "Why is this happening?" he wonders out loud, and as I look into his eyes, I know how much he is hurting over this. He and Nathan were extremely close, and these days, Nathan won't even give him the time of day.

"He drinks a lot, Luke, and-"

"NO!" he interrupts me. "Don't you make excuses for him, Haley Scott. Do not absolve him in any way. He doesn't deserve it anymore. Nathan doesn't deserve you as a wife, and he doesn't deserve to have fathered Jamie!"

That does it. I may be extremely pissed at Nathan. And I may have moved out of the house I shared with him, and I may have taken his son away from him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to have fathered Jamie. Nathan was the most amazing father to Jamie until all this crap went down. I know Lucas knows that. "Take that back," I whisper fiercely. "He loves him. I know he does." Maybe I'm saying that more for my benefit than Lucas's…Nathan hasn't showed anyone that he loves them for a long time now.

"I'm not saying he doesn't!" He throws his hands in the air. "All I'm saying is, Jamie and you deserve better. I hate sitting here looking at you hurting and knowing that my brother is the cause of it!"

"Yeah, we all deserve better than the hands we got dealt," I mutter. "And you're hurting too, Lucas. Don't pretend you're not. I can see it every time I look at you. I know it's killing you that Nathan's going through it and you can't do anything about it."

"Of course I'm hurting," he says. "I'm not saying I'm not. What I'm saying is Nathan has hurt you far more than me because I'm not his life partner…and Jamie…Jamie is the one who will suffer the most, Haley. That's what upsets me…the man who helped make that little boy in there" -he jerks his thumb behind him, motioning to Karen's room where Jamie is sound asleep- "is hurting him that much."

"I don't know what to do," I admit softly. "I don't want to stay there with him, but I don't want him to be alone either. I don't want him drinking himself away. Jamie needs him, Lucas. And I do too." I know my voice cracks on that last part, and I can feel a tear make its way down my cheek.

"Then you have to get him back," he tells me, and I know he's right. I've always known I have to get him back. I guess I needed Lucas to say it for me. Now all I have to do is figure out how…and it's easier said than done.

--

Lucas looks over at me from the driver's seat of his car and gives me a little smile. "You sure you're ready?"

It's been a little over a week since I packed up Jamie and left to stay at Lucas's. Lindsey is back in town for a few days, so I decided that I would go talk to Nathan for a few hours so they can have some time alone. Jamie is staying with Peyton and Brooke for a little bit, and they absolutely adore him so it really doesn't matter how long I leave him there. They'll keep each other entertained. Ever since Peyton and Brooke came back to Tree Hill, they have wanted to spend time with Jamie, and they haven't gotten much of a chance, what with everything that's going on…so I decided to take them up on their offer of watching him.

I haven't really spoken to Nathan since we left either. I know Lucas has been by to see him. He said the house is a mess, but I'm not surprised. He also said that Nathan was pretty drunk when he was there, but I shouldn't worry about it because he's almost out of alcohol and he has no way to get any more. He can't drive, obviously. I let Jamie talk to him a couple of times on the phone also, but they were very brief conversations. I wasn't sure how drunk Nathan was when they talked, and I didn't want to subject our son to that. I speak to him for about the span of two minutes when I do call him. There's not really much to say at this point.

"I'll be fine, Lucas." I return his hesitant smile and jump out of the car, unlocking the door to our house. I remember the day we got this house. Nathan told me that we should get it because it was time to get used to the fact that dreams were coming true for us. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare now.

As soon as I enter the foyer, I am overcome by the smell of alcohol. It completely reeks in here. I walk into the living room, and Lucas was right - it is trashed. There are empty bottles everywhere along with shattered glass and torn up pictures. Nathan was throwing fits again. How wonderful. I hope he's okay, and that the glass didn't cut his hand. "Nathan?" I call out, hoping he'll come right out and tell me he's sorry. But he won't, and I know that. "Nathan!"

I hear some coughing and I know exactly where it is coming from. He's outside on our back patio. He left the door open; that's how I could hear him. "Hey," I greet softly when I walk outside.

"Haley." He doesn't even look at me. He just keeps staring at the pool. I know he's been in it since his accident. The doctors were even hopeful that it would help with his rehab, but Nathan never even attempted it. He just kind of floated around.

"How, um, how are you?" I walk around his wheelchair so I can see his face. He looks horrible - like he hasn't slept in days. His hair was already ridiculously shaggy, so there's nothing new there. But the scruffiness of his face seems to have gotten worse. It breaks my heart to look at him like this. It really does. This isn't the Nathan I fell in love with.

"What do you think, Haley?" he snaps at me. I take a step back, like the words are hurting me physically. I can't help it. They just feel like a slap in the face. "You take my son away from me, and I can't walk. How am I supposed to be?"

"Jamie doesn't need to be near you when you're like this, Nathan," I say calmly. "I've had enough of him running to me every single night because you scare him. You know, both of us haven't had a good night's sleep in God knows how long because of you…and now we're at Luke's and Jamie's sleeping through the night, and that's great. He's four, and he doesn't need to stay up all night listening to you throw tantrums." I know I am being harsh, but I just don't know what else to do or how else to act. We've all let him get away with too much for too long now.

"Okay, but to take him away from me completely? To take a child away from his father completely? That's okay?" He scoffs at that. "I didn't think you had that in you, Haley, I really didn't. You know how much I need Jamie, and I know he needs me too." For a brief second, I think I can see the regret flash in his blue eyes. But it is gone so quickly that I think I've only imagined it.

"I know you need him," I respond softly. Of course he does. Jamie was Nathan's sole purpose for waking up every day, I know that. But once the drinking started…well, that was why Nathan woke up. So he could get a fix. Not so he could see his little boy. "And he does need you, Nathan, but not like this. Not when you're drunk and moody. No one knows what you're going to say or do next, and I don't want Jamie in that position!"

He just nods, and I think for a minute that I'm getting through to him. Those thoughts disappear when he starts laughing. "You are hilarious, Haley. You really truly are. I get paralyzed and lose something I have been working my entire life for, and then you decide to take my son away. That's really rich."

"Okay, let me get this straight." I sit down on the patio steps which are facing the pool also. I don't have to look at his face this way anymore. "If this was happening to me…if the situation was reversed, and I was getting drunk all the time and throwing things everywhere, what would you do? If I was being as volatile as you are, would you want Jamie to be with me? No, you wouldn't," I answer for him. "You would take him away Nathan, because that is what's best for him, and I'm sorry that the best thing for Jamie right now is to be away from you." I shake my head. "I know it hurts you…it hurts all of us…but I don't know what else to do."

"Why couldn't you just stay here, Haley?!" he bursts out. "You leaving…do you think that makes me want to be on the path to righteousness? You think that makes me want to fix all these mistakes? No, it doesn't."

"You told me to go, Nathan!" I roar back. Okay, enough of trying to talk this out calmly. If we're going to work things out, it's gotta get worse before it gets better.That's the way things have worked with Nathan since I was sixteen, and I am pretty positive that things will work out that way for the rest of our lives together. If we have one together. At this point, I'm really not so sure. "You told me that you weren't the same person anymore, and that I should move out!" I cross my arms stubbornly. "Don't even act like you didn't! I will never forget that!"

"So you've never said something that you didn't mean?"

I turn around and gape at him. He is acting so calm all of the sudden…like the previous shouting didn't mean anything…like it was never there. And he did mean it that night. I could tell by the way he was looking at me. Nathan did mean it. He meant every word. "Don't give me that," I say bitterly, my voice lowering several notches from its previous high. "You meant that, Nathan Scott. Don't pretend you didn't. You were sick of me pushing you and wanting you to be you again. You're still sick of it."

"You're right, I am," he tells me, his blue eyes that used to be full of love for me now full of anger and hatred. He gives me a hard glare before wheeling himself away from me and into our home.

I sigh and stand up, brushing the dust from my pants. We have a long road ahead of us, and I am definitely not prepared to deal with this. As much as I hate to think this, I'm not even sure I want to deal.


	2. Chapter 2

Later on, after Nathan has gone inside and into the room where he spends most of his time drinking, I head into the kitchen. A part of me is saying just leave. I should just go and let him drink himself away. He's hurt me too much already. But then this other part of me...a part that loves him more than anything is telling me that I need to stay. I need to stay and make sure he's okay. No matter what he says or does.

I sit at the table for a few moments, taking in my surroundings. I have a slight obsession with pictures; I always have. They're everywhere in this house. In fact, the first thing I did when we moved in was hang up our family picture above the fireplace. I'm sitting here looking at these pictures, remembering everything, and the tears start streaming down my cheeks. I don't even know what I'm crying for - there's so much. There's the fact that I have an alcoholic for a husband, and he is nowhere close to the man that I married. There's the fact that my son doesn't have his daddy right now or that my best friend doesn't have his brother. And then there's the selfish part of me...the part that doesn't have Nathan to love me back right now, and assure me that everything will be fine again one day.

I'm shaken out of my thoughts when my phone rings. I pick it up and glance at it, seeing it is Brooke calling. I'm tempted to not answer it, not really in the mood to talk to anyone right now, but Jamie's with her. I need to be responsible and take this. I try to stop the shakiness coming through my voice when I answer it. "Hello?"

"Hales, hey!" she greets me cheerily. Okay, she couldn't hear that I was upset. This is a good thing. Brooke knows me pretty well, and I'm comfortable with telling her things, so if she asks, I know I'll spill. That's why I'm praying she doesn't ask anything. I don't want to talk about it. "What's going on? Still with Nate?"

"Yeah," I reply. "Yeah, I am. He, uh, he's in the other room right now, and I -"

"Hold it!" she exclaims firmly. I can practically see her holding up her hand right now in protest. "You have been crying."

"Brooke." I sigh. "I don't think I can talk about this right now." I run my hand tiredly through my hair. "Nathan's in the other room."

"So what?" she snaps back. "So what Haley? He hurt you, and he's got Jamie in the other room with Peyton questioning and asking and begging for information all about Nathan and why he is the way he is now!" I can hear the anger in her voice, and I won't lie - it kind of warms me knowing how wonderful a friend I have in Brooke Davis. She is fiercely protective of the people she cares about, and I know that's why she's being like this. She wants to protect me.

"Well get his mind on something else!" I order her. I don't need anyone telling Jamie things without me talking to him first. He's having enough trouble as it is. I don't want him being told different things so he gets confused. "Look, Brooke, I don't want Jamie being told things. All he knows is that Nathan's not himself, so we're giving him a break to sort things out."

"Okay, fine," she gives in. "We're not really telling him anything anyway. Peyton's a pretty good subject avoider." She gets a chuckle from me with that crack. "Anyway, all I'm saying is, who cares what you say right now. Nathan has hurt you so much, so it doesn't matter if he overhears you and gets his feelings hurt a little."

"Well, I'd rather I didn't hurt his feelings," I retort. "I've already left him, Brooke, so I don't want to do any more damage than I already have."

"Alright." She sounds like she isn't going to fight me on this any longer, and I'm grateful. I don't want to fight about this. I'll come to her when I'm ready. I know I will. "Well the only reason I called was to see if you were okay and to tell you that Jamie was just fine with us. In fact, he can spend the night if you need him to, Hales. We're all having fun, and I know you might need the time to just be with Nathan."

"Thank you," I say softly. "That's a good idea actually. If you want, give Luke a call and tell him you're going to pick up some of Jamie's things. He won't mind at all, and you'll really be helping me out, Brooke."

We hang up after I thank her about a thousand more times, and I decide to make some lunch for Nathan. I know he hasn't been eating real food since I've been gone. He barely did when I was there either, though. He's all about the alcohol right now. I get set on making some chicken fettuccine. I know Nathan loves when I make that. At least he used to.

I realize I'm doing that a lot lately - thinking about how Nathan used to be. What Nathan used to like and do. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing yet. I'm either seriously stuck in the past or I'm set on getting the old Nathan back. Probably both.

I'm about done with the food when I hear Nathan wheeling himself into the room. "You didn't leave?"

Well obviously not. I'm still standing here. "Nope," I answer, a smart aleck remark just on the tip of my tongue. "I figured I'd make some lunch for us. You need to eat, and I know I'll feel better when I get some food in you." Food might put him in a better mood, and plus, maybe it will soak up some of that liquor floating around in his system.

"I see." He nods, and wheels himself over to the counter. "Actually smells decent. Way to go, Haley."

Ah. So this is how he wants to play it. He's going to take cheap shots at me to hurt me. Well, it's not like they'll hurt me any worse than him telling me to leave. I'm strong, I can steel myself against this. Ignoring him, I grab two plates from a cabinet just above his head. "How much do you want?" I question, gesturing towards the bowl of pasta.

"Whatever," he mutters. He moves over to the table, and as I am getting him food, I study him when he's not looking. His hair just looks so greasy, and he's really not smelling his greatest. I can't help but wonder when the last time he actually bathed was.

I place the food in front of him, and he sits there and looks at it for a minute and then back up at me. "You sure you didn't put any poison in this?"

I put my hands on my hips. What the hell? "Um, no?"

"Well, I was just making sure. You never know what lengths you'll go to when you want something, Haley. You probably want back in this house, and you might try to kill me to get it."

You have got to be kidding me. "Nathan Scott!" I bite out, more than a little pissed off. "How dare you say something like that to me? I have done nothing - nothing! - to deserve this kind of treatment. I married you, had your child, and I have loved you unconditionally for years. I am always on your side, and you saying that hurts me. I can't believe that thought would even cross your mind!"

"Well, I never thought you leaving me would cross your mind," he says back angrily. "But life's full of little surprises."

"Eat your damn food, Nathan," I mutter, walking out of the room. I can't listen to him right now. There is no way I'm going to put up with this.

I decide that I'll start working on cleaning up a little. I know I shouldn't. Nathan doesn't deserve it, but I can't help it. He's still my husband, and I still promised him for better or worse and to love and cherish him. I need to get this place cleaned. After I leave again to go back to Luke's, at least he won't be sitting in a pile of his own filth.

Picking up the beer bottles is ridiculous. I swear I pick up fifty in the span of three minutes. I don't know when or how we could have purchased so much of this. I don't even like this kind of beer. Nathan and Luke are the only two that like this nasty kind...they must have had little parties after Jamie and I would go to bed and they were still playing the Play Station. I remind myself to talk to Luke about this.

I wonder how long it's going to be until Nathan decides to talk to me again today. I don't know if I can handle more of these ridiculous accusations. I love Nathan, and I always will, but if he is going to continue hurting me, then I'm going to have to go. It's as simple as that. I'm not going to give him more power by hurting me.

Why did this have to happen to us? We've already been through so much. It's like we keep getting punished for things. There was Nathan's accident when I was on tour with the Wreckers in high school, and then there was his run in with Dante and my getting hit by that car when I was pregnant with Jamie. His father's a murderer, and his mother used to be addicted to drugs and alcohol. My parents are never even around, and he grew up not ever having a real family. It just seems like bad things are never going to stop for us. Every time things are going right, another thing happens that sends us spinning out of orbit.

Nathan's dream was finally at his fingertips when he went sailing through that window. He had signed with the NBA and we had just bought our first house. Jamie was growing up to be the sweetest little boy, and Nathan and Lucas had never been closer. Nathan and I were also at a good point in our marriage. Things were finally going our way, and then Nathan had to go and get in a dumb fight.

To this day, I still don't know what the fight was about. I've always been afraid to ask. At first, I pushed to find out, but the more Nathan told me no, the more I realized I didn't want to know. I kind of have a feeling that it was about me, and that's why Nathan wouldn't tell me. He always told me he wasn't going to sit back and watch while the world hurt me. He would defend my honor, and I'm guessing that is what he was trying to do. Although, I'll probably never know for sure.

I pick up the shards of glass that are littering the house, and walk back in the kitchen to check on Nathan. It takes a lot of courage to walk the steps in here, knowing I'm going to get cut with his words again. And that will probably hurt worse than any of these shards of glass that could cut my hands.

"What's Jamie doing?" The words are out of his mouth as soon as I walk in. No hey, I'm sorry. Just a question about Jamie. I guess that should please me that he's wondering about our son, but damn it, he just accused me of trying to kill him. I'd like an apology.

"He's with Peyton and Brooke," I tell him, pulling the trash bag out of the canister. It's overflowing now. "They love him."

"I know. He's a ladies man," he jokes with me. For a minute, I can see a bit of my old Nathan coming through. He must realize I am feeling that though, because he blanches, and his face takes on that steely look again. "How long are you planning on sticking around?"

"I'm not really sure." I shrug. "Long enough to make sure you're okay. Peyton and Brooke took Jamie for the night, and Lindsey is in town for a while, so I'm not going to disturb her time with Luke right now. I figured I'd stay here, but if things get out of hand then I'll just go somewhere else."

"Out of hand? You think I'm going to do something to you?" he practically accuses me.

"Of course I don't," I say immediately. I know Nathan would never physically hurt me. I know that in my heart, but that doesn't mean that a giant fight won't ensue and he hurts me with his words like he has lately. "I just don't want to fight."

"Okay." He picks up his fork and scrapes it against his plate, looking like he'd rather be anywhere but in a room with me. I guess I can't blame him. We're both feeling this awkwardness, and the more alcohol that comes out of Nathan's system, the more awkard it's going to get for him.

"You want any more food?" I ask gently, unsure what to say or do next. He shakes his head no, so I sigh and go to sit across the table from him. We just look at each other for a minute, lost in each others' eyes. For a minute it feels good, like everything is forgotten, but then it all comes flooding back. The drinking and the accident...the leaving and the hurting.

"Haley..." He nervously twists his wedding ring around, and I know this is just as hard for him as it is for me. "I don't know what we're doing anymore. Nothing is the same, and I don't know how to fix it."

"Nathan - "

"No." He holds up his hand. He seems pretty coherent right now, so he must not have had that much to drink today. Lucas did say he was running low on "supplies." I want to say a few things, but if he is actually going to talk to me calmly about what's going on, then who am I to stop him? I can wait my turn. I've been wanting to talk to him for a long time now without yelling, and it seems like he's ready to do it. "Haley, I love you. I know I don't act like it anymore. I know I haven't showed you in a long time. God, I don't even know when the last time I kissed you was," he marvels.

"Your accident," I whisper. "It was the night of your accident, and you were in the hospital. We were actually alone for a few minutes, and you told me that you wished you could kiss me and make it all go away. So you did," I say, a lone tear making its way down my cheek. "You kissed me, but none of it went away."

He nods. "I remember now." He's quiet for a few minutes, and I wonder if it's my turn to talk. Just when I open my mouth, he starts again. "You are my whole world, Haley. You and Jamie. When he was born, it was the proudest day of my life. It meant more to me than the state championship or being accepted to Duke with a full ride. I actually had a purpose, and I swore then and there that I would always be there for you. Jamie too. And then I got hurt, and everything changed. I lost everything, Hales. I lost myself, and you and Jamie too." I wince when I see the tears pool up in his blue eyes. Nathan never cries. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen it.

"Hey..." I get up and kneel down beside him, turning his chair so we are face to face. "You didn't lose us."

"But I did, Haley!" he interjects. "I did lose you. You left. You and Jamie walked out, and yeah, maybe I told you to, but you still did it. You didn't have to listen."

"Nathan, do you hear yourself? We HAD to listen, honey." I stare into his eyes. "You have a problem. You're an alcoholic now, and Jamie doesn't need to be around that. I know you can't see it now, but it was for the best that we left. Maybe I was just waiting for you to say it. Maybe I was waiting for you to tell me that we had to leave, but it was the right thing to do. All of us are hurting, and it has to stop."

"But I just need support!" he cries out. "How can I get that when you're not here with me?"

"I can't stay here, Nathan. As much as I want to, I can't. Jamie needs a parent. If we didn't have him, you bet I'd stay with you. I would never leave your side, but we have to consider him in this. I know you aren't dangerous, but accidents happen. I don't want Jamie getting hurt, and I know you don't want that either." I run my hand along his stubbly cheek, trying to comfort him and catch the tears that are now falling freely. "You didn't lose us. And I have tried to support you for four months, and it's not getting anywhere. You need a wake up call, Nathan. It's time you got some help."

"I don't want anyone's help but yours, baby. Please," he begs me. "Please stay here, Haley. We can do this. We can get through this together...no one else."

I shake my head, standing up. I would love it if I could be the one to help him. But that's not going to happen. "Nathan, I'm a teacher. I don't specialize in making people walk again, and I don't know anything about alcoholism. I wish I did," I say honestly. "If you want some help, then we'll get you some. And I will be by your side the entire time," I assure him.

"Haley, I don't want help." He reaches out for my hand, but I pull it back. I don't understand what he is trying to do. He wants help but he only wants it from me. And then when I tell him we can get him help, but I can't specifically help him, he doesn't like it. I don't understand him. At all.

"You need it."

"No I don't. I need you and Jamie here."

"Jamie doesn't need to be here, Nathan!" I say a bit too loudly. I feel bad at the tone of my voice, but he isn't getting it. "You drink all the time, and every night you throw things and yell, and nobody gets sleep. It's bad for all of us. And if you aren't willing to get help, then I'm not staying."

It would be so, so easy for me to give in right now. As much as it hurts me to be with him, it hurts more to not be with him. But I cannot stay here. I can't stay and let him think that everything he's doing is okay. There is nothing okay about his drinking and hurting people. Nothing.

I have our son to think about. He needs a stable parent. I don't want him to be bounced around from Peyton and Brooke to Lucas to Mouth and Skills. He needs someone who is going to be there all the time. They say that young childhood experiences shape who a child is going to be when they grow up, and Jamie's already seen a lot for someone his age. I'm afraid he will already be messed up enough from this. I don't want that for him, so I need to constantly be there. I'm going to make all this up to Jamie - I'm not sure how, but I will.

"Hales." He says my name so quietly that I can barely hear him.

I put my hand on his shoulder, and I can see him visibly relax. He's probably shocked that I'm still here - still trying to press the issue. But he's my husband, and if he insists on going down, I won't let him go down without a fight. Nathan has always been a fighter, and it's the same way now. Just because things are the hardest they've ever been doesn't mean he should give up. "Honey, you need help. And I wish I could be that person for you. I seriously do. I want to be the one to make everything okay, but you've had four months to lean on me, Nathan, and you haven't done it. It's time you got real professional help...and if you're not willing to do that for me - for us - then I have to leave. I'm not going to pretend any of this is okay when it isn't."

"I don't need professional help, Haley," he tells me again. I know that's what he's saying - that he doesn't need it - but he really does. None of us can help him without someone telling us what to do. We have to find someone for him. We just have to. "I just need you and Jamie here."

"We can't be here," I protest softly, rubbing his shoulder. "I've told you a few times now that Jamie can't be around this. I won't let him."

"He's my kid too!" He pulls away from me, and I know that our calm talking has ended. He's mad now, and I'm getting ready for the yelling. "I have a say in what he does and where he is too!"

"Not like this you don't!" I argue back. "Jamie is NOT going to be around you when you are drinking! And that's what you're doing all the time so that means he can't be around you at all!"

"Look at me, Haley!" he shouts. "Do you see a drink anywhere near me?! No, you don't! I'm not drinking right now! So where's Jamie?!"

"You are still an alcoholic," I remind him. And that's the truth. Just because he doesn't have a drink in his hand doesn't change that fact. I walk away from him and jump up on the counter. I don't want to be so close to him anymore.

"No I'm not! So what if I drink?! My whole life has changed. You left, my son isn't allowed near me, and I'm paralyzed and unemployed! I have a right to drink!"

"Not like you'll die without it!" I fire back. "That's all you do! Wake up and drink! When was the last time you hugged Jamie or asked about my day? When was the last time you actually cooked dinner for the two of us to make up for a fight we had? You haven't done anything like that, Nathan! You drink and drink and drink some more!"

"Well I'm at the legal age limit!" he yells. "I think it's okay now!"

"You might be the legal age, but way over the legal intake!" I shake my head. "God, Nathan, do you have ANY idea what this is doing to everyone? It's not just Jamie and me and you who are hurt here! Your accident didn't affect your immediate family and that's it! There's Lucas and Peyton and Brooke and Mouth and Skills! There's your mom and grandparents and Karen!" I begin counting the people off on my fingers. I could keep going, but what's the point? Judging by the look on Nathan's face, he doesn't really care. He's only looking out for himself now.

"You know what?" I say, feeling defeated. I'm not getting anywhere with him. And I can see now that I won't. He won't give in, but I won't either. "This talk or whatever the hell it is - it's over." Before he can say another word, I leap off the counter and go up the stairs. I don't have to worry about him following me right now. I'm faster than he is in that wheelchair.

I collapse on the bed and clutch Nathan's pillow. It smells like his cologne just a little bit, and that's a strange comfort to me. I lay there thinking for a few minutes, and it is then that I decide to call Brooke. She's ready and willing to talk, and I think I'm at the point where I need to talk to someone besides Nathan about this.

I go through my contacts and find her number, smiling when I hear her pick up the phone and pass it to Jamie. "Mama?" he asks. I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Hi baby!" I say with as much cheer and I can. It's a little hard right now. I'm going through an emotional battle. "What are you up to?"

"Peyt and I were playing Legos!" he tells me. He begins rambling about his castle and her castle and how his is so much bigger than hers. He stop a few minutes later, asking about Nathan.

"Oh, he's okay, Jamie," I tell him. "He misses you a lot. He keeps asking me what you're doing." Okay, maybe that's a little fib. But Nathan did ask once, so I guess it's okay for now. Plus, I know it makes Jamie really happy to know that his daddy is wondering about him. We talk for a little bit longer, and then Brooke gets on the phone.

"Hey, Tutor Mommy," she greets me. "I figured you'd be calling me again. I knew you needed someone to talk to, and let's face it, Luke's not going to be of much service," she teases.

I chuckle. "I'm upstairs and Nathan can't hear me...I figured I would go crazy if I was just sitting here with my thoughts. I wanted someone to talk to."

"Well I'm glad you called, Haley," she says sincerely. I can tell she is ready to listen and be an amazing friend by the way she uses my first name. Every since we were teenagers, she has had a nickname for every one of our friends. It's just who Brooke is, and unless she's dead serious, she really won't use our first names...but that's okay. I wouldn't have her any other way. "Did you talk to him?"

"Yeah, I did. I thought I was getting somewhere," I admit. "He told me that he loved me and that he knew he hadn't showed me or told me in a long time. He actually said he couldn't remember when our last kiss was."

"I hope you reminded him it was the night he got his ass kicked!" she exclaims, interrupting my speech.

"Brooke..." I don't know what to say. That night was more than that. And it kind of makes me upset that she refers to it as the night he got his ass kicked. "I told him it was the night of the accident," I say, renaming it.

"Good girl," she praises.

I lift up my left hand and study my wedding rings. It feels like so long ago that Nathan put these on my finger. It's like a lifetime ago. "Anyway, I told him that he needed help, and he said he only wanted my help...that he just needed mine and Jamie's support right now and he could beat this."

"Haley, no," she states firmly. "No way. Do not put Jamie back in that house right now. I know you love Nathan, but he's an alcoholic. And as Jamie's godmother, I refuse to let you allow him to run back to Nathan like nothing happened."

Okay, well. This is kind of insulting. Like Brooke thinks Nathan has such a hold on me that I'll forget the safety of my child. Despite everything and all the pressure that I seem to be under right now, I won't put Jamie at risk. I never will; I never could. "I'm not, Brooke," I defend. "Jamie isn't going anywhere near him until he gets some help, and at this point, I'm not sure he will."

"Okay then." She sighs. "I didn't mean to undermine you as a mother," she says softly. "I...well, you know how I can be when it comes to people that I love. I love you and I love Jamie, but I love Nathan too. It's killing me that this is happening."

"Me too," I agree immediately. I find this completely unfair. The paths we are on are never straight and smooth. Everything is always bumpy and rough. "I just need to figure out how to get him some help...if it takes losing me, then I guess that has to happen."

Wow. I can't believe I just said that out loud. Sure, I've been thinking about it - thinking of ways to help my husband. And that thought definitely crosses my mind a lot. I need him to see that if he keeps drinking, he won't have Jamie and me anymore. We can't keep living like this.

I know that's really selfish of me. I know we promised our lives to each other, and I know we promised for better or for worse. It's just that Nathan and I have never been through anything like this. We have had some hard times before, but none of them seem to measure up to this. I just don't know what to do anymore. Some moments I want to stay and help him, and others I'm just ready to give up. This is all so hard. It's just not fair. Nothing about this is fair to me.

"Hmm." I can hear her sigh on the other end. "Well, if that's what you have to do, that's what you have to do. I know how strong you are, Haley James Scott, and I know you have it in you to help Nathan. You just have to do some searching, and find it, okay? Get online...research it. Talk to addiction counselors. Anything to help him. Anything to help you and Jamie too."

"You're completely right," I answer back. "I just haven't worked up the courage to talk to anyone yet. I keep wishing that one day he's going to wake up and be like, oh, I'm an asshole, and I need to knock it off. But he won't, so it's time someone does it for him."

"I'll help you in any way I can," she promises me, and I know I can hold her to that promise. Brooke is fiercely loyal to her friends. "I'll go with you to talk to people. I'll help you hold an intervention...anything to get him back."

It's funny that until my junior year of high school, I hated Brooke Davis. I hated her with a passion. I found her to be fake and phony and rude. She thought she was above everyone, but that was until I got to know her. I'm so glad I did because now I have this totally amazing friend who I trust completely. I know she'll always be there for me and Jamie. I have no doubts in my mind.

"Okay." I smile, even though she can't see it. "We're gonna get him back, Brooke," I say, voicing my biggest wish.


	3. Chapter 3

I decide to leave Nathan alone for a while longer, and just sit upstairs thinking. We've all lost so much recently...and not just Nathan's career and dreams. I think we've kind of lost sight of who we were. I know this accident has changed me. I'm not the same person I was and Nathan definitely isn't. I wonder what that's like for our son. I wonder if he knows how different we both are. It's not that I want to be, but in this situation, you can't help it.

I know Lucas is probably different for this too. His brother, according to him, was his best friend besides me. He and Nathan were so close. It's crazy looking back on what they were like as teenagers and how they hated each other. It's like Lucas just had his best friend ripped away from him, and I hate that.

I'm also completely scared for Jamie. They say that childhood experiences shape who a child becomes. I don't want this to be one of those life changing experiences that will mess him up forever. He seems okay for now, but maybe one day, he will have trouble with this. That scares me. I don't want him punished for something none of us had any control over.

After sitting here a while longer and remembering everything in this bedroom, it becomes too much and I decide to go back downstairs. I know another confrontation with Nathan is going to happen, and I'm ready. These are just going to happen until he gets help. I realize that.

He's lying on the couch which is different from how he's been sitting up in that wheelchair, but I'm not surprised he's there. It's either here or in the chair. I'm actually kind of shocked he lasted this long wheeling himself around today. He usually gets too lazy to stay in it or knows he's about to pass out so he drags his body up on the furniture.

His eyes move up and meet mine. "Hi," I say, unsure how he is going to act since our last blow out.

"Done talking about me now?" He smirks.

Damn him. I don't even know what to say. It's not like I can handle him on my own. This monster he's become - it's too big for me alone. "Eavesdropping Nathan? Real nice," I mutter, sinking into the nearest chair.

"Actually, no. I just know you pretty well, and I know exactly what you were doing up there." He raises his chin a little, kind of indicating our bedroom above the room we're in.

"Well," I retort. "I know you pretty well too, and I know exactly what you were doing down here." I motion to the new bottle I see sitting on the coffee table.

"Free country, Haley." That's all he says. My God, does he have anything to say besides a smart remark? I could really use my rational, caring husband right now. Not this shell of a broken man.

"That's right," I agree. "Which is why it was totally okay for me to be on the phone up there." He opens his mouth but I stop him. "And by the way, Jamie is playing Legos(R) with Peyton and asking about you."

He looks at me for a minute, and I can tell by the look that flashes across his face that he's missing Jamie. And I don't blame him at all. You can't not miss that little boy - that perfect little boy. He's everything Nathan and I could have ever wanted and more. He's a combination of the both of us. He's got my brains but he's also really into sports, mainly basketball, just like Nathan. And he's like me in the fact that he loves his daddy with his whole heart. It's probably killing Jamie to be away from him like this too.

"What have they told him?" he asks me quietly. I can see some shame on his face, and you know what? I think that's a good thing. At least he knows not everything is good right now.

"Not much." I shrug. "That's what Brooke said anyway. He pretty much just thinks that you're not yourself and you're trying to sort it out, and I came over to help you."

"Are you?" he questions me seriously.

"I'm sure as hell going to try, Nathan," I reply. This is something that he needs to hear. He needs to know that just because Jamie and I aren't staying with him any longer that we're still going to be around. We're still going to try and help him no matter what. "I love you, and I don't want this for you."

"How are you going to help me, Haley?" He looks pained for a minute, and I know that this is hurting him to be like this. He just can't stop. "I'm a big mess right now. I don't know what I'm doing."

"I know, and that's what I want to help you with. I want to help you find that person you told me you lost." I get up from the chair and walk over to the couch, kneeling beside it so my face is just inches from his. "Jamie needs him. So do I."

Before I know it, it's the next morning, and I know I need to go pick up Jamie from Brooke and Peyton's. I took a day off of work so I'm just going to go spend it with my son. I'm going to try to explain things about Nathan to him, and maybe if Nathan's sober, I'll run him by there. I spoke to Lucas and he said that he and Lindsey would stop there and check for me before I just showed up with Jamie to find a drunk Nathan.

Lucas has been super great through all this. I think I halfway expected him to be defending Nathan the whole time, considering how close they've become, but he hasn't, and I really appreciate that. He understands why I'm doing what I'm doing and for the most part, he's been giving me good advice. Except for when he gets in those moods where Nathan, to him, is just like Dan and doesn't deserve Jamie or me. That just pisses me off.

Jamie is thrilled to see me when I pick him up, and it's the same way for me. I don't send him off overnight very often, and Nathan has never wanted to either. We're both just so close to him, and we hate it when he's gone. Although sometimes, we do need breaks. And I'm sure Jamie needs them from us as well.

I take him out for breakfast and decide that while we're eating, I'm going to try to talk to him about Nathan. He deserves an explanation. Heck, with his brains, he'll probably understand everything I'm telling him. That's right - my boy's a genius.

After ordering pancakes and chocolate milk for him and a muffin and coffee for me, I decide to just jump right in. There's no sense in putting it off. It's just going to make things worse. "Hey, Jamie," I address. "Are you missing Daddy?"

"Oh yes!" He nods quite a few times. "I have so much to tell him, Mama!"

I smile. Of course he does. Jamies likes to tell his daddy everything. I love that about him, and I love the relationship those two have. It's the sweetest thing to watch and be a part of. "Well I'm sure he has a lot to tell you too," I acknowledge. "But Daddy's having some problems right now."

"Wheelchair?" he asks simply.

See? He knows that's part of it. Like I said earlier, my boy's a genius. "Yeah, it all started with that. What do you think about it?"

"Dad needs to walk again, Mom!" he exclaims. "I miss it! He never plays ball anymore, and he's always sleeping or yelling!"

I can feel my face redden, and I really hope that people aren't hearing this. Not that I'm ashamed of Nathan - just the situation. And I'm sure if Nathan were sober, he'd be ashamed of how he was acting as well. "I know. Daddy's just hurt, Jamie, and we are all trying to help him. Especially Uncle Luke and I. We know how much you want him to walk again so we're trying to make that happen. It's just taking time."

"Too much time!" he informs me, his blue eyes getting wider by the second.

"I know, but you need to be patient. If you want Daddy back good as new, it's going to take time. That's why we're not staying with him right now. He needs to take some time for himself and make things better."

"Okay," he says, digging into the pancakes that the waitress brought out a few seconds earlier. I take a sip of my coffee and watch him. It just breaks my heart that I've had to take him away from Nathan - that things have gotten this bad. It's really not fair to him, and I'd do anything to change it.

While he's eating, and I'm picking at my muffin - I'm really not too hungry these days - I decide to text Lindsey and see if she knows anything about Nathan yet. I'd like for Jamie to see him, I really would. And maybe if Nathan sees Jamie, he will understand how much he needs the help - how much Jamie needs him to get that help. And damn it, I need him to get the help too.

My phone vibrates on the table, and Jamie immediately grabs it. He always likes to open our phones when they go off. He's been doing it pretty much ever since he could walk. I guess it's a weird habit of his. He flips it open like it's no big thing and passes it to me. "Here, Mom. It's a text!"

"Thanks." I roll my eyes a little and read the text.

LUKE SAYS HE IS AWAKE AND SOBER. LAYING ON COUCH.

Of course he is. Couch or wheelchair. If I had to pick one, I'd go with the couch too. It's way more comfortable. I text her back after telling Jamie that it was Lindsey when he asks me five hundred times who it was.

DID HE ACTUALLY GO THERE AND SEE FOR HIMSELF?

YEA. HE LEFT BEFORE I WOKE UP. WANTED JAMIE TO SEE NATE ASAP.

Aw. Lucas is so sweet. He's wrapped around Jamie's finger, and I guess that's understandable. We all used to be roommates when we were in college. Jamie grew up living with Luke. They're practically twins too if you look at them. The blonde spiky hair thing they've got going on is just adorable. Well, on Jamie anyway. On Lucas it's just...well, it's Lucas.

THANKS LINDS. TELL HIM I APPRECIATE IT! WE'LL SWING BY THERE AFTER JAMIE FINISHES HIS FOOD.

NO PROBLEM. HE LOVES HIM HALES.

I snap my phone shut after texting back and telling her that Jamie loves him as well, and that we love her too, and look over at Jamie. His mouth is covered in syrup of course. That's my son. It's usually chocolate ice cream that's all over his face though. "How would you feel about seeing Daddy today?"

His face lights up immediately, and I know he is more than willing to go there. "For real?"

"Yes for real!" I laugh at his enthusiasm.

"Okay!" He starts to jump off of his chair but I reach over and catch his arm.

"Not so fast, James Lucas Scott! Are you done eating?"

"Am now!"

Oh boy. He's really ready to see Nathan. I hope Nathan's ready to see him too. He better not be passed out when we get there. That will crush Jamie. "Alright." I sigh. "Let's clean your face up first."

"Aw, Mom!" he whines at me.

"James." I give him a look and he settles back against his seat and lets me clean his face. After I finish my coffee and pay our bill, we're in the car and off to our house.

Pulling into the driveway, my nerves come full force. What if Nathan's passed out? What if he yells at Jamie or doesn't want to see him? I'm starting to think this is a bad idea, but before I can make excuses, Jamie is out the door and running up the steps to the front of the house. I unbuckle my seatbelt and hurry to catch up with him.

He pushes it right open when I get there and runs inside. "Dad! I'm here! Daddy!" He runs into the living room with me hot on his heels. "I came to visit you! Daddy!"

Nathan pushes himself into a sitting position. Okay, he's awake. Fear number one is erased. "Jamie?" He blinks a few times like he can't believe Jamie's actually there to see him. Like he doesn't think I would let Jamie near him. And maybe I shouldn't let this happen, but I think it will be good for both of them, and Lucas said he was sober.

"Yeah!" Jamie throws himself at Nathan, and Nathan catches him immediately.

That's when I see the tears pour down Nathan's cheeks. He's holding onto Jamie for dear life - like he's never going to let him go again. That's probably what he's thinking too. I know he needs his son; I know that. I just can't have Jamie near him when he's drinking. It's not smart, and it's definitely not safe even though I know Nathan wouldn't intentionally hurt him.

My husband looks up at me then, and I'm just overcome with emotions. The tears come down full force matching the ones on his face. "Thank you," he says softly, and that is enough for me.

I leave the two of them alone and head into the kitchen, wanting to give them space. I can hear Jamie talking nonstop and I stop walking to hear what he's saying. That's when I see it. The empty bottle of vodka on the kitchen counter. My jaw drops and I wonder how long ago he drank this. It wasn't there last night. I know it wasn't. I cleaned in here, and I cooked in here, and I would have seen it.

I whip out my phone and call Lucas immediately. I need to know if he saw this. "Hey, you with Nate?" he asks as soon as he picks up.

"Jamie's in there with him. I'm in the kitchen," I reply. Not waiting for his answer, I speak again. "Luke, there's an empty bottle of vodka in here. It wasn't there last night. Did you see it today?"

"In the kitchen? I don't think so," he says after a beat. "I was only in there for like thirty seconds though to throw something away."

"Well he must have drank it after you left then," I surmise, sighing. "And now Jamie's out there with him, and I don't want to rip Jamie out of here. Damn it."

"Well great," he mutters sarcastically. "What are you going to do? Get Jamie out of there when you get a chance? Leave him with Nathan? What?"

"I don't know, Luke!" I snap, sinking into a chair at the table. "I don't know. I just...God, I didn't think he'd be drinking in the morning. He didn't even seem that drunk when we walked in. He was crying that Jamie was here!"

I can hear him sigh on the other end. "Hales, I'm sorry. I didn't see it, but if i did I would have told you, and I wouldn't have let you take Jamie over there."

"I know that," I tell him, and I really do know. Lucas wouldn't intentionally put Jamie in danger. He's a fabulous uncle, and he really cares about all of us in this family. He wouldn't hurt any of us on purpose. "What should I do?"

"I don't know...you really can't just pull Jamie out of there with no reason as to why you're doing it, but you need Nate to know that you know."

"I agree. They were so excited to see each other, Lucas. You should have seen it. Jamie ran into this house as fast as he possibly could, I'm sure. And it's just the sweetest thing that he loves his daddy so much. I just can't trust Nathan to be around him if he's drinking, you know?"

"Yeah. Do you need me to come there?"

"Actually..." I start thinking about something and after a pause, I decide on what I want Lucas to do for me. "You think you could research some counseling or something on alcoholics? Maybe you could start planning an intervention?" I suggest, unsure of what else any of us can do at this point.

"I think that's a great idea. Care if Linds gets in on it?"

"Not at all," I assure him. We hang up after he promises he and Lindsey will do whatever they can.

I don't know what to do right now. I know on the way here I kept thinking about how if Nathan was drinking then I needed to get Jamie out of there, but now that I've seen them together, I don't want to take him away from Nathan. We can't stay here either though. I might not be thinking logically right now by wanting to give them some time together, but I will not stay here. That I know for sure.

I decide I'll send Jamie off to do something for me for a little bit and that way I can speak to Nathan about this bottle I found in the kitchen. It will give us some time alone without Jamie wondering what the heck we're talking about. He doesn't need to know anymore than he already does. I kind of feel like I've told him too much already, even though I haven't really. I guess I'm just worried on how this will affect him when he's older.

After Jamie goes to pick up his room, I grab the bottle and walk into the living room. Nathan is now in his wheelchair, and I wish he wasn't. He can get away easier from me now. And he'll probably want to after I bring this up to him. He won't want to hear me accusing him of things. I know he won't. I wouldn't. "We need to talk," I inform him, holding the bottle behind my back. "Now."

"This doesn't sound good. What about?" he asks, looking up at me.

I take a deep breath and show him the bottle I've been hiding behind my back. "This." I watch his face while I'm holding it, and I see shock and regret and anger...mostly anger. If he's angry with me, then I'll have to deal with it. I'm not going to let him think this is okay - what he's doing.

"Nathan," I start. "I am not happy about this at all. I brought Jamie over here because I thought you were sober, and now to find out that you're not? I don't know what to do with that. I know I can't just rip Jamie out of here, but I can't let him stay long either."

"Where did you get that?" he growls at me, totally ignoring what I just said.

"Where you left it, I guess. The counter."

His eyes narrow as he looks at the bottle I'm still holding. "Snooping?"

"Nathan! This is my house too, and I obviously wasn't snooping if you had just left it on the counter for anyone to find. My God, if you're going to drink and try to get away with it, at least put it in a better hiding spot!"

"Oh, I'll try to do that next time." He rolls his eyes. "So I guess that means I get what? Supervised visitation with my son?"

"Pretty much," I confirm. "It's not that I want to sit here and make sure he's okay with you, but you're drinking obviously...and I just don't want Jamie to deal with that on his own."

"So what do you expect me to do with him, Haley?"

"Spend time with him," I say simply. "We'll be here for a few hours, and I know you need this time with him, so I'll be around but give you two your space. I'll just watch TV or read or something while you two hang out." He rolls his eyes at me. "Okay, Nathan, listen, I know you're not horribly drunk right now, okay? I can see that. But you've still been drinking. An entire bottle of vodka from the looks of it! And I'm sorry that it doesn't sit right with me!"

"I've watched you drink plenty of times! I've watched you get drunk! But I never took Jamie away from you for it!"

"Nathan, I'm not an alcoholic! I don't drink hour after hour all day long! And when I do drink, Jamie's not around and you know that! Don't put that on me!"

"Well I wasn't drinking today when he was around either!" he exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. "And I didn't evne have a full bottle! There was like a third of it left and I finished it off!"

"Well at least you're admitting you drank it now!" I cry out, forgetting where I am and that our son is upstairs and he can probably hear us. If he can't, he can at least make out the muffled noises for shouting. I know he can. "It's better than your lies!"

"Oh my God, Haley!" he shouts. "What the hell lies are you talking about?! What have I lied about?!"

"You say you're not an alcoholic, Nathan, and that you don't need professional help! That is a lie! Everyone in town probably knows what you're like now! What do I have to do to make you see what you're doing to yourself? Do I need to hold up a goddamn mirror? Because I will! I will hold up a mirror and you can see what a wreck you have turned into!"

"At least I'm not a prude!" he fires back at me. "You have complained and complained about drinking! A little drink now and then never hurt anyone! You know that!"

I'm sick of yelling and so I sink down into the couch...the couch he has been sleeping on for weeks now, and to be honest, it doesn't smell good at all. I don't want to sit on it, but I have to finish this. I can't run away from it. That will not help us at all.

"I do know," I say softly, much quieter this time. "I'm not saying people can't drink. We both know I've drank. But here's the thing, Nathan, you do it all the time. It's not a beer every now and then. It's constant. you have a problem, and I don't know what else I can say to make you see that. Jamie and I have already left because of it, and you're still not getting it."

"I'm sorry I don't meet the standards of your perfect little world!" he spits out venomously.

Before I can say anything back, I hear the door swing open. Lucas is standing in the living room looking back and forth between the two of us. "I know you told me not to come," he begins, holding up his hand so I don't say anything to him. "But I was worried. Lindsey is doing what you asked us to do. I just needed to come be with my sister in law and nephew."

I nod. I'm not mad that he didn't do what I asked. I'm really not. I don't know what to feel right now. Everything is just spinning out of control, and I don't know how to feel about anything. Lucas just interrupted our argument, and maybe I should be angry that be barged in, but I'm really not. I'm just...numb.

"That's lovely, Lucas," Nathan says sarcastically, glaring at his brother. "Come to the rescue for Haley. That's how it's always been right? You're my blood but every time something goes wrong in our marriage, you always side with Haley. Always."

"That's not true," I jump in before Lucas can say anything. I don't know why Nathan is doing this. He keeps pressing different issues in this thing. He can't stick to one topic. "When I went on tour in high school, Lucas was there for you, Nathan. He was on your side...as much as it hurt me, he was. And I will always be grateful to him for that. He was there when you needed him."

"I'm sorry, Nate," Lucas apologizes. He completely ignores what I just said, and that's fine. As long as Nathan heard it, which I'm sure he did. I don't care if Lucas continues on with that subject or not. It was kind of irrelevent in my eyes anyway. "I just feel that in this case, Haley is right about things. You're not yourself, and you haven't been for four months."

"How am I different? Besides being confined to a damn chair and not being able to do anything anymore?"

I stand up and walk over to where Nathan is. I feel the urge to be close to him right now, and I know that I shouldn't. I don't want to feel this way. I think that it's maybe because Lucas is here now, and I am going to want to defend Nathan, even though it's probably wrong of me. I can't help it. If someone's going to attack him, I'm going to defend him. Even though he is wrong about all things these days, that's just the way it is.

"You drink a lot," I tell him quietly and Lucas nods his agreement. "I don't know when the last time you hugged Jamie was or when you told him you loved him...besides today."

"You haven't seen anyone," Lucas adds. "As soon as you came home from the hospital, you like refused to see people. Skills wanted to come see you. And Mouth and Junk and Fergie. Hell, Nate! Even Tim called wanting to see you!"

"And Brooke and Peyton," I throw in. Hell, it can't hurt. "Lindsey wanted to come over to help all the time, and you always said no. Jamie can't have friends over because of how you are. I'm embarrassed to have people over to our house because we all know how you're going to be."

"A jackass," Lucas informs him when his eyes take on a questioning look like he doesn't understand how he's going to be when people come over. Maybe he doesn't though. Maybe he's always too drunk to know how he is when people are there."

He flips Luke off then, and my jaw drops. That's mature. "I don't need this," he scoffs, and in typical Nathan fashion, he wheels away now that things are tough.

Lucas wraps his arms around me when my sobs come out, and I just let him hold me. It's nice to actually let someone hold me for once too. Usually I do the holding with Jamie and Nathan hasn't held me in forever. It's nice that Lucas is such a great friend that he would do this for me and just let me cry.


	4. Chapter 4

Jamie and I left our house with Lucas about an hour later. Lucas and I let Nathan say goodbye to Jamie after he came downstairs and then we just left. I didn't want to clean anything else up, and I didn't even want to look at Nathan anymore. He was just disappointing me.

I had planned on staying longer. I wanted the two of them to have their time together. I wanted Jamie to tell Nathan all the stories that he told me he wanted to tell him, but he just couldn't. I didn't want to stay there with Nathan pouting and Lucas fuming and me crying. And with Jamie just sitting over there wondering what the hell was going on with his family. It was best to just get him out of there.

Nathan called that night and wanted to talk to Jamie. I wouldn't let him. Jamie had cried in the car on the way back to Lucas's wondering why he couldn't be with Nathan. He finally calmed down when I stopped for ice cream and bought him a new video game to play with his Uncle Lucas and Skills. Nathan fought me on it, but I told him that he had already made Jamie cry enough that day, and I didn't want it to start again. He hung up after he realized he wasn't going to get his way. But I'm not surprised.

Now here I am, getting ready to leave work for the weekend. I get to spend it with Jamie, and I'm so excited. I feel like ever since the Nathan fiasco, we haven't had time to be together. He's been with Lucas and Lindsey a lot, and that's okay with me. He needs some kind of male figure in his life, and that's fine that it's his uncle. Lindsey is only in town for a few more days, and she loves him too so I'm glad they're spending time together before she leaves. I love the face that so many people love my son, but sometimes, I just want him to myself.

I'm picking my bag up and checking the desk for anything I might have forgotten to put in it when the door swings open and Lindsey comes in. "Hey! I have been sitting in the parking lot waiting for school to end so I could come talk to you!"

"Hello yourself." I chuckle and lean back on my desk. "What's up?"

"Lucas and I spent the whole morning planning an intervention," she announces, passing me a piece of paper.

And there it is. Everything we need to do. The facts and tips are on here. Even phone numbers of people in the area we can call if we need help. I'm glad she put those on here because we'll probably need all the help we can get.

"See?" She points to a spot on the paper. "Luke listed people that can be there with us and if you think of any more, you can add them. We have all the points that we need to make to him as to why he needs to get sober right here," she says, her finger moving towards another spot, "and all you have to do is figure out when you want to do this!"

She looks so pleased with herself, and she really should be. This is a great help to me. I've been wondering how we're going to do this, but I haven't had the courage to look for myself. I'm afraid of what I'm going to read or see. I don't want it to say how wrong I've been by telling him what I've told him or by doing what I've done.

"Lindsey, thank you!" I throw my arms around her, my bag bashing me in the back. I ignore that and just hug her for a bit longer. I want her to know how much I appreciate this. "You have helped me out so much!"

"Hey, Haley, we're friends," she reminds me. "I love Nathan and I love you and Jamie. Of course I'm going to help you out."

"Well hopefully it works," I reply.

"It will. I'm sure of it!" she exclaims. "Nathan loves you so much. That was obvious from the first moment I met him...he's just lost right now. He just needs someone to tell him where to go, and I'm sure that this is the way to do it. We'll get all these people together who love him and need him, and we'll tell him that."

"I've tried that, Linds," I admit. "I've tried to tell him that we love him and we need him and he just keeps saying that he doesn't have a problem." I shrug. "I don't know what else to do if he won't listen to any of the people on this list." I hold up the paper I still have.

"Are the names we put down here okay?" she asks worriedly. "Luke said he didn't think it should be a big thing considering how private Nathan is so if not all these people need to know then we can take them off."

"Well, some of them might not need to be on there. Like Tim? He and Nathan haven't spoken in a few months so that's probably not necessary."

"Yeah, Luke just figured that he would mention people who used to be close to Nathan. From what he said they were really close."

"Oh they were," I agree. "But after I came along, it kind of diminished and then Tim went to another school for senior year and I got pregnant with Jamie. But while they were in college they started hanging out again...and then the whole NBA thing happened so Tim kind of backed off. He wanted Nathan to be the best player he could and he didn't want to hold him back. So I guess in a way he was being a great friend for that." I look at her and she nods. "To be honest? I never cared much for Tim. He's a little...creepy."

She laughs out loud at that. "I've heard stories from Lucas. I totally agree with that statement." She plops down in a desk and I put my bag down and sit it on top of my own desk. I think she wants to talk now - she's got her girly gossiping face on so I'm going to go for it. It'll be nice just to talk with her for a while, and not about Nathan's problem. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I smile at her, letting her know whatever she wants to ask me is fine.

"How did you feel the day you and Nathan got married? How did you know he was the one when you were that young?"

"Are you and Luke..." I trail off, not wanting to butt into issues that aren't mine. I don't want to be nosy. Nosy people tend to piss me off, so I don't want to be one of them.

"No!" she says a little too loudly and I give her a questioning look. She lowers her voice and speaks again. "It's that that I don't want to be. He's just never asked...and I love Lucas, but I feel like I'm still so young, and I don't know if he's the one."

"I see." I lean back in my chair and think about all the good times a bit before I answer her. There are so many and they started so long ago...Nathan kissing me that first time in front of my old house, the day he kissed me in the rain after I found the porn on his computer, the way he asked me to marry him and the way he looked that day with his wet hair all sexy and shaggy, the time Lucas got in that car wreck and Nathan was the one who took me to him, the night he gave me a little purple flower when nothing about it had gone the way I wanted, the way he professed his love to me on TV instead of accepting his scholarship offer to Duke, the day Jamie was born, the day we moved out of his mom's house and into our apartment with Lucas right before college started, when Jamie started walking and Nathan ran out immediately to buy a new video camera to record it all, Nathan and the Cobras winning the championship, and Nathan getting drafted into the NBA and kissing me senseless after it happened.

"Haley?" Lindsey waves her hand around. "What are you smiling about?"

I sigh as the smile falls from my face. Back to reality. "All the good times I had with Nathan before all of this crap," I answer, shaking my head.

"Ah." She nods. "See what I mean? It's so obvious to me just by the look on your face that Nathan is the one for you. How did you know that?"

"I just...everything always comes back to him, you know? Whenever anything ever happened to me, he was the first person I thought of to tell. He's the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning, and the last person I think of before I fall asleep. He's an amazing father to our son and he always protects me. I don't think there's one reason as to why he's the one for me," I tell her. "He just is. I felt it in my heart when I was seventeen years old, and I still feel it today."

She smiles, and I know she must be feeling that with Lucas. That kind of hurts because he used to be in love with Peyton, but if Lindsey is the girl he ends up with, then I'll be happy. She's a sweet girl. "Through everything?"

"Through everything," I confirm. "Even when all the bad stuff was going on...me leaving in high school and all that? He was still the one for me. I still knew that. And I still feel the same way even though he's going through all this. Just because things are hard doesn't mean my feelings are going to go away."

"Even if things don't work out?" she questions. "If you and Nathan don't make it out on top, if you can't be who you used to be...he'll still be the one?"

"Always."

And that's the truth. No matter what happens, Nathan will always be my first and only real love. I will feel that for the rest of my life. I know that. He's the father of my son, and truly my best friend besides Lucas. He's just everything to me, and he will always be the one.

On the way to be with Jamie, I think back to my conversation with Lindsey. I'm glad she brought all that up with me. I really am. It kind of made me realize my priorities besides keeping Jamie safe. My marriage and saving it is also a big priority. Nathan is the one, and I don't know what I'll do if our marriage does fail. Marrying him was the best thing I've ever done even though we've been through all of this hurt.

We've been through everything together. We've been through the for better or for worse, and the sickness and health. We've been through the for richer or poorer, and we've stuck by each other for all of that. Times have always been hard, but Nathan is the person who I chose to spend my life with, and I still want that. We just need to get him back on track.

I know I've been spending days going back and forth between what I want. Some days I know that I want Nathan for the rest of my life, and other days I'm totally set on getting him out of our lives. We don't need him dragging us down. But today, after talking with Lindsey and telling her about how Nathan's the one for me through everything, I know what I want. I know I want Nathan to be well and sober, and then he can start being my husband again. It's what I want. I don't want to lose Nathan.

When I reach Lucas's house, I smile when I pull into his driveway. He and Jamie are sitting on the swing out on the front porch, which I remember Lucas doing with his mom quite frequently back in high school. I remember him doing it with his Uncle Keith too. It warms me right now knowing that Jamie has Lucas. He's a great uncle, just like Keith was.

After I take my things into the house and change into jeans and a t-shirt with our college on the front and Nathan's number on the back that I used to wear to all his games, I join them on the porch. I scoop Jamie up as soon as I see him and plant kisses all over his face. He's squirming in my grasp, and I know he is too old for this, but I can't help it. I feel like I never see him these days. "I missed you!" I squeal.

"Mommy!" he groans and pushes me away a little. He doesn't make me put him down though, and I'm glad. He's growing up and I know he isn't one for cuddling with his mommy much anymore, but it makes me happy when he does let me.

"You know you missed me too, Jamie!" I tickle him and set him down and he goes back to sitting by his uncle. That's fine. His uncle is apparently so much cooler than his own mother these days. He played basketball! That's Jamie's attitude anyway. Jamie adores the game, just like all Scotts. I know that's part of the reason he and Nathan are so close - the love of the game. And it does worry me sometimes, but I love that they can bond over that. It's really special that they share that.

"A little," he admits reluctantly and then launches into a story about what he and Lucas did after Lucas picked him up from school. Apparently they played Rock Band on the Playstation. Jamie is a whiz on that contraption too. He puts me to shame. I suck and Nathan has told me that for years.

"That kid kicked my butt, Hales," Lucas informs me, smiling at me. "Did Lindsey go see you today?"

"Yeah, she did," I reply, leaning up against the porch frame. "I'm really glad you two did that before you went and got him." I motion to Jamie who has moved to the driveway and is trying to shoot a basketball into the hoop which is like four times bigger than he is. Too bad he doesn't have that one that Luke bought him not too long ago. Nathan broke that.

"I'm glad to do it and you know it. It's time we get him back. I miss my brother."

"We all miss him, Lucas. It's so weird, you know? We know where he is and what he's doing but it's not the Nathan we all know and love so we still miss him...even though he's right here." Well, that made more sense in my mind. I just kind of rambled it out there.

He looks confused for a minute, but then just chuckles, watching Jamie throwing the ball up in the air. "I think I get it."

"Oh Luke, you've known me like my entire life. I know you understand what I'm saying. You get it when no one else does."

"Me and Nathan," he says and that's the truth. He and Nathan were the two that always got me. It's just a Scott thing.

I ignore him, unsure of what to say to that. "So has Jamie said anything to you about his daddy?" I laugh when he chucks the ball at the backboard and it just comes straight back to him. Oops.

"He asks about him a lot actually. I think he asks me instead of you because he's seen you cry over Nathan so many times. He picks up on it Hales, you know?"

"I know." I sigh and move over to the seat beside him. "I don't want him to see me like that. I just can't help it anymore. But thank you for being there for him. I really do appreciate all you've been doing."

"Aw." He puts his arm around me and pulls me against him in a comforting big brother sort of way. "If you ever need anything, you know I'm here. You're my family, and I'd do anything for you. I'd do anything for Jamie and Nathan too. You know that."

I nod and lay my head on his shoulder. "Sometimes I wish we were still in high school," I tell him honestly. "I wish it were you and me against the world again the way it was for so many years. Everything would be so much simpler. Except for you and your girl problems," I tease, nudging him with my elbow. He rolls his eyes and I go on. "But then I look at my son, and I realize that my life wasn't complete until he came along. I never knew how much I needed someone that I hadn't even met."

"He needs you too," Lucas acknowledges. "And for the record, that's how Nathan feels too. He told me that a few days after he was born, and you sent him on a diaper run. He stopped in at the cafe, and I asked him how things were going, and he told me exactly what you just did. He never knew he would need a person that much."

"If he needs him so much, why does he not understand he has a problem when he looks at Jamie? Shouldn't he be able to realize things aren't right when the one person he needs most isn't there with him?" I wonder out loud.

"He's in denial. And he's hurt."

"But if he's hurt, then he needs to know why he's hurting," I counter. "He should understand that to stop hurting, he needs to get his life back on track. He can have it all back, Luke! I was thinking on the way over here that once he's better, I want him as my husband. I don't want a divorce or anything. I want him."

"That's why we worked on the intervention thing," he reminds me again. "Because we all want Nathan back. I want my brother and Jamie wants his dad and you want your husband. We all want different things out of Nathan, and I'm telling you right now, I will not settle until we all have what we want." I open my mouth to tell him thanks, but he holds his hand up to stop me. "I know what you're going to say. But you don't have to thank me...I told you we're family and I'd do anything for you."

"And I'd do anything for you," I say, smiling. I don't know how I got so lucky to have him in my life. He's the best. "Now I think Jamie might want to go play with you. He's looking a little...distraught." Luke's eyes follow mine to where Jamie is pouting and stomping his foot on the ground.

"It's the height problem," he says, standing up. "Got it from his mommy."

"Shut up, Luke!" I cry, crossing my arms. "I can't help it!"

"Yeah, yeah," he mutters. "I don't understand how he is so short with a father as tall as Nathan is."

"Just go play with him," I order, laughing at his teasing, even though it's all at my expense.

The next morning, Jamie and I wake up early and decide to walk around town and get some breakfast and then head to the park. I'm holding his hand as we're crossing the street when I see a familiar blonde head on the sidewalk where we're headed. "Mama?" He tugs on my hand. "We know her right?"

"We sure do," I say, smiling. Oh gosh, it's been a long time and I didn't expect to see her, considering she moved in with her boyfriend in South Carolina two years ago. "Deb!" I flag her down.

She stops and pushes her sunglasses back on her bright blonde hair. "Haley?" She blinks a few times and then her eyes move to Jamie. "Jamie! Oh my God!" She stoops down to get eye level with him. "Come give your grandma a hug!"

"I knew I had seen her before!" he exclaims, looking up at me. I smile at him and urge him forward.

Nathan's mother hugs Jamie and I can tell it's a bit awkward. She hasn't seen him in a long time. When he was first born, Nathan and I were living with her, so she watched him all the time. When we went off to college, she visted often. Nathan always said it was because she didn't want to be alone in her big house, so we were thrilled when we found out she had a boyfriend and was going to live with him. We knew she wouldn't be alone anymore. Our excitement died down when she informed us he lived out of state. Jamie wouldn't know his grandmother anymore, but there was nothing we could do to stop her. It was her choice, and neither Nathan nor Karen wanted to tell her not to go...so we let her go.

I'm shocked to see her. I had no idea she was coming and she calls me out on that when she stands up. "Surprised?" She smiles a warm smile, and it's nice to see. Deb is sometimes nice to me and sometimes not. She's very protective of Nathan, and if she doesn't like something I'm doing, she makes it known. Obviously I haven't done anything wrong in her eyes...yet.

"I...well, yeah!" I cry out, moving forward to let her hug me. "It's great to see you! What are you doing here?"

"Haley..." Her smile fades and I realize then that she knows about Nathan's state. When she heard about his accident, she came to see him but he wouldn't let her, so she left crushed. "I know that Nathan's...sad," she improvises when she realizes that Jamie's eyes are wide and alert to everything, and that his ears are alert as well.

"How did you find out?" I ask, straightening out my clothing after our hug.

"Lucas told Karen and she gave me a call," she explains. "I know that maybe you didn't want me to know yet, but I figured it was time I came back to town. I'm here indefinitely," she informs me. "I don't know how to do this, but I want to help Nathan. And help you and Jamie."

"Thank you." I take Jamie's hand and we move over to a bench in front of a store, Deb following us. Once we're situated, I speak again. "Where are you staying?"

"The beach house," she answers. I remember then that she never sold it. Good for her. It's going to come in use now.

"I see. Actually, I'm glad you're in town. Lucas and Lindsey planned Nathan's intervention," I say quietly. I understand that Jamie doesn't know what that means, but I don't want him repeating it. "You were on the list of people, so please don't think that I wasn't going to call you."

She shakes her head. "I didn't think that at all," she defends, and maybe I was wrong in saying that. But things with Deb have always been tense, and I guess I kind of feel the need to defend myself to her. "Karen said she'd spoken to Lucas about it, and that there was going to be one but she wasn't sure when. I figured I would just come in now and see where my services were needed."

"That's really great of you. I don't know where you can start," I admit to her. "I don't even know where to start. You know that Nathan told me that he can't be the same person he was, and that Jamie and I should just leave. So we did."

"Oh Haley." She sighs, shaking her head again. "I didn't know it had come to that. I knew there were serious problems, but I had no idea the two of you weren't staying there any longer."

"I'd been thinking about it a long time. I just never had the guts to do it, and then when Nathan spoke the words, it was like a light bulb went off, and I knew we had to get out of there. It was best for Jamie. I don't want him around Nathan's...sadness."

She smiles sadly. "I'm sorry it's come to this."

"Me too." We sit in silence for a moment, and there's so much more I'd like to tell Deb. She's his mother and she deserves to know all this, but Jamie's right here, and I've probably said too much already. "Let me get Jamie breakfast and take him to the playground and then I'll take him somewhere so you and I can talk," I suggest. "There's so much I'd like to talk to you about, Deb, but I can't with him right here."

"He's being unusually quiet," she says, more for Jamie's benefit than mine I'm assuming, because she tickles him as she says it. "I understand that he hasn't seen me in a while, so we're going to make up for lost time! What do you say, Jamie?"

He smiles shyly and looks up at me. I nod at him. "Sure!" He kind of jumps up like he is finally done sitting quietly and moves closer to his grandma. "You can come play Rock Band with me and we can play ball and you can help with my Legos!"

She laughs and looks genuinely excited. "I'd love to!"

A few hours later, after Jamie gets chocolate chip pancakes and we spend some time at the playground, I drop him off at Brooke and Peyton's place. Peyton is at the studio, but Brooke is more than happy to watch him. She loves that little boy to pieces.

I drive out to the beach house. Deb told me that she had unpacking to do, so it would be easy to just meet there. I let myself in after she yells at me from the upstairs window to do so. It's so strange walking in this house. I haven't been here for years...not since before we went to college. Nathan and I snuck out for the evening. Deb was watching Jamie, and we wanted some time alone. I remember just walking along the beach, holding hands and talking about how great Jamie's life was going to be.

I try to control my tears as I take in the setting around me. I walk into the living room. There are pictures of Nathan everywhere, and there's some of me and him, and then some of all three of us. They're painful to look at. I can't believe they're still up. No one has stayed in this house for a long time. I think Dan was probably the last person to actually live out here. I know Deb put them up after he moved out to make it more homey in case someone did end up coming to stay here. It never happened, but the pictures never came down. And neither did any of the memories that happened in this house. They're all still here - clear as a bell in my mind.

Deb comes down the stairs and then greets me with another hug. "You look tired, Haley," she comments as she walks into the kitchen.

"Well I can understand that," I respond, not at all offended as I follow her. "I am tired." I'm emotionally and physically exhausted, but that's to be expected, I think, with a situation like mine.

"Would you like a cup of tea or something?" she offers, moving to the cabinet hanging by the refrigerator.

"Oh no," I decline, "I'm alright."

"Nervous?" she guesses.

"I don't know," I admit. "We haven't seen each other in a long time, and I just wish it was under different circumstances that you were coming back here. Not because your son is an alcoholic."

"Or sad?" She smiles, referring to how we disguised his alcoholism in front of Jamie.

"Or sad," I repeat. "Deb, I don't know how things got so messed up." I sit at the table and watch the water drip out of the faucet as she begins to make tea. "One day Nathan was going into the NBA and the next he's passed out in a wheelchair."

"I feel as if..." She pauses and pinches the bridge of her nose. "I feel as if this is my fault. I had those problems for years, Haley, and you know that. I was in rehab a few times for having unhealthy addictions. I used pills and alcohol to cover up the problems in my life, and Nathan's doing the same."

I take a deep breath, letting what she just said sink in. I've never really thought of that before. I've never blamed anyone for Nathan's addiction, and I'm not about to. That's not my right, but of course what she's saying does make a lot of sense. It was Nathan's choice to start drinking, but he did that knowing what his mother went through, and he did that knowing that he had a higher risk of becoming an alcoholic.

I could put the blame on Deb. I really could, but I won't do that. She doesn't need to hear that. I know that when I tell her it's not her fault, she will still feel incredibly guilty, and I'm not about to do that to her. She's come here to help him, and she is the one person who can really understand what he is going through. It's a good thing she's here.

"Maybe he is," I agree with her. "But it's not your fault he decided one day to pick up a bottle of alcohol. It was his choice, and he made that knowing full well that his family has a history of alcoholism and that it can mess people up." I pat her hand when she sits at the table with me. "Don't blame yourself for his choices, Deb."

She nods, covering my hand that is still on top of hers with her other one. "Can I just say that you're handling all of this so well? You have a grace about you, Haley, and you're doing a great job despite the situation you're in."

"I have to." I shrug. "At least I have to try to handle this well. I can't have Jamie parentless."

"You're right." She leans back and crosses her arms. "Nathan's missing out on that little boy, I'll tell you that much."

"Well hopefully he'll come out of this, and he won't miss out anymore," I point out. "Jamie is missing him terribly and I know that Nathan misses him."

"We need a course of action," she announces after she goes on for a few minutes about how precious and perfect my son is. That's always wonderful to hear. "I know you guys have the intervention planned, and I'd like to hear more details on that when you get the chance. For now, have you emptied the house of all the alcohol?"

"No," I tell her softly. "I didn't want to upset him anymore than I already have. I know he can't go out and get more, and I know there's not much left in that house. That's what Luke said anyway...I think he's checked it out. But I never took what he has in there out."

"Okay, well we need to do that," she says. I know she's right. I don't know why I didn't do it before. I didn't want to upset him anymore, I guess, and honestly, I don't think I had the courage. "I'll go with you," she offers. "It will give me a chance to see my son."

"Yeah, that'd be a big help. I need you to brace yourself before we go, though. He's not the same Nathan. He's a big mess, physically and emotionally, Deb."

"I think I can handle it," she says, standing up to get her tea.

I certainly hope she can. I lived with it for four months, and I can still barely handle it. Hopefully she's stronger than I am.


	5. Chapter 5

**First of all, let me say thank you all SO MUCH for the replies... I really appreciate that people are keeping up with and enjoying this fic. I haven't posted a multiple chapters fic in like three years, so it's nice that I'm getting replies on my first one back in a long time. I know that no one is very happy with Nathan right now, but I promise, like most fics out there do, things will get better! Thanks again!**

**-Lindsay**

Later on, after I help her tidy up the beach house and she's all unpacked and settled in, I drive us over to the house. I feel kind of funny calling it 'our' house right now, because I'm not staying there, but calling it 'Nathan's' house makes it seem…final. Like Nathan and I are completely over, and I am not wanting to feel that right now. It's better to just call it 'the' house. It's simple and easy.

"Tree Hill hasn't changed," she remarks as we pull into our neighborhood.

"Not at all," I agree. "When Nathan and I moved back here, I figured something would be different you know? The buildings would be changed or the teachers would be different out at the high school or something…but nothing is different. I just teach at a school with teachers and a principal that I had when I was in high school and the buildings haven't even had a new coat of paint."

She chuckles. "Surely they have. You guys haven't lived here for years," she reminds me.

"I know. But I swear to you…no new paint."

"I'll check that out for myself." She looks at our house as I pull into the driveway. "This is it?"

"Yeah. I forgot you'd never been here before. Home sweet home." I laugh inwardly about the irony of that statement. Nothing about this home is sweet anymore. It's not even home right now.

"You two did really good for your family," she tells me, still looking at the house. "It's a big upgrade from those tiny apartments you tend to pick."

"Everybody grows up." I shrug, taking a deep breath. "You ready for this?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." She unbuckles her seatbelt and opens her door. "You coming?" Ugh. I really don't want to. I'd rather just sit out here and let her handle it all. I don't want to go back in there. I really don't. "Come on, Haley," she urges me.

Unable to ignore it any longer, I unbuckle my seatbelt and lead us up the steps. "You might want to hold your breath. The alcohol smell is pretty overpowering," I warn her before pushing the door open.

I can hear the TV on in Nathan's usual room and I walk in there. "Tour later, okay?" She winks at me.

"Of course."

I can hear her gasp when she sees her son sitting there. He's in his wheelchair, a bottle in one hand and the remote in the other. He is nothing like the person she remembers, I know that, and so does she. "Nathan?" she says tentatively.

He looks up for the first time since we walked in the house even though I know he heard us come in. He may be a drunk, but he's not deaf. His eyes narrow when he sees who has come with me and spoken his name. "Well, well, what do we have here?" He smirks. "If it isn't the two women who abandoned me!"

It is my turn to gasp at what Deb does next. Before I can stop her, she is walking over to him, smacking him hard across the face and ripping the bottle from out of his hand. She then takes the remote and shuts off the TV. "What the hell is the matter with you?!" she hisses at him.

"Me? What the hell is wrong with you, Mom? You just slapped me!"

"Fine." She passes the bottle to me and then levels her gaze at him. "You can be mad at me all you want. I really don't care because I know you're not in your right mind, Nathan Royal Scott. But do not disrespect Haley. She has been nothing but supportive of you in all of this. You'd be wise to remember that now."

"Right," he scoffs. "I'm gonna listen to you."

"You're damn right you will," she retorts, walking around and picking up a few of the stray bottles lying around. I just picked up in here too. What the hell? Where is his hidden supply of alcohol? Seriously! "I'm your mother, and I know exactly what you're going through."

"You never got abandoned, Mother," he says angrily, directing his gaze to me. "You were never abandoned and you were never paralyzed."

"You don't have to be! I read the reports, Nathan, and I spoke to doctors and I spoke to your wife and your brother and your friends. I know that the paralysis is temporary, but you won't do anything about it! I know you just sit there all day and drink and do nothing." He opens his mouth probably to say something rude and inconsiderate but she stops him. "You will wait until I am finished," she demands and to my surprise, he complies. "You can say that I abandoned you and that I know nothing, but obviously you are wrong. I know exactly what's going on, and I would like it to stop.

"Now you have a beautiful son who adores you and just wants his daddy back. I could tell from the short amount of time I spent with him today, and you have a supportive wife who would do anything for you. You need to get healthy for them, Nathan, and if not for them, then do it for yourself. You're a strong man with a great life ahead of you…you're letting this alcohol overtake you though. You won't have the chance for a great life much longer if you let this continue."

"Nathan," I jump in and I cringe when I see how angry he looks right now. "We still have a future if you want one. You just need to stop all of this drinking and fighting with all of us. You're being ridiculously stubborn, but everyone just wants the best for you."

"If you wanted the best for me, you wouldn't have left," he responds quietly. "I'm alone now, Haley, and I was raised by my father alone," he says venomously, a direct insult at Deb. "I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh?"

"Oh shut up, Nathan," Deb bites out.

Wow. I never thought I would see this. Nathan was always the one ordering her around, making it known how he felt. It's so weird to see this right now - to see their positions switched. I kind of like it. I haven't been standing up to Nathan like this, and maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this is exactly what he needs.

"What needs to be done?" she continues on. "Do you need to see a black eye on your son or a broken arm on your wife and know that you caused it because you were drunk and hurt them? Is that what you want? Do you want it to get that far?" She kneels down beside him. "I know you don't want to see them hurt, Nathan. I know that. I know how much you love them…you've loved Haley since you were barely an adult. All I'm saying is, you've let it go too far already, and if it goes farther, you might just see Jamie with that black eye or Haley with that broken arm."

I wince at the images that come to my mind. My son with a black eye that his daddy gave him…me explaining to people that I have a broken arm because Nathan threw me down the stairs or something…it's all too much and I have to sit down against the wall and just look at Nathan and Deb. I let the tears fall as I watch Nathan's face cast a myriad of emotions.

"Mom," he addresses. "No one asked for your input on this. No one has seen you in God knows how long, and now you're back here expecting to run my life? No," he denies, "you won't do it."

"That's wrong, Nathan," she tells him. "Haley has asked for help. Well actually," she says, looking at me, "I offered and she accepted. Even if she didn't, I would have stayed to help. I love you and I just want you to be okay."

"She's not trying to run your life, Nathan," I inform him from my place on the floor. "She isn't trying to dictate anything to you, but she's been where you are and she can help you."

"Help me how? By telling me what a screw up I am? You tell me enough for everyone, Haley!"

"Excuse me?" I stand up so fast I nearly fall back over. "I tell you you're a screw up? I have been nothing but supportive of you and your career and your choices and dreams. Except this, Nathan. I won't sit by and let you drink yourself away."

"I'm not drinking myself away!" he argues. "I'm not!"

"Honey, you are," Deb says. "You've been drinking to the point where you don't even shower, and your wife and son have left you. You're drinking your life away, and Jamie's going to grow up without a father unless you knock this off. Now."

"Whatever," he mutters and Deb looks at me helplessly. It's obvious to me that she's said all she can to make him see what he's doing and he won't listen. Everyone has tried with him, and there's not anything else to say, I'd imagine. We've tried everything.

"Nathan, please," I beg him, going to kneel on the other side of him. I rest my hand on his thigh and to my surprise, he doesn't push it away. "Please consider your son and how much he needs you. I know you need him too, Nathan, I know it." The tears are still falling and I wipe away at them furiously. "We all love you so much, and if you just get sober, we'll be right back at your side. You have to make a choice here - your son or your booze."

It pains me to say that out loud. Back in high school, Nathan took his mom's pills away and to school with him. She barged into our classroom demanding her pills and Nathan told her she had to make a choice between him, her own son, or her pills. She chose the pills, and I will never forget the look on his face. He was shocked and disappointed and it just broke my heart that she was that far gone. I hope to God that he isn't so far gone like Deb was that he won't choose his own son. Oh God, he has to choose him. I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't. Probably curl up in a hole and die.

Deb nods in agreement. "Nathan, I know a long time ago, I chose the pills over you, and looking back on that, I feel some serious regrets. I don't want you to choose alcohol and wake up one day regretting that, knowing that you should have picked your son…knowing that you lost so much time with him that you'll never get back."

He very slowly puts his hand over mine and I nearly gasp at the contact. I never expected him to show anything physical towards me - not in a million years. This is kind of a ray of light for me though. Maybe he's reaching out for help now. Maybe he knows what he has to do.

"Haley…"

He doesn't say anything after my name and I look at Deb. Her eyes get a little bit wider like she is seeing the light too. She stands up and announces that she's going to look around the house and see all the different rooms and things. I know she is really going on an alcohol hunt, and I'm glad. It needs to be done and it needs to be done quickly.

After she leaves I look at him. "Do you need to say anything?" I question, noticing that his hand is still on mine.

"I don't know what there is to say," he admits. "Do I want to lose you? No I don't. I want to be there for Jamie and you through everything. You know that. I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I didn't want that. But I don't have a problem, Haley," he says stubbornly.

Oh boy. This is great. The light I was seeing suddenly vanishes and I am back to where I was a few days ago when he was telling me that he could do it with just me and Jamie. He can't get by with just us. He needs professional help. He needs to have someone to talk to. Someone who knows what they're doing and knows how to handle this problem.

"God, Nathan," I groan, standing up and wringing my hands. "When are you going to learn?! What the fuck do I have to do to make you see!?"

His eyes get wide and I know it is because I swore at him. I rarely do that kind of stuff. And when I do, it's usually because I'm pissed. And guess what? I am! I have every right to be pissed at him! Every right!

"You are unbelievable! Why can't you see how screwed up you are right now?" I rant on. "You need help. So much help that I don't even know where to start!"

"Well you didn't help my walking out," he informs me rudely.

"How many times are we going to go over this?!" I cry out. "Nathan, we had to go! And in case you've forgotten, you told me to go! You said you weren't going to be the person that you've always been and that we should just go! So we did, and now you want to blame everything that's happened on it! Well guess what Nathan? All of the blame falls on your shoulders! You got into a bar fight, you got tossed through the window, you got paralyzed and you started drinking! None of that has to do with me! None of it!"

"I was fighting because of you!" he screams at me. He blanches after he says it, and I know it's because he knows I don't know the real reason for his fighting. Sure, I've had this idea, but he's never told me before, and I don't think he had any intention of it. "Shit," he swears.

"Me?" I sink into the smelly couch and wait for him to talk. I need to know now. I have to know.

He takes a deep breath. I've never heard this story before. All I ever got was bar fight, sailing through window and paralysis. "He just said shit about you, Haley, and that's why I was going to fight him. He was insulting you so I went at him. Lucas told me to walk away and I did, but when I was in the car and Lucas was going to find the driver, I heard him saying shit about me. He was telling people that I had hit him and I never did. So I went back in there telling him that if I had hit him, he would have known it. That's when we went at it again, and I ended up crashing through a fucking window and getting glass lodged in my damn spine."

"Nathan," I voice in a whisper. "I don't even…I don't even know what to say."

"There's nothing to say, I guess," he bites back. He is clearly pissed at me and not just because I'm pushing him to get help and get his family back. He's pissed because I'm kind of the reason for his accident…at least the reason he wanted to get in a fight.

"No, there's…there's gotta be something," I manage to get out. I'm still stunned by this confession, I guess you could call it. Even though I had the idea of it, I never figured he would come out and say it.

"Like what? Sorry you left that night? Sorry that he was insulting you and I was trying to protect your honor?" He shakes his head. "You don't have to say anything about it, Haley, and you certainly don't have to apologize for any of it. Like you said, it's not your fault."

"God…" I stand up and walk over to him, kneeling right in front of him. "You know what? I'm not going to apologize for it. That wasn't what I was thinking at all," I tell him honestly. "I love you and I wish I had done things differently that night, but I'm not going to apologize for your temper. You've made it perfectly clear that I can't control it or you so why should I apologize for something I can't control?"

"I don't know. At least tell me you wish you had stayed! You wish that Lucas would have left instead of you, anything!"

I nod, placing my hands back on his thighs. I don't know if it's a comfort to him or not, but it's kind of a comfort to me. At least I can be semi-close to him. "I do wish that, Nathan. Maybe if I were there, you wouldn't have done what you did. I know you listen to me more than you listen to your brother, but I can't apologize for leaving. We have a son and our son needed one of us there that night."

"Okay, fine." He holds up his hands in surrender. "It's done and over with and we're both suffering for it now. I'm done arguing about it."

This is a shock to me. Nathan, in all the years I've known him, has never been one to back down from an argument. He will drag it out until I walk out of the room or end up crying or apologize to him. He never admits he's wrong first. Ever. It's just his stubborn attitude, and I'm used to it. This surrendering? This is something I am not used to.

"So back to what we were discussing earlier…you need help. We all know it. I don't know what I have to do to make you understand this." I reach up and gently stroke his stubbly cheek. "How about you go take a shower or something?" I suggest suddenly. Maybe things will be easier to talk about if he is clean and sober. He seems to be getting to that point. He's arguing and it's halfway making sense…besides the fact he's denying he has a problem.

"Yeah, uh, I guess I can do that," he answers. "Can you start it for me and make sure the chair is in there?"

It just breaks my heart that Nathan is this…this invalid now. He has to shower with one of those shower chairs they use for people in nursing homes. He can hardly do much on his own, but he won't ask for help. I'm glad he's asking me for some now. It's a step in the right direction, and for now, it's good enough for me.


	6. Chapter 6

Nathan showers and to my surprise, asks for my assistance in getting dressed. He does manage to get out of the shower and into the guest room where he sleeps sometimes because he can't get up the stairs. I've talked to him before about having wheelchair ramps installed but we've never done it. Partly because if we do, it will make Nathan's diagnosis more permanent. He has his shirt on when I walk in. He just needs help with the pants and socks and shoes part.

After I'm finished and Nathan is still sitting on the bed where he was when I first walked in, he takes hold of my hand and makes me sit beside him. "Thank you," he says, and I can tell he is being genuine when he says it.

Assuming that he is in a halfway decent mood now, I go about teasing him. "If only you'd do that more often," I joke about his showering. He just rolls his eyes at me. "Now how about maybe a shave and a trim?" I suggest, figuring that if he's going to shower, maybe he will go all out and do this as well.

He raises his eyebrows at me. "You gonna do it?"

"If you'll agree to it. Or I can call someone and have them do it. That will probably look a lot better than if I do it." I nudge him gently. He agrees and I eagerly pull my phone out from my pocket and Brooke tells me she will be here in a half hour. She used to give me hair trims and stuff back in high school. She hated my hair and liked to try to change it, so she knows what she's doing. Plus, she's not going to charge us for it, and she doesn't mind making a house call.

"Are she and Peyton keeping an eye on Jamie?" Nathan questions after I hang up.

"Yeah," I report. "Peyton's going to watch him while she does this for you."

"I hate that you're doing this to me, Haley," he mutters, unable to remain eye contact with me.

"Doing what?" I play dumb even though I know full well what he's talking about. He hates that Jamie isn't here and that I won't let him come.

"You know what," he replies, a knowing smirk on his face. "He's my son too, and look what you've done here. You've gotten me sober for now, I'm showered and Brooke's coming over to cut my hair or some shit. What else has to happen for me to see him?"

I sigh, and there is no way I'm ignoring his remark about how he's sober "for now," but I won't bring that up right now. I don't want to argue again. He's being cooperative and I'm going to relish this for a bit. "I need to get you cleaned up so you're presentable," I lie. Well, I guess it's not a total lie. I'd rather have him smelling decently and his hair somewhat styled before Jamie sees him, but I'm not really worried about that. I want him getting help and sober before Jamie sees him.

He has this look on his face, and I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think that he knows I'm lying to him. He won't come out and say it though and I'm grateful for that. "Look, I know you want me to get help," he brings up, weaving his fingers in between mine. Shock. "But the thing is, Haley, I can stop. I can knock this shit off whenever I want. I just need you and Jamie with me to do it."

I rub my thumb lightly over his knuckles. I wish all of this were that easy. I wish he could quit whenever if Jamie and I were with him, but that's a lie. Jamie and I were with him for four months and he didn't quit anything. It just got worse, and because of this, I can't believe Nathan. I won't. "Nathan…it's not that simple. You've said and done things that I don't want Jamie around. I can't trust that you're not going to say and do those things again." He opens his mouth, but I'm on a rant now. It's my turn to talk and it's my turn to get my way. He always seems to get his, but not anymore.

"You and I, as his parents, are supposed to protect him. We're supposed to keep this bad stuff from him until he's older and begins questioning it. We have both failed at that," I point out to him. "You drink and expose him to alcoholism and I don't do anything about it. I just sit here and let him listen to all this bad stuff like it's okay when we both know it isn't. He hears us arguing and saying horrible things to each other and that's not okay for him! He's four years old and he deserves better!"

"Remember the day he was born?" Nathan reminisces, a smile forming on his gorgeous face. A face that's painfully showing all of the problems that have been going on lately. The stress and exhaustion Nathan has been facing is so apparent on his features, and I'm sure it's the same for me. I just don't take the time to look in the mirror and examine it. I'm sure I won't like what I see.

"Graduation day?" I nod, smiling as well. "That was awful," I groan. "It was so embarrassing, but I'll never forget how as soon as you knew it, you stood up, and all of those people faded away and all I could see was you." I turn toward him a little more so I can meet his eyes better. "You…you were amazing that day. You knew how scared I was, and I know you were scared too, but you didn't show it. You just comforted me the entire time and encouraged me and…you just proved how strong and capable you are."

"Thanks, Hales," he whispers. "I was thinking about Jamie though. Not me. I was thinking about how the first time I held him, I made a promise that I would always be there to love and protect him. I was going to teach him right from wrong, but now look…I'm about as wrong as a person can get."

God. This is really hard to hear. I have to take a deep breath and wait a minute before I answer him. What am I supposed to say to this? Yeah, he is incredibly wrong right now. He's always drinking and insulting everyone, but I don't want to make him feel worse than he already does.

It's nice to have him sober right now and admitting that he has messed up. And for once, he isn't blaming it on me. He's taking full blame for his actions and for what has happened to Jamie. He's admitting his failed promise and I'm really proud of him, and so I decide to tell him so. "I'm proud of you for saying it out loud, Nathan," I congratulate him, squeezing his hand. "Yeah, you've messed up. We all do, but you can fix that."

"How?" he asks me, looking more broken than ever. He has an advantage when he's drinking. He can act like nothing phases him and like everything will be okay, but now that he's sober, I can see the façade falling down. I can see the real Nathan Scott coming through.

"First of all, you have to admit you have a problem!" I reiterate to him again. "You can't get help if you don't. And after you do, I think you have a lot of apologizing to do."

His head snaps up, anger blazing in his eyes. "To who?" he wonders fiercely. "Who am I going to apologize to? I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Nathan!" I cry out, trying to get him to understand how ridiculous he is being. "If you seriously believe that, you are worse off than I thought! You owe your son and brother and friends apologies…you were more than rude to your mother when all she wanted to do was help you!"

He scoffs. "Yeah, she wants to help me? She was fifty times worse than I am, Haley! You know that! You saw her! You lived with her!"

I stop his rant by placing my finger on his lips. "Okay, okay, I get it, Nathan. I know that…I remember it all. I remember how devastated you were and how scared I was the day her gun went off. And just because you're not as bad as she was doesn't mean you won't get there someday if you let this go on! Please," I whisper, taking my finger off of his lips, "please consider Jamie in this. Don't put him through what your mom put you through."

He's actually considering this now. I can tell by the intense look that comes across his face. His blue eyes are so blue right now that I can barely look into them. Maybe I've actually said something that he'll listen to. Things were hell for him back then because of Deb, and I know he doesn't want Jamie to go through that.

He closes his eyes for a minute and when he opens them again, I can see that they are filled with tears. "I've messed up, Hales," he says quietly. "A lot. And I…I don't know how to fix it."

At this point, my heart breaks even more than I ever thought it could for him. I gently put my arms around him, and he buries his face in my neck. I can feel his hot tears dripping down my neck and onto my shirt. "We'll do it together, alright?" I question, swaying back and forth, trying my best to comfort him.

"I've been so…so wrong," he chokes out. "I've messed everything up."

"No," I deny immediately. "Things are hard right now, but you'll fix it, and I'll help you."

He looks up at me finally and swipes his tears off of his face. I can tell he's really embarrassed to have broken down in front of me, but whatever. I'm his wife, and it's probably better that I'm the only person to have seen this. It would bother him so much more if Lucas or Lindsey or someone else had seen it.

"Knock knock!"

We both look up and Brooke is standing at the door to the guestroom with a black bag dangling off of her wrist. Probably all her beauty supplies. Oh God, she's going to make my husband a male model or something. I mean, he's already extremely good looking, and he could be a model if he really wanted to, but when she tries to put eyeliner on him or something, we're drawing the line.

She smiles and I look over at Nathan and see his face redden a little in embarrassment. Okay, maybe Brooke saw or heard a little of that, but what can we do? Brooke was never one to make her appearance hidden so at least we know she was there, possibly hearing things.

"I can come back, Haley." She points with her thumb behind her.

"No," Nathan answers before I get the chance. "The sooner we get this over with the sooner I can see my son."

She nods and skips into the room. "Well good!" She throws her bag down on the bed and sits on the other side of Nathan. "I'm glad you called me," she says as she looks at Nathan. "I'm sorry, Nate, but you're looking like shit."

That Brooke. Always the blunt one. I give her a look but to my surprise Nathan just chuckles. "Well, where are you going to want me?" he asks her then turns to me. "I'll have to get back in my chair, Haley."

"Of course." I nod, standing up. I pull it closer to him and watch as he maneuvers himself into it. It's hard to watch and I can tell Brooke is having trouble with it. She always knew Nathan to be a strong person, and he just seems so weak having to do this.

The good thing is, with Nathan being an athlete, it's easier for him than it would be for other people. His arms have always been so muscular, and that's good because he has to put his entire body weight on them when he moves. This will keep strengthening them too, so when he finally decides to do the rehabilitation, it will basically only be for his legs.

Once he's all settled, Brooke gets behind him and pushes him into the bathroom. "You can't come in, Tutor Mama!" she calls to me after she shuts the door. "We're going to make him really good looking and we're going to surprise you, okay?"

I roll my eyes. "Way to ruin the surprise, Brooke!" I yell back, walking down the hall.

I find Deb with a huge trash bag in her hands and she's dragging it out the front door to the trashcan outside. "I looked everywhere," she says to me when she sees me. "I checked every good hiding spot I could think of and cleared them out. I think your house is clean, Haley."

"Thank you, Deb!" I skip over to her and envelope her in a hug. I can tell she's shocked because it takes her a moment to wrap her arms around me but when she does, it's a pretty tight hug. "Nathan seems to be coming around," I tell her when we pull back. "He cried in there and told me he had messed up so bad…I haven't gotten him to admit he has a problem yet, but I think he will soon," I wish out loud. "I think he's realizing that Jamie's going to get hurt even worse if this doesn't stop."

Tears fill her eyes. "Good…I don't want anyone to have to go through what Nathan did with me," she admits. "That was the worse possible thing I could have ever done to my son, and I would do anything to take it back and prevent it from happening to Jamie as well."

"I'm trying to push Jamie on him a lot," I admit to her. "I just think that if Jamie is at the front of his mind, then he will do whatever it takes to beat this thing."

She nods. "I think that's a good idea, Haley. It's probably really hard to use your son as a…a bargaining chip, I suppose you'd call it, but I think you have to do anything to get our Nathan back. And if using Jamie is how you're going to do it, then you should."

"I kind of feel guilty," I say honestly, running my hands through my curly hair. I haven't bothered to straighten it in days now - probably because I just don't really care about how I'm looking. Nathan and Jamie are my main focus - not my hair.

"Don't," she orders me. "Don't feel bad for trying to get your husband back on track. You're trying to save him, Haley."

I nod, knowing she's right. "I know. It's just hard that I have to use Jamie in this. It's like he's a lifeline right now."

"Well, at least he has you two there." She swings the bag up over her shoulder and moves closer to the door. "I'm going to take this out there. You're doing great, Haley," she assures me, patting my arm before walking outside.

If only I agreed with that statement.

In a way, I feel like I'm failing Nathan and Jamie both. I know it's Nathan's fault that he's drinking. In no way do I blame myself for that. But I should have noticed sooner how hard he was hitting the bottle, and how different he was becoming. And I should have thought more about Jamie than I did. I should have realized that what Nathan was doing was affecting Jamie. I wish I did something sooner, and than nothing would be as bad as it is right now.

I walk into the living room where Nathan sleeps, and begin to clean. I spray the couch, trying to alleviate some of the stench. I make a mental note to call some type of cleaning service in a few days. I don't think I can make this smell go away with just a bottle of Febreze.©

I clean a lot, and next thing I know, about an hour has passed. I only stopped cleaning once when Deb asked me if I wanted some coffee. She went downtown to get some. The room looks pretty decent now if I do say so myself. It smells a lot better than it did. It's not great, but at least I can breathe in here now. Pictures that were knocked over and trophies that were lying on the ground are picked up now, and I don't see any leftover bottles anywhere.

Brooke saunters into the room then, a wide smile on her face. "Your husband is well groomed now, Haley," she announces. "I don't know how he could let himself get that scruffy. It was just…not pretty." She shudders at the thought.

"I know," I agree. I give her a hug. "Thank you so much for coming over, Brooke. I owe you big time."

"Well, I owe you for letting me spend so much time with that perfect little boy you two created. I absolutely adore him," she gushes. "He is just so sweet and adorable and he's like a little boy genius."

I can feel myself warming over this. I love getting compliments about Jamie, I really do. I know how great a son I have, but it doesn't hurt to hear it. He really is one of a kind, and we got so lucky with him.

"Thank you." I hug her again. "I'm going to go see Nathan now."

She nods. "He'll be okay, Tutor Mom. He really will. I can see that he's struggling, but he knows you two need him to be okay, and he's going to do whatever he can to beat this. It's just going to take some time."

She lets herself a few minutes later, and I skip off to find my husband. I'm really anxious to see him. I'm sure she did wonders. Actually, he was looking so bad that anything would be a wonder on him…as long as she didn't buzz his hair. He did that once when we were juniors in high school, and I really didn't like it much at first. With time it grew on me, but still. I'm much more a fan of his longer hair, where I can run my fingers through it. I love that.

His back is to me when I walk in the room, and I'm glad because otherwise, he would have seen my mouth drop open and basically hit the floor. Even from behind, he looks like a completely different person. His hair is short, back like it was when we were in high school. It hasn't been like this in years. He just looks so well-groomed from behind that I can't wait much longer to see his face, so I end up clearing my throat so he will wheel around to face me.

He does, and a big smile forms on my face. I just know it. He is looking like my old Nathan, minus the bags under his eyes and the worry lines that still run across his forehead. His face is clean shaven though, and my hands are aching to touch his smooth skin. His hair has some gel in it…just enough to make him look sexy as hell.

"Well?" His eyebrows raise in question at me, but I know he can tell I am pleased by the look on my face. And he looks pleased that I'm pleased. Score for Haley Scott.

"Nathan…you look…amazing," I manage to get out, walking closer to him. I run my hand along his cheek and can't believe that like two hours ago, he basically had a full grown beard thing going on. "Really. Wow. Brooke did a great job."

"She's multitalented, I guess." He shrugs, offering me a smile. "It looks good? Really?"

"You bet." I nod. "You look like you did our junior year of high school."

He chuckles at that. "And we're going through hell. Just like we did back then."

I frown. "Nathan, let's not even talk about it. We beat all that back then, and we're going to beat this now. Right?"

He doesn't answer for a few minutes, and I am starting to worry. He looks pained, and I'm wondering if he's going to tell me to leave again because he can't beat this…we can't beat this. My heart starts beating again when he finally opens his mouth though. "We're going to try." He holds out his hand to me, and I eagerly take it. "We're going to try."

And really, if he is willing to try, I guess we will beat this hell we're in.


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, so this has taken me a while to post...I've had it written for like ever, but I wasn't sure I wanted to post it because I'm not sure how well I like it. I struggled with this chapter, but finally got it done, and now the rest of the story is taking off for me. This was just such a crucial point in this story that I wanted to do it right...I'm not sure I did, but I'm posting it anyway. We'll see how all of you like it. :)**

**I really appreciate all the reviews and the 'story alerts' and 'favorite author alerts.' You have no idea how much I love getting them every day. It really makes me want to keep writing for you, and as long as I get reviews, I will. :) You guys are awesome, and I hope this chapter is okay for you! :)**

**-Lindsay**

* * *

The next morning, I roll over in bed and my first thought is Nathan. We stayed up talking last night and it was great. He wasn't drinking at all, and I could tell it was hard for him. He was shaky and sweaty, but he was sober and that's what I wanted. It's all I've wanted for a while now, and the house is alcohol-free so hopefully this lasts.

I went by Brooke and Peyton's late and picked up Jamie. He was dead tired, and to my surprise, he is still asleep now. Normally he beats me in the waking up department. He is just so eager to be awake and with all these people who love him, I suppose.

I wanted to stay with Nathan last night. I really did. He was just in a good mood, and I wanted to savor that but I needed to get Jamie. He needs one parent in his life. Even if it's while he's asleep, he needs someone there. And I will not let Jamie down while I am trying to pick Nathan up.

I'm debating on taking him there today. It's my last day off before I have to go back to work, and I know they'd both like to get time in with each other. I'm afraid though. I keep changing my mind on this decision. Sometimes I want them with each other, and other times I'm just terrified of what Nathan will do or say.

I hear Lucas in the kitchen and so I get up and join him out there. He's pouring himself some coffee, and he automatically reaches up and gets a cup for me. What a nice friend. "Morning," he says a little groggily. He's not a morning person. Neither is Nathan.

"Hey." I smile at him. "Thanks," I say when he passes me the coffee. "I need this."

"You and me both," he mutters. "You two got in late. I'm kind of surprised you just didn't stay with Nate."

I nod, taking a sip of my coffee. "I thought about it but I don't want Jamie to not have a parent around, you know? Even if he is just sleeping."

He takes a seat beside me at the counter. "He knows you two love him, and he knows things are tough right now. He's a smart kid, Hales. He understands, I think."

He's right. Jamie does understand that things are really hard and that his mommy and daddy can't be around all that much because of this. I just don't want him to think that we love him any less because of this. That's what I'm afraid of. "I just want him to know we love him, Lucas." I shrug.

"He does, and you know we all remind him of it all the time. Brooke says you two love him almost as much as she does."

I laugh. "She came over yesterday and cut Nathan's hair. He's well groomed now. You'd be proud."

His eyes widen. "Is he sober?"

"Yeah. Deb cleaned it all up. He's really shaky, and you can tell it's really hard for him, but he's sober."

He lets out a cheer. "We're getting him back, Hales!" Before I can stop him, he is picking me up and swinging me around in a circle. We both laugh loudly and don't stop until we hear Jamie's little voice.

"You guys are real loud!" Lucas sets me down and we look at him with his little arms crossed over his chest and his mouth turned down in a little pout.

"Jamie!" I yell excitedly. I run over and pick him up just like Lucas did with me and then I swing him around. "I've missed you!"

"Missed you too," he mumbles. I can tell he's a little bit grouchy because we woke him up. "Did you help Daddy?"

"Daddy's better," I admit, setting him at the counter. "Want something to eat?"

"Waffles?"

"Yeah, you and Uncle Luke can eat some waffles this morning if that's what you want. And then..." I take a deep breath. I might hate myself for letting him do this later on, but right now, I'm confident things will be okay. "Then we can go say hi to Daddy."

"For real?" He starts bouncing in his stool. "Are we gonna leave like last time? I didn't get to tell Daddy anything!"

It hurts me that he remembers being ripped out of there like that. We tried to let him stay, but Nathan was being an ass and Jamie didn't need to be around that. I was kind of hoping he would forget that day, but he hasn't. I can only hope that in time, he will.

"You will today," Lucas assures him, and I throw a smile his direction. "He will listen to whatever you have to say today. Mommy and I will make sure of that."

"You're coming too, Uncle Luke?" he questions. He looks excited by this prospect, so I hope Luke does come with us. It would probably be better that way anyway. More support for Nathan. I'd imagine Deb will be over there later as well.

"I'll come if Mommy says it's alright."

"Fine with me," I announce, walking over to the cabinet and getting plates. "Who wants waffles?"

We get to the house about two hours later. Everyone is showered and dressed in clean clothes and we've all eaten, so now we can enjoy Nathan's soberness for a while. I go in first, telling Lucas to wait about ten minutes with Jamie, just so I can make sure everything is okay. He tells me that they're going to drive around for a little bit, and I get out of the car and skip up the steps.

I'm more excited to go in this house then I have been for a while now, and I'm ready for the memories that always hit me when I open the door. Nathan's not perfect, but if he's sober, I want to be here. I want to spend some time with the real Nathan.

"Hello?" I call out when I open the door. "Nathan?"

I cringe when I hear puking. Great. He was going through this and I wasn't here. No one was here to help him. I hope he's alright. I quicken my pace and get to the downstairs bathroom where I know he is. My mouth drops open when I see him. He's lying on his stomach, just letting it all out, and it makes me want to cry. This isn't fair that he has to go through this.

"Oh, Nathan," I whisper, getting on my knees beside him. I rub his back, hoping to soothe him while he lets it out.

"I'm sorry," he manages to choke out before throwing up again. "It started a couple hours ago. I guess I'm cleaning out my system."

I sigh. "You don't have to talk, honey. It's alright. Just let it out and then we'll get you cleaned up." He nods and I stand up, pulling out my phone. After I watch him carefully for a few more minutes, I step into the bedroom, shutting the bathroom door behind me. I call Lucas and he answers after two rings. "Hey, can you guys stall for a while? Take Jamie to the park or something? Nathan's puking pretty bad right now. I think it's his body's way of cleaning itself out, but I don't want Jamie to see this."

"No, yeah, I don't blame you. We'll go to the park, and call you in a little bit. At least all that is getting out of him, Haley."

I sigh. "You're right. I just don't want him to go through this. It sucks."

"He did this," he reminds me. "If this is the worst that it gets for him, then it's not that bad, I guess."

"Yes, Lucas, I know he did this," I snap at him. I can't help it. I know Nathan did this, and Nathan knows he did this. We don't need Lucas reminding us. "You don't need to throw that in my face, Luke."

"Sorry," he surrenders. "We'll call you later."

He hangs up without even waiting for a response from me. I can't really blame him, I suppose. He didn't deserve my snapping at him. I just couldn't help it. I'll apologize to him when he gets here, I tell myself. I need to be with Nathan right now.

I grab a washcloth and put some cold water on it before I go back in there. I set it on the back of his neck. "Thanks," he mumbles.

"You're welcome. How are you doing? Still feeling it?"

"Not really," he replies, his voice scratchy and low. He rolls over and faces me so I grab a towel that's above me and wipe off his face. "Thank you, Haley."

I offer him a smile in return. "Let's get you cleaned up...you can take a shower while I clean up all this. I have a surprise for you in a little bit."

"Another do-gooder?" he bites out.

"Nathan," I scold. "Everyone who comes to see you loves you. Don't even be like this. We'll just get you cleaned up and then talk."

I don't know how we do it, but we manage to maneuver him into the shower. I clean up his mess while he's in there. I feel so bad for him. He obviously drug himself in here and couldn't finish making it to the toilet so he just let it out on the floor. I decide to just throw away the rugs and what not. We can afford to get some new ones.

After he is out and dressed, he wheels himself into the kitchen. He goes to the table and I sit down across from him. "Feel any better?"

"A little, and I don't smell like vomit anymore," he teases. "Look, Haley, thank you for doing all that for me. You didn't have to."

"I'm your wife, Nathan," I remind him, reaching across and patting his hand. "Someone's got to clean up your messes when you're throwing up too hard to do it."

He grins at that. "I'm glad I married you," he says sincerely.

That's one of the first compliments he's paid me in a few days, and I'm not going to lie - I like it. "I'm glad I married you too."

"You should be. Look how hot I am."

I start to open my mouth with a comment about his cockiness but stop when I see him shudder. "Nathan? You okay?"

He closes his eyes and nods slowly. "It's...this has been happening a lot last night and this morning. I'm not used to not being buzzed," he admits.

"But this is a good thing," I say. "It might not feel like it to you right now, but it's right for the rest of us, and in the end, it'll be right for you too. Just be a fighter like you alway have been," I guide. "You'll beat it."

"It sucks, Haley," he mutters, pounding his fist on the table. "It sucks so bad, and I let it get this far that it's literally physically hurting me that I don't have alcohol in my system right now."

"It got out of hand, and I could sit here and tell you that it's not your fault, but I won't lie to you. This is your fault. It's your fault that Jamie and I aren't with you like we used to be, but as long as you're admitting that you let it get this bad, then you're on the right track."

He takes a deep breath. "I have a problem with alcohol."

And there it is.

Nathan just admitted what I've been trying to impress upon him for weeks now. He's an alcoholic. Now that he's sober and unable to get more alcohol, he's realizing it, and I couldn't have asked for more.

"Thank you," I whisper, walking over to him. I can't help but throw my arms around him, loving that he puts his arms around me in return. "Thank you so much for admitting that."

He shrugs. "It's time, Haley. I miss my son and I miss you...if this is what it takes to be normal with you two again, then yeah, I have a problem."

"Oh, Nathan, we miss you too. So much."

"How...how's Lucas doing with all of this? I know he's gotta be pissed at me, Hales. He's been pissed every time I've spoken with him."

"He should be," I point out, stroking my hand across his cheek. "I think we've all got the right."

"Yeah, you do, but you're not as pissed as you were...and Lucas is just...he is still incredibly pissed. Am I right?"

"Yeah," I confirm. "In fact, I snapped at him earlier on the phone because he was going on about how this was your fault and your doing and that you deserve it all." In my heart, I know it's hurting Nathan to hear this. But I know that he needs to be told these things. I need him to know how all of this is affecting the people around him.

"I see." He nods.

"I told him that you and I both knew and that we didn't need him reminding us of it. He hung up on me."

"Is he coming by?"

"That was your surprise. He has Jamie with him and I was going to have them come over," I answer. "Actually, Nathan, when I told him you were sober, you should have seen him. He was so excited and he started yelling that we were getting you back and he picked me up and spun me around. We had fun until Jamie got mad that we woke him up." We both laugh at that. "He just wants his little brother back."

I see the hurt flash in his blue eyes. I can tell he feels guilty about all this, and he should. He really, truly should. He knows he messed up big time and that it's going to take a lot to fix that. It's going to take a lot of patience and a lot of time, and Nathan's never been a patient one. I hope he can do this.

We chat about small things for a little bit longer until we hear the door open, Jamie yell, and Lucas mutter something about using an inside voice. I laugh at that and keep the smile on my face when I see my little boy run into the room. "Mommy! Daddy!" he cheers when he sees us sitting by each other.

"Hi sweetie." I open my arms for him to come hug me. "Having fun with Uncle Luke?" I ask when he is in my arms and scooped up on my lap.

"You bet he is," Lucas answers for him.

I look up and his hands are shoved in his pockets and he looks a bit nervous to be there. I can't really blame him. He probably thinks I'm going to snap at him again. Either that, or Nathan will throw a punch or something. Everyone has some high-running emotions these days.

"We played ball at the park," Jamie reports, his eyes wide with excitement. "I beat Uncle Lucas by twelve points!" He tugs at Nathan's hand and their identical eyes meet. "Did you hear that, Daddy? Twelve!"

Nathan laughs. "Yeah. Congratulations, buddy."

I study Nathan a little bit and I can see he is nervous too. He probably doesn't know how to act around Jamie now. Jamie's seen him at his worst and he knows it. He probably thinks that Jamie like hates him and loves Luke more. That's sad to think about.

"Go give Daddy a hug," I whisper in his ear, and not two seconds later, Jamie has flung himself onto Nathan's lap.

"Are you okay, Daddy?"

"Sure," he replies easily, not wanting to ruin the reunion between them. "I'm okay now that my buddy came to see me."

"I would have come sooner, but Mommy and Uncle Lucas said no."

"Mommy and Uncle Lucas were right," Nathan informs him, looking over at me. "I wasn't feeling very good at all, but I'm better now that I get to see you."

Our little boy nods. "Are you going to stay better?"

That question throws me out of whack for a minute. Our son basically just asked if Nathan was going to stay sober. I want Nathan to promise him that he will stay better, as Jamie put it, but I don't think Nathan can do that right now. He's sober at the moment, but people slip all the time, and as much as I don't want to think about that, it could happen to Nathan.

He looks at me and takes a deep breath. "I'm going to try for you and Mommy."

I reach over and put my hand on Jamie's arm. I need him to listen to me. I need him to understand that Nathan staying "better" is going to be really hard. "Jamie, this is going to be hard on Daddy and hard on all of us too. We're really going to have to help each other out. Things aren't going to be as fun for you as they normally are."

"If Daddy stays better, I don't care, Mama!" he exclaims. He turns to Nathan then so I remove my hand from his arm. "Can you walk soon too, Daddy? I want you to play ball with me and Uncle Luke!"

"We're taking it one day at a time, pal," Lucas interjects. "He'll play with us again one day, but for now, we just have to be patient. Can you do that?"

He nods. "If Daddy plays again sometime!"

"Sometime," Nathan assures him. "In the mean time, I'm pretty sure your Uncle Luke will play with you whenever you want him to."

"Sure I will," Lucas says, coming to sit down beside me. "Whenever you feel like it, you just tell Mommy and she can call me to come get you...or maybe you'll still be at my house and we can just go from there."

I'm glad Lucas has come to sit down. He's being a part of the family again. It's so much better than him standing there with his hands in his pockets, waiting to see if Nathan and I will bite his head off. He must understand that we're not going to. This isn't the time to take shots at Lucas for meddling. It's time for banding together and being there for Nathan.

"I've been thinking," Nathan starts, breaking through my thoughts. "Rehab might be a good idea for me...that way basketball with Jamie can happen pretty soon."

"Are you serious?" I ask him, feeling my eyes grow wide. It's not that I'm not happy about this. It's just a shock that he's finally going to do this. I guess he's finally seen that things aren't just going to come easily for him again. He has to work for them, and he seems like he's ready.

"Yeah. I miss playing ball, and I miss going for walks on the beach with you when we take Jamie there. I just miss doing the things I used to be able to do, and I'm finally sober enough to realize it." He smiles at me, and then looks over at his brother. "Luke, I miss going for those six AM runs with you, and I think it's about time we get those started again. You're looking a little chunky, big brother," he teases, and we can all see the old Nathan coming through, and you know what? We all like it.

"Oh you're one to talk," Lucas teases back. "Actually, I'll take you to some of those physical therapy appointments if you want me to. I don't have a full time job like Hales over here." He points to me and smiles cheekily when I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, it's time you get a real job besides basketball coach," I mutter. "Or maybe you should write another book," I suggest.

He rolls his eyes. "Don't even start. You sound just like Lindsey. I'm trying."

"Hey! I have an idea!" Jamie pipes up from his place on Nathan's lap. "How about if Daddy works on walking and Uncle Luke works on writing a book? You can do it together!"

"Sounds like a good idea," Lucas tells him.

"Hey, I'm going to borrow Lucas for a few minutes," I inform my boys, pulling Lucas up gently. "I need to talk to him real quick."

They nod at me and start what looks like to me, a pretty serious conversation, so I leave the room with Lucas. He smiles at me a little bit, letting me know that I can say anything to him. I love that about Lucas. I can tell him anything.

"I just wanted to apologize for this morning, Luke," I say softly. "I was out of line when I snapped at you. I know you're just trying to help us all out, and I honestly don't know what I would have done without you the past few weeks. You've been great with me and with Jamie and I appreciate it."

"I know that you are going through a lot, Hales," he tells me, wrapping an arm around me. "But you have to remember that I'm on your side...even if it seems like I'm not, I am."

"I know," I reply, leaning into him. "It's just difficult. I don't really know what any of us are supposed to do in this situation. We've never experienced anything like this. I mean, I know that Deb had this problem, so Nathan was at higher risk for it, but I never thought it would happen to him."

"I didn't either," he agrees. "But it happened and now we all have to deal with it. I'm not going to let you down in this, Hales. I'll do whatever you need me to do...so will Lindsey and Brooke and Deb and whoever else you need. We're all here for you. You just need to remember that."

I lean up and kiss his cheek. I don't deserve him as a friend sometimes. He is really just so great to me, and so understanding. I feel like my life has just stampeded over his, and that his doesn't matter right now. I just feel selfish, and I hate that. I don't want my problems to interfere with things for him. I know he doesn't mind, but I do. I really do.

"You're the best," I whisper. "Thank you."

"I'd do anything for you. You know that," he tells me. "I'll let you hang out with your family for a little bit...see you later?"

"Definitely." I smile and hug him before he leaves. I immediately go back to Nathan and Jamie. Nathan's in a good mood, and I really, really want to be around that. I love when he's in a good mood. These days, it's just so rare that I have to take what I can get.

I walk in on what looks like a pretty good conversation. Jamie's just chattering away, and Nathan's got the biggest grin on his face. I love it. I love when the two of them are like this.

"What are you going on about, Jimmy Jam?" I interrupt, scooping him up and setting him in my lap as I sit in a chair beside Nathan.

"I was telling Daddy about that day I woke up before you and put Chester in your bed!" he exclaims, erupting in giggles.

"Haha," I deadpan, a smirk playing across my lips. "That was so not funny, Jamie! You know how Mommy feels about four legged creatures in her bed!"

"Sounds pretty funny to me," Nathan breaks in, laughing. That earns a little glare from me.

"If you were there, he would have been in your bed too, Daddy!" Jamie says, laughing even harder.

"I wish I was there," Nathan admits, looking at me and then back at Jamie. "If it meant I would have been with you two."

I sigh, holding Jamie closer. I know he's regretting his drinking, and I'm glad about that. He needs to understand that he's really messed up, which he obviously does. But right now, I don't want to focus on that. We're actually having a real family conversation, and everyone is semi happy right now, and for the moment, I don't want to spoil that with Nathan's regrets. I just want to live in this moment and worry about the hard stuff later.

"Eventually you can put Chester in with Daddy," I whisper in his ear, watching his face light up. "You know he sleeps later than I do!"

"Yeah." Jamie nods. "Daddy is a real late sleeper! He doesn't even like to wake up early for his birthday like I do!"

"Probably because birthdays last all day long and not just in the mornings," he says, reaching out and ruffling Jamie's blonde hair.

I smile at Nathan's affections towards our son. It's so nice to see this again. It's so nice to be near it. I can only hope it lasts. I just want to bask in this forever. Nathan's sober and clean and his hair looks super sexy again. Jamie's happy and laughing and glad to be with his daddy and I'm happy to be with the two of them. In this moment, things are really good, and I don't want it to ever stop.

I'm watching my son smile when all of the sudden, he hops off my lap. "I want to draw a picture for Brooke!" he says suddenly. "I forgot that I promised I would make her one of me and her for her new fridge! She said she wants it it to be beautiful and that I should make her something for it!"

I smile at that. Brooke really does love that little boy to pieces. I think it's great that Jamie has bonded with all of our friends and family the way he has. He's got a great group of people behind him. Hell, we all do.

"Okay...make it really pretty for her," I suggest, giving him a little push. "Oh, and make one for Peyton too! You know her office looks a little bare without something by the great Jamie Scott!"

"Okay!" He smiles at Nathan and then back at me before hurrying out of the room.

"He's always a little ball of energy," Nathan says to me, shaking his head.

I look at him and smile a little. "Too bad I don't have all that in me. He's hard to keep up with sometimes after being at the school all day."

"I'll bet...is work going okay for you, Hales?"

"Sure," I reply easily. "I mean, I've been taking a day off here and there to be with Jamie, but other than that, it's not bad. We're starting a new book, and - "

"Wait." He holds up a hand. "Why are you taking days off to be with him? Luke and Brooke and everyone are around to watch him."

"I know," I say. "It's just that some days...I don't know, Nathan. I don't want him to feel like both of us are letting him down, you know? It's hard for him to never see you...but for him to never see me either? I couldn't bear it. I want him to know how much he's loved by his parents, and if I have to take time off from work to prove that point, then I will."

He looks away from me, and I can see the hurt flash in his blue eyes. See, this is why I didn't want to start these serious conversations. Someone always gets hurt. I just wanted to pretend that things were okay for a little while longer. Damn it. "Does he think that I don't love him?"

The emotion in his voice is so evident, and it's hard for me to handle. "I don't think that's the case at all, Nathan," I tell him honestly. "Jamie doesn't fully understand the situation, and because of that, I'm trying to make it up to him. I don't want him to feel abandoned."

"So that's how he feels," he states. It's definitely not a question. "He feels abandoned by me and you're going to make it up to him? Haley, no." He shakes his head. "I don't want you making up for my mistakes. This is on me, and I'll fix it, okay? I'm his father and you're his mother. You shouldn't have to play both roles."

"That's not what I'm trying to do!" I argue, standing up. "I just don't want him to suffer through this. I want him to always have someone there!"

"It's my fault he's suffering or whatever the hell you think is happening to him! It's my fault, and I want to fix that! I don't need you making up for everything I do, Haley! You've been picking up the pieces of every bad thing in my life for six years now, and it's enough! Let me do this, alright?" he says, a little calmer by the time his speech is over.

I nod, unsure how to respond. I have never minded helping Nathan pick up the pieces. I definitely don't pick them all up, like he seems to think either. I'm just there along the way. I give him a little push or shove in the right direction, and I do whatever I can to help him. I know he feels horrible about all of this, and that's understandable, but I still want to help him. I don't want to do it all for him, but I want to help. I want to be there for him along the way.

"Listen to me," I say softly, not wanting to make him angry with my anger. "I am your wife, and I'm always going to be there to pick up the pieces. I definitely don't think I pick them all up. I think I just help you along the way...and if you feel like I'm doing too much, then I won't. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong though by trying to make up some absences to our son."

"Absences that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't taken him and yourself out of this house!" he repeats for what seems like the hundredth time. Seriously, this is where our arguments always end up. Nathan blaming me for taking Jamie away.

I sigh. "I did that for good reason and you know it. You also know that you pushed me to it, and am I glad you did? Yeah, I am. It needed to be done, and you gave me that final shove. Just like I'm trying to give you the final shove to beat this thing that's taken you so far down."

He lets out a frustrated breath, and I can't blame him. I just feel like punching a wall or something, which is very surprising to me. That's such a Nathan move. It's weird that I would think of it. But whatever. Things never go the way I think they will.

Our fights always go back to the same things, and it's really tiring me out. It's always Nathan blaming others and me trying to push him to rehab. Of course, he's already said he's going to rehab, so why we'll fight about that, I don't know...but this is Nathan. He's stubborn, and we'll probably butt heads over it a few more times.

"I don't want to do this anymore," he says quietly and I look over at him questioningly. "I don't want to fight anymore about this shit."

"I don't either!" I exclaim, unable to stop the higher pitch of my voice. "I don't know why we're doing it again! You know what happened, you know why I did what I did, you know you have to go to rehab, and you know that I feel guilty and want to make this all up to our son! I don't know why we have to keep having the same discussion over and over and over!" I rub my face tiredly, waiting for him to say something...anything.

"It's not even a discussion, Haley! It's an argument. Every day. It's always the same."

"The let's stop it!"

"Fine."

"Let's just concentrate on getting you sober in a more permanent state," I tell him, "and then we can figure everything else out later. We'll figure out how to make this up to Jamie and everyone else this has affected."

"Okay," he agrees, reaching over and linking his fingers through mine. I smile at his gesture.

Hey, as long as he's sober and we're not arguing, everything will be okay. I hope.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you all for the replies! I got some really good ones for this past chapter, and they are what keep me going. Seriously, if I didn't have them, I probably wouldn't enjoy writing this as much as I do. I'm actually posting this over at the RiverCourt too...it's further behind, but I'm going to try to catch it up over there, so if it's easier to reply over there, then by all means, go for it! :) Or if you prefer, you can reply here...as long as you do! :) **

**I had fun writing this chapter. Nathan and Haley are getting started on fixing the problems in their lives, and the support of Brooke is very evident in this chapter. I just find her so fun to write. She's so opinionated and full of spunk, and I love incorporating her into this story...so I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!**

**-Lindsay**

* * *

Skills swung by last night and picked Jamie up. Jamie hasn't spent the night there in quite a while, and I know the whole gang was missing him, so when he called and offered to take Jamie, I jumped on it. Jamie misses them, and he loves going over there. Plus, only one out of the four men who lives there has a real job so they're all about having fun all the time. That's the way Jamie is at his young age so they all get along great. And I love it. I love that he has all of those guys to guide him as he grows up. He's close to all of them.

So while Jamie was off with Skills, I decided to stay the night here. I know it made Nathan really happy, and I'm not going to lie - it made me happy too. It was nice to be here with my sober husband. Plus, I still have half of my work clothes here, so it's not like I'm staying somewhere where none of my things are. I could get ready here just as easily as I do at Luke's. The only thing missing is Jamie, and I'm going to pick him up after school lets out.

I walk into the kitchen, and find Nathan at the table. "Good morning," I say to him. He slept in the guest bedroom last night. He couldn't make it upstairs. Well, he could if he wanted, but it's just so hard that he doesn't like to, and I don't like him to. I'd rather him just be safe downstairs. I don't want him falling down the stairs or something. "Sleep well?"

He smiles at me while I put in a pair of earrings. I have to look presentable for the day, you know. "I, um, I had a little bit of trouble," he admits, "I just really wanted a drink last night, Hales. And that's really embarrassing to say to you, but it's the truth. I just really wanted a quick fix, you know? I figured one drink would be just fine, but I know it's all gone, so eventually I just fell asleep, and that's a good thing, right? I mean, I didn't have anything to drink so I'm good. It was just hard falling asleep without something I've been so dependent on."

I nod, understanding what he's saying. It's hard to hear, but at least he's trusting me enough to tell me. I appreciate that. After everything, he's still going to open up to me, and I'm so glad. I lean down and kiss his cheek, a move that shocks us both. "Thanks for telling me. You're okay, right?"

"Yeah," he assures me, running his hand through my hair after I crouch down beside him. "Just a little shaky, but I'm okay."

"I'm glad," I whisper. "I don't know what I'd do if you weren't okay."

He nods. "Things have been really rocky, but I promise you that I'll do what I have to do for us to get everything back. I want you and Jamie here with me again, and you know that."

"You'll go to rehab for sure?" I ask, looking straight in his blue eyes. I know he said someting about it yesterday, but I want to make sure. I think it's the best thing for him, I really do. It helps that he's in this wheelchair and can't get to the liquor store, but what worries me is when he's out of the wheelchair and walking again. I have every confidence that he will walk, but without going to a treatment center for the alcoholism, the addiction will start back up as soon as he's walking. Neither of us need that, and so I think it's necessary that he checks into rehab.

He sighs, and I can tell how hard it is for him to agree to this, but it's the only way he'll get me and Jamie back...all the way. "Is that what it's gonna take?"

"That's what it's gonna take," I confirm, standing up.

"Fine," he says in his stubborn 'I'm Nathan Scott' way. "I'll go if that's what i have to do."

I smile widely, I know I do. This is what we've all been waiting for. He said he'll go, so I'm going to find one that's close to us as soon as I get a break at work. I can't take more time off for this, so I'll just have to do it when I get free time. I'll look on the computer during a pop quiz or something. Yeah, a pop quiz. I haven't given one of those in a while. Plus it's important to keep my students on their toes.

"Good!" I clap my hands together excitedly. "Well, as much as I'd like to stay here and be with you, I have to go to work."

"Okay. Don't worry about anything today, alright? Mom called while you were in the shower...said she's going to stop by later on."

"Oh, okay. Good." I pick up my purse that's lying on the counter and give him one last smile before I walk out the door.

Stepping into the school, I feel a little excited. I haven't been here in what seems like forever. I keep taking time off for Jamie and Nathan, and I know it needs to stop. This is my first big job, and I can't blow this. I need to learn how to keep my personal life and my professional life separate.

As I'm unlocking the door to my classroom, someone lays a hand on my shoulder. Turning around, I smile when I see it is Principal Turner. He was my principal when I was in high school, so it's a little weird to be working under him now, but hey, it works. "Good morning, Haley," he greets me.

"Principal Turner, hi," I respond, pushing open the door and walking in. "What can I do for you this morning?"

When he shuts the door behind him, I know this can't be good. "Listen, Haley, you know I think you're a great teacher. You were great back in high school, and you're great now."

"But?" I ask because obviously there is a but in there somewhere. There has to be.

"But all of this time off? It has to stop," he informs me, taking a seat at one of the desks towards the front of the room. I follow his lead and go sit in one next to him. "I know that things have been really hard for you lately, but you're not even six months into this job and you've taken more personal days than any other teacher I've known. And honestly, Haley, you don't have them. You haven't worked here long, and you haven't built up those days...so whatever work you're doing now is going towards the days you took and didn't really have. We're kind of giving you a get out of jail free card, and it has to stop.

"The school board discussed this in the last meeting, and we're all concerned. We know you have a lot of family matters going on, and we understand, but unfortunately, you don't get very many chances. We took a chance when we hired you because you are so young, but I stood up for you and reminded people how great and responsible you were in high school. We gave you a chance, and you have to realize that. We can't keep covering for you."

I nod, trying to keep my tears in check. I hate this. I hate that everything has gotten this bad that now my job is in jeopardy. "Things are getting better, I promise," I tell him, willing him to believe me. "I'm not going to be taking more days off. We're getting things in line at my house."

"That's what I need to hear," he says, standing up. "We think you're a great teacher...when you're here, but when you're not...it worries us. You have to do better."

"I will," I assure him, my voice shaky. I will do better. I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm just going to have to learn to balance things.

I calm down a few minutes after he leaves and manage to get through my morning classes with no problem. I think people must have heard what's going on, so whatever problem students I usually have gave me no trouble today. On my lunch break, I decide to look up a place for Nathan to go. I want something that's fairly close to us, because it would be great if we could go and see him occasionally. I know they'll keep him there at least a month. I think that's how long it was when Deb went years ago.

I stumble upon a place that's about forty-five minutes from us, and it doesn't seem too bad. It's called Rocky Creek, and from the pictures that they've posted, it looks clean. And I don't want Nathan going anywhere but a clean facility. It will just add to the hell that his life has been lately.

I call to make an appointment so I can go see it. I figure Lucas or Brooke or Peyton can go with me. I really don't want to go alone. Surprisingly, they are willing to see me later on in the evening so I decide to go ahead and do it. I call Brooke after I get off the phone with them, and she agrees to go with me. She ends our conversation by saying, "You never know what kind of sexy doctors that have running those places, Hales!" Of course she would say that. It's just so Brooke.

I clear it with Deb to pick Jamie up for me, and she's going to take him to see Nathan again later. She said she'll take him overnight too, but I'm not sure what time we'll be back so I tell her I'll let her know later on. I also ask her not to tell Nathan what we're doing. That we're just going for a little girl time, which technically we are. Brooke is a girl, and I'm a girl, and we're going to spend some time together...on the way to check out a place for Nathan.

I pick Brooke up right after work, and we get on the road. "So, Teacher Mommy!" she squeals as soon as she gets in my SUV, "I'm so excited about this! I mean, this is what you've been wanting and waiting on for four months!"

"I'm excited too," I agree, pulling out of the driveway. "I can't help but be a little nervous though...I mean, this is going to have to be a great place if I'm going to leave Nathan there for a month or more. I won't have anything less than the best for him, Brooke, I won't."

"Of course not," she agrees, patting my shoulder. "We're going to make sure this is the best. I'm glad that I'm going with you. You know that I know what the best is."

I raise an eyebrow. "The best rehab facility?"

"Well, I...okay, no," she admits, looking away from me and shaking her head in a way that only Brooke can do. "But I can probably help you pick out a good place and you know it. I know a clean place when I see it!"

"I know, Brooke." I smile at her, just so thankful that I have such a good friend. Seriously, sometimes I don't know what I would do without Brooke. I wouldn't have made it through high school without her, and I have no idea how I made it through college and moving back to Tree Hill without her there. It was like a miracle.

"I'm glad Nathan's doing better," she comments, looking out the window as we roll through her neighborhood. "I was worried I was going to have to whip his ass into shape, and I know he would not appreciate that," she teases me.

"I was about that desperate!" I admit, chuckling. "So Principal Turner talked to me today. He said that all the personal days I've been taking have to stop. Otherwise, I'm in jeopardy of losing my job."

"What?!" She looks over at me, her hazel eyes growing wider by the second. I just know they are. "Haley, you're the best teacher they've got in that school. They can't fire you!"

"They didn't say they would...yet," I mutter, a frown forming on my face. "He told me that he basically went out on a limb for me because no one else wanted to hire me because I was so young, and I'm pretty much proving the other school board members right."

Her jaw drops. "He did not say that!"

"Well, not in those exact words...but that's what he meant. My butt's on the line here, so Nathan needs to shape up because I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to lose my first big job!"

"No, of course not! It's a good thing Nathan's starting to get there!"

"Tell me about it!" I blow out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. I think that's kind of how my life has been lately. I keep holding my breath, waiting for something else to go wrong. And of course, it always does. I mean, hello! I live in freaking Tree Hill, North Carolina. It's like the drama capital of the world or something. Seriously, what hasn't happened in this town? Murders, divorces, births, loan sharks, basketball championships, affairs with friends' boyfriends, leaving at the age of sixteen for a musical tour...you name it, it's happened.

"You know, if you need me for anything, all you have to do is call. I know you've been taking a lot of time for Jamie to make sure he's okay and that he's feeling loved and all that, but you know I'll be there for him in a second if you ask. You have me, and you have a great support system with everyone else...you don't have to just rely on yourself."

"I know," I agree. "It's just that...oh, I don't know. I feel like Jamie needs either me or Nathan there at all times...but I think I'm getting better. He goes off with Luke and Linds a lot, and he stayed the night with Skills last night. He's been with you and Peyton a few times."

"And we were glad to have him," she assures me. "If you would let me, I'd keep that boy all the time."

I laugh out loud. "Not a chance, Brookie!" There is no way I could give Jamie up more than I already do. I feel like it's more than enough - the time he gets to spend away from his father and I. It's necessary because of the situation, but I hate it.

"I figured you would say that." She shrugs it off. "So guess who called me last night?"

I turn to her, completely clueless. Brooke gets a lot of calls. She's a celebrity for that fashion line of hers. "Who?"

"Chase Adams!"

"Chase Adams?" I blink a few times. "Like high school ditched you at prom? That Chase?"

Her smile fades and she rolls her eyes. "Yes, that Chase! Thanks for reminding me of the worst prom ever!"

"Sorry! Anyway, what did he want? How did he even get your number?"

"I don't know!" she exclaims, flipping down the mirror and fixing her lipstick. "I never asked him. I was just so surprised that he had called me!"

"Well what did he want?" I repeat my question. She must be pretty happy about this. She had such a thing for Chase. In fact, next to Lucas, Chase was probably the only boy Brooke ever really, truly loved.

"He's coming back to town in a few weeks, and he heard I was back. He asked if we could get together and catch up on the past four years!"

I'm excited for her; I really am. It's obvious to me now, althought it wasn't so much before, that she has missed Chase. And I'm so glad she's telling me about this stuff. It's such a welcome distraction from talking about Nathan's alcoholism. Brooke's been great through the whole thing, letting me talk when I need to and letting me cry if I need to cry...but sometimes, the topic just gets old, and I need to hear her stories. I need these girl chats. Without them, I'll probably go crazy.

"You gonna do it?" I don't know why I asked. I'm ninety-eight percent positive I already know the answer to that question.

"I think it's a really good idea," she admits, nodding. "I haven't seen him since I left the summer after we graduated. I mean, we talked and stuff back then, but the phone calls were just fewer and farther between, and eventually, contact just stopped."

"You regret it?"

"A little," she says. "Not all of us can find the boy we want to marry in high school and stay with him forever!" She nudges me, a smile on her face. "And even though I don't know if that was what was supposed to happen for me and Chase, I regret it. I regret not knowing because to be honest, Teacher Mom, I loved Chase. I loved him a lot."

"Maybe this is your second chance?" I suggest, winking at her.

"I don't know." She sighs. "It would be like our fourth or fifth, probably. I messed up a lot in high school."

"Brooke, listen. You are not that girl anymore. You've matured so much since high school. And maybe the fact that you've had so many chances proves that there is something there."

"But - "

"No." I hold up a hand. "No buts. Take a look at me and Nathan. We have had chance after chance after chance. We're getting another one right now, Brooke, with him working on getting his life back together and going to rehab. Life isn't always smooth sailing, and I can honestly tell you that all these chances Nathan and I keep getting? They just make me sure that Nathan is the one for me...that I'm supposed to be spending my life with him." I look over at her. "You might want to think about that."

She nods again. "Thanks, Haley. You really know how to help a girl out."

"I do what I can."

After some more time chatting about high school memories and laughing about how I used to catch her and Lucas making out on our couch when Brooke and I were roommates, we sing along to the radio until we arrive at Rocky Creek. I'm starting to get nervous now that we're here. I want this to be the place Nathan goes. I really do. It's close to home, and the closer he is, the sooner he can come back to us when he is healthy again.

"It's gonna be okay," she promises me, reaching out and squeezing my hand as we walk up the steps of the building. "Everything will be fine."

"I hope so. This has to be the place, Brooke...all the others I checked out on the internet were just so far away. I couldn't stand that."

"Just relax," she advises me. "You haven't seen the inside yet...but I'll be honest, the outside looks really nice."

"You're right."

I push open the door and look around this facility. There's a big desk right in the middle of this huge room, and there's a staircase to the right and an elevator to the left. The internet said there were four floors. The main one was for check ins and outs plus the cafeteria is down here, the second one was for drug addicts, third was for alcoholics, and fourth was for suicide cases. That freaks me out a little bit, but what can I do? It would probably be the same anywhere else we go to look.

A man with a clipboard in his hand immediately walks up and greets me before I can look around more. "You must be Haley Scott?" he addresses me. Surprised that he knows who I am, I nod at him. "Oh, you were the only person we were expecting this evening, and since you don't have bags or anything, I figured you were here to check the place out."

"Oh, of course," I reply, shaking his hand when he offers it to me. "This is my friend, Brooke Davis. She's here for moral support."

"I'm Greg Bell," he informs us, shaking Brooke's hand next. "It's nice to meet the two of you. Now this is about your husband, correct?"

"Yes," I answer, following him as he leads us to an office. His name's on the door, so he must be the big head honcho around here. "He's been drinking for about four months now, and I think he's totally hit rock bottom. I took our son and moved out of the house, and he knows the only way to get us back is to go through rehab, so here I am. I just wanted to make sure this was a good place before I sent him here."

"Right." He nods, pointing at chairs for us to sit in. He goes to his desk and sits at his own chair, putting down his clipboard. "Mrs. Scott, I am going to be frank with you...if the only reason your husband is considering this is because of you and your son, then he very likely may fail. Once you and your son come home if his rehab is completed, he may take that as an opportunity to start drinking again. Rehab doesn't always work after the first time. People have returned here three, maybe four times after they get out the first time. It's not as easy as everyone thinks it might be."

This scares me, but I don't think Nathan is like everyone else. Nathan is so strong, and he has proved time and time again that he can beat the odds. He gets past everything, and in my heart, I know he can get past this too. It will be long and hard but he can do it. Nathan's not like everyone else, and he's not going to be another statistic in this man's file cabinet.

"Mr. Bell," Brooke says before I can even open my mouth. "We understand all of this, and I'm sure that Nathan does too," Brooke informs him while looking at me. "The thing is, Nathan isn't like all your other patients if for some reason he does come here. He beats everything that knocks him down. He'll beat this. All of his friends and family know it. He will be the exception to your expectations of everyone. I can guarantee it."

"Miss Davis, you don't know about these cases like I do. You haven't watched patient after patient leave and come back."

"No, I haven't," she says tersely. "But I've watched Nathan, and he isn't like all your other patients."

I'm so thrilled that Brooke is defending Nathan like this. For a while there, she was totally down on Nathan...saying that Jamie needs to stay away from him and that I do too. I'm glad she's putting her feelings on what he's done aside for the time being and telling this man that Nathan can do this. Because he can. I know he can. And so does Brooke.

"Do you treat all your incoming patients' families this way?" I jump in. "Because if you do, then I don't think we have anything else to discuss. I think you have a nice place here from the looks of it, but I don't want my husband coming in here with you and your staff expecting him to fail. He doesn't need that. He needs support, and I don't think he's going to find it here."

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he says to us, marking something down on that clipboard he was carrying around.

"Maybe that's why your patients fail," Brooke throws out, grabbing her purse and standing up. I follow her lead. "Because you expect them to."

He opens his mouth but before he can say another word, Brooke and I are out the door. I don't want to be here, and I don't want Nathan here. I don't want him in a place where he won't get support. At this rate, we can have his rehab back in Tree Hill. That's where he's going to get the most support, I'm sure of that. I need to find a place where he's going to get a little bit of support because that man back there gave nothing.

"What a dick!" Brooke nearly shouts when we get to the car. "I can't believe he had the nerve to tell you that Nathan was going to fail!"

"I know," I agree, climbing in behind the wheel. "I understand that it's not easy...but if he seriously thinks that I'm going to send Nathan here when he's sure he'll be back, he's got another thing coming."

"The only reason they opened this place was to make money, Haley," she fumes, slamming her car door. She's about as pissed as I am. Maybe more. "They don't give a shit about their patients or their families. You're going to have to find Nathan somewhere better...it won't be close like you want, but at least he'll get support."

I nod, starting the car. This day has really sucked. First, I wake up to no Jamie, which is something I hate even though I know he is in a good, safe place. Second, I get lectured by Principal Turner about how I'm super close to losing my job, and then we come here to be lectured again about how Nathan is going to fail. I can't help but wonder if things are ever going to start going my way.


	9. Chapter 9

"I need to talk to you."

I'm surprised that these are the first words Nathan says to me when I walk in the door with Jamie. Usually it's me needing to talk to him. He's pretty much a clam these days. I have to pry words out of him most of the time. Weird.

"Sure." I nod, sitting down across from him. "What's up?"

He looks at Jamie, who is still standing in the doorway. "Buddy, I need to talk to Mommy for just a second. How about you go find your ball and I'll take you outside in a little bit and you can show me what moves you've been working on?"

"Yeah!" he cheers, immediately running out of the room and up the stairs. That boy. He can never get enough of basketball with his daddy. And this is one of the first times in four months that Nathan has been willing to do something with him, so I'm sure he's thrilled to death.

"You made one happy little boy," I acknowledge, looking back at him. He smiles a little and sighs. "What's going on, Nathan?"

"Lucas was here earlier."

"Yeah, he said he was going to stop by…but what does what we need to talk about have to do with Lucas? He didn't say something rude again, did he?" I ask, immediately jumping to conclusions. I'm about to walk over and grab the phone just to have a few choice words with him but Nathan stops me.

"He didn't do anything, Haley. Actually, he helped me out today.."

"With what?" I lean back, pulling one of my knees up to my chest. Hey, it's comfortable.

"I, um, I'm checking into rehab in two days."

"Nathan." I stand up, completely shocked at this announcement. I had no idea he was looking into this by himself. I was trying to handle everything for him so he didn't have to do anything and stress himself out to the point where he wanted to drink again. "Why did you do that? I was handling it - "

"I know," he agrees, and he smiles at me. God, if that smile doesn't make me smile. It always has, and it probably always will. "C'mere." He holds his hand out to me so I can get closer, and I do. "You've been doing great, Hales," he says, pulling me down on his lap. Okay, this is really weird. I haven't been on his lap in forever, but I'm not complaining. I like it.

"Thanks," I reply, unsure of what else to say. I'm going to let him lead this conversation. He was the one that wanted to have it, and he does have some explaining to do.

"You are so strong, baby…so strong. But I feel like all you're doing now is living your life for me and Jamie, and I don't want that for you anymore. You need to concentrate on yourself and your work more, and not getting me to rehab. This is all on me, and I'm going to get myself there."

"I wanted to help you." It comes out in a whiny voice, and we both wince a little at it. I can't help it though. He's my husband; of course I wanted to help him.

"You have, Haley. So much. I'm sober right now, and that's all because of you. But I know things are tough at work."

"How do you know that?"

"Lucas heard a few things at the school and let me know," he admits, looking a little embarrassed that he knows all of this. I mean, of course he should know. He's my husband. But it's strange that he's kind of taking an interest again.

"I see." I nod, straightening up on his lap a little.

"Luke said that he heard Principal Turner told you that because of all these absences, you're kind of close to getting fired."

"He's right." I sigh and look away from him. "I'm so embarrassed, Nathan. It's my first year teaching and I've already taken more days off than any teacher in that school."

"You've had some issues," he points out to me. "But now I'm going to go away for a little while, and you won't have to worry about taking all that time off. You can concentrate on work and not have to worry about me."

"I'll always worry, Nathan," I say with a smile. "Even when things are good, I worry."

"I know you do." He wraps both of his arms around my middle, and I can't help but let him. We're getting closer now, and that's probably going to make it harder to say goodbye in two days, but oh well. I'm not wanting him to let go of me anytime soon.

"So Luke helped you find a place today?" I inquire, changing the subject.

"Yeah. We searched the internet for a couple of hours, and we found a place…it's in South Carolina, but honestly, Haley, it seemed like the best place to go. There's a physical rehabilitation place down there too, and Luke worked it out so I can leave the actual alcohol rehab and get help in the walking department."

"South Carolina? That's not as close as I was hoping," I say, chuckling a little.

"Me either but this is the best place for me, baby. I promise you that."

"Well if Lucas thinks this too, then of course you're right. I just hate that you're going to be so far away."

"I know, but it's for the best. Next time you see me, I'll be even more sober than I am now, and I'll probably be walking a little too."

"Good," I say, kissing his cheek.

He smiles up at me. "There's one more thing," he says hesitantly. I can tell I'm not going to like this, so I don't say anything. I'm just waiting for him to tell me. "Luke is going to take me there - " I open my mouth to object but he just keeps going on, ignoring me. "I know you want to take me, Hales, and I really, really appreciate that. But if you go with me, baby, I'm not going to want to stay there, and we can't have that. I want to get better for you and Jamie, and I can't commit to that if I go into that building and I know you're outside crying by the car or whatever. I just can't handle that."

"Nathan - "

"Haley, please," he begs me. "I hate to see you cry."

"How long?" I whisper, knowing that even though he hates to see me cry, the tears are forming in my eyes. I can't help it.

"Most likely two months."

"That's so long!" I cry out. "What's Jamie supposed to do?" I am asking about Jamie, but I know that underneath that, I'm asking about me too. What am I supposed to do without Nathan around here?

"I want you two to move back into the house," he says firmly. "And you will both be fine. It's two months, and it's going to fly by."

"For you! Nathan, you're going to a place where you'll always be busy and there's no memories. I'll be stuck here with all these memories surrounding me everyday, and I won't have you here to share them with!"

"Make new ones, and when I come home, you can tell me all about them."

"I want to make them with you," I whine petulantly. I know Nathan has to go to rehab. I know that. It's the best thing for him, and for our family as well, but it still sucks. I was checking out places for him to go too, but that doesn't make it any easier. Even though he has to go, I don't want to see him go away. I just don't.

"We will." I shake my head and look away. "Hey." He gently draws my face back to his and forces me to look in those gorgeous blue eyes. "We will make so many memories after I get out of there. But I have to go, and you know that. You wanted this, Haley."

"I know…but that doesn't make it any easier."

Before he can say anything, our little sports star is back in the room. "Mama!" His eyes grow wide. "Why are you sitting on Daddy like that? Aren't you hurting his legs?"

Nathan laughs and shakes his head. "She's not hurting me, buddy." He starts talking to Jamie about basketball which gives me a few minutes to collect myself and he knows it. I'm grateful for that. I know it's obvious I was crying.

"Hey." After wiping under my eyes about fifty times, I stand up. "Why don't you guys go outside? Jamie, you can play for Daddy, and I'll make dinner. Sound good?"

"Macaroni and cheese?" he asks, sounding so hopeful.

Nathan groans. "What is with you people and macaroni and cheese?"

"It's food of the gods," I remind him, just like I did back in high school. "And we are so lucky that Jamie has such great taste in food! See you guys in a little bit!" I shoo them out of the room and grab the phone to call Lucas while I make my way to the kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Lucas Scott, I could punch you in your face right now!" I exclaim. My little way of greeting him. Nice, don't you think?

"Well hello to you too, Mrs. Sunshine. I'm guessing this is about Nathan wanting me to take him to South Carolina?"

"You could have said no, Luke!" I cry out. "Don't you think I want to take him?"

"I know you do, Hales, but he doesn't want you to. He is sick of being a burden to you, and he knows if he walks through that door with you crying, he won't do it. He'll go right back out and back to Tree Hill with you, and he'll just drink again."

"Well this sucks," I mutter as I walk over to the fridge. I grab the cheese and milk. Jamie likes it homemade, not that silly macaroni and cheese out of a box. "Why doesn't he want me, Luke?"

"Aw, Haley, he does. You know that. But if you take him, he won't stay. He'll want to be with you…and that's not good for him right now. He needs to get himself help and then he can come home and be with you all he wants. And he'll be the old Nathan, which is what you've been wanting."

"I know," I agree with him, even though it is really hard. "I guess I'm kind of hurt that he didn't even want me to help him finding a place to go. I walk in here and that's the first thing I hear. That you were over here and you helped him search for places and you called and made arrangements. And to top that all off, you're the one driving him there."

"I'm sorry," he apologizes. "It wasn't about hurting you."

"I know it wasn't," I say softly. "But it does hurt. I want him to be able to ask me for help with this stuff. I don't want him carrying it all around and then going to you. I know you guys are brothers, but it would have been nice if he could have at least discussed it with me," I tell him, pulling out the cheese grater.

"Next time," he assures me.

"Yeah, well, he also informed me about you telling him about me nearly getting fired. He has enough on his plate, Luke, and I'm sure he's feeling even more guilty now!"

"He's going to feel guilty," he says nonchalantly. "It's expected, and he would have just found out about if after he came home. I don't know what the big deal is that he knows now."

"Because he's already dealing with too much! The repercussions of his actions are coming back to bite him in the ass, and I'm sorry but I think that's enough! Hearing that his wife could get fired for taking time off because of him isn't exactly something I want him to know right now!"

"Haley, I'm sorry, alright? But now that he's sober, he can know more of this stuff going on. And he's going to. I'm not hiding anything from my brother."

"Fine," I mutter. "I'm done talking. Your nephew and your brother want dinner, and I'm making it. Goodbye, Luke."

"Haley, don't even - "

I hang up before he can finish his sentence. I know it was probably something like, "Haley, don't even be mad at me." Or "Haley, don't even act like this." But honestly, I can't help it. I know I'm being selfish, but I don't know how else to be right now. This is really hard. Nathan was actually leaning on me a little bit, and all of the sudden it's Lucas he wants to lean on. It hurts.

I probably wouldn't be acting like this if all of this hadn't been dumped in my lap today. Or he could have at least eased me into it or something. Finding out my husband is going to rehab with the help of his brother and doesn't even want me to drop him off is hard. I don't know what to think anymore, and I don't want to think about it. It's probably just going to make me cry, and Nathan "hates it when I cry." And tonight has to be about him. He's leaving in two days.

A little while later, after sandwiches are made along with some macaroni and cheese, and drinks and plates and silverware are set out, I step outside on the patio. Nathan's sitting in his chair just watching Jamie shoot basket after basket. It's not the hoop his uncle bought him. In fact, this one is way too big for him, but it's all he has right now, and he seems okay with it. Even though he's not making any shots.

"Follow through, Jamie!" Nathan calls out, and it makes me smile. He's so patient with Jamie, and I know that his father was never like that with him. With Dan, it was always barking orders and scaring the hell out of Nathan. I'm so glad that he doesn't do that to Jamie. I wouldn't put up with that.

I walk up and put my hand on his shoulder, smiling when his hand comes up to cover mine. "Dinner ready?" he guesses, looking up at me.

"Yeah, but the macaroni and cheese is still a little hot, so he can play a few more minutes," I tell him. "He looks like he's having a lot of fun."

"Sure," he agrees easily. "Has Luke been playing with him?"

"Luke and Skills," I inform him. "Hell, even Brooke and Peyton and Lindsey have tried to play with him. He'll play with whoever wants to. He loves the game, Nathan. He's just like you."

"Sometimes that scares me," he admits, pulling me around to face him. I decide to sit on the steps, looking up at him. "I'm afraid he's going to be like me in more ways than one."

"You mean the drinking," I surmise. "He's four. We don't have to worry about that for a little while."

"Hopefully not at all…you know, I should have known. My mom has this problem. Uncle Keith drank a little more than normal, and here I am - worse than both of them. His chances of being an alcoholic are pretty high, Hales."

"Well, let's not worry about that now," I suggest. "I don't think it's a good idea for us to worry about something that we shouldn't be concerned about for another twelve years. When he's on the basketball team and going to all those ragers like the ones you used to throw, then we'll talk."

He chuckles. "Deal. So I heard you on the phone a little bit ago…talking to my older brother?"

"Of course. I'm just a little hurt about everything, but I'm fine now. I just wanted to take it out on him, and I shouldn't have because he's been so great about everything. In fact, he told me yesterday that I need to realize that everyone is on my side. I just have trouble accepting that."

"It's not that I don't want you, Haley," he says, watching Jamie as he goes closer to the pool. His ball rolled that way. "Careful, son!" he yells, and Jamie looks up at him.

"Okay!" he yells back, and grabs his ball and practically sprints back to the goal. I guess he's afraid of that pool when he's down there by himself. Or maybe it's because we watch him so closely when he's around it.

"Did you hear me?" he questions me after he's sure Jamie's away from the pool. "I do want you…but you coming is just going to make things so much harder, and I've already asked too much of you. I forced you to take Jamie out of this house, and it should have never gotten to that point."

"I'm your wife," I remind him. "You are not a burden to me. Your burdens and your problems are mine. We're like one person or something. That's kind of how those marriage vows are supposed to go."

He laughs, and I love it. I love the sound of it coming from his throat. His laugh is so adorable. He still laughs like a little boy, and it's just the sweetest sound ever. Especially now since this is one of the first times I've heard him laugh in months.

"We don't always do a good job at following those," he points out to me.

"Yeah, well, what can you do? Nobody's perfect," I say, standing up. I think the food is probably cool by now, and I want Jamie to eat. He needs more energy. He probably used it all at the basketball goal. "Jamie, come on up to the house and eat, sweetie! You can play tomorrow!"

"Mama!" he whines, stomping his little foot.

"James," I say sternly. "Come in the house, please."

"Come on, Jamie!" Nathan pipes in. "I'm gonna eat with you tonight!"

That does it. Jamie throws the ball down and runs up the steps as fast as he can. It's apparent that he loves his dad just as much as I do. He wouldn't even come to the house for me, but if Nathan asks, he'll drop everything. That should probably make me mad and maybe even a little jealous, but it doesn't. I'm just glad that Nathan's taking an authoritative role again. Yay!

Dinner goes by really smoothly. Jamie makes us both laugh the whole time with stories about the kids at his school. There's one who eats glue or something. He always gets put in time out for it, but it doesn't teach him a lesson. The next day, he's back to doing the same thing again. That's according to Jamie anyway.

Before I know it, it's about seven thirty, and Jamie goes to bed around eight. I need to get him back to Luke's. I look around and all the dishes and things are cleaned up, and I make sure there's food for Nathan in there for tomorrow. "We have to go, Jamie," I say to him, trying to ignore the little frown that has formed on his face. "You have school tomorrow and so do I!"

"Skip, Mama!"

"Oh no." I shake my head. "Mama's skipped way too much work already as it is to be with you. I can't do it anymore. But tomorrow after school, Brooke and Peyton are going to come get you so you can go get ice cream and then you're going to the playground with them, and you can't do that if you skip school."

"Okay." He sighs and runs over to Nathan, climbing up in his lap. "We have to go now, Daddy."

"So I heard." Nathan wraps his arms around him, laughing a little. "Be a good boy for Mommy tonight, okay? Make sure you brush your teeth and put on your pajamas right when she tells you to. Deal?"

"Deal!" He gives his dad a high five and then hugs him. "I love you, Daddy!"

"I love you too," Nathan responds, holding him a little bit tighter. "Go get your things and let me say bye to Mommy, alright?"

Once Jamie's out the door, he wheels over to me. Before I can stop him, he puts the brakes on the chair and moves the foot rest out of the way. He grabs onto the counter with his shaky hand, and starts to push himself up.

"Nathan…"

"Shh," he quiets me. "Let me do this."

I don't say anything and just wait on him. Very slowly, he pushes himself up while leaning on the counter with his left hand. His right hand grips the chair pretty hard, and I'm glad he put the brakes on. He probably would have pushed it across the room if he hadn't. And then all of the sudden, on shaky legs, he is up. He lets go of the counter, and I can tell it's hard for him to do this, but he is, and tears come to my eyes.

"I told you I hate it when you cry," he says softly. Not saying anything, I launch myself at him, careful not to knock him over, of course. His arms come up to hold me, and he turns, leaning back on the counter so he doesn't fall, and I sob into his chest. "Haley," he murmurs, "I'm so sorry. We're going to get past this…all of it." I nod, unable to speak at the moment, and his hands rub soothingly over my back. "Thank you for everything you've done, baby. I mean that. Thank you so much."

"Th-thank you back," I manage to get out. "Thank you for doing the rehab thing and for trying to get everything back…I love you, Nathan."

"I love you too, Hales."

And in this moment, I find that so easy to believe.


	10. Chapter 10

**I am so sorry for not getting this updated sooner! My internet hasn't been working, and I started a new job so life's been pretty busy. The good news is I have a lot of this story written, so hopefully, I'll be updating more than I have been. **

**I think this chapter is one of the better ones. It kind of conveys the emotions of both Nathan and Haley...and Jamie a little bit, too. So enjoy it, and I love to hear what you think...always! :)**

**-Lindsay**

* * *

Nathan is leaving tomorrow. He's going to rehab in South Carolina. And Lucas is taking him. Not me - the woman who has loved and adored him for years now, and even gave birth to his son - but Lucas. It's nice that he's depending on his brother for this and that he trusts him to do it, but it still hurts. I want to be the one taking him.

I just finished work and I'm on my way to pick up Jamie from Brooke and Peyton's and we're going to stay the night with Nathan tonight. It might not be the best idea, but this is his last night, and I want us to spend it with him. I have to work tomorrow, and obviously I can't take it off, but I think that I need to be here with him. Jamie needs to be with him. His last night should be spent with the people who love him the most.

"Hi baby!" I greet my little boy as soon as Peyton opens the door. "Did you have fun with your two favorite girls besides me?"

"Yeah! We played Legos again!" he exclaims, letting me pull him in a tight hug. I don't care how often I see him - hugs don't get old from him, and I won't ever get tired of giving them.

"Oh yeah?" I kiss the top of his head. "What else did you do today?"

"After Brooke left the store, we got lunch and then she took me to get cake!"

"Cake?" I ask. "What was the special occasion?"

"He's only the best boy in the whole wide world, Tutor Wife," Brooke announces, sauntering into the room. "He doesn't need a special occasion to get cake!"

"That's true," I agree, ticking Jamie's stomach.

"So, um, Nathan goes tomorrow?" Peyton asks when I stand back up to talk to them.

"Yeah. Hey, Jamie…why don't you go grab your bag from upstairs so I can talk to Brooke and Peyton for a minute?" Once he runs up the stairs, I look back at them. "He's having Lucas take him. He said it's too hard for me to…he won't want to stay if I'm the one leaving him there."

"He loves you," Peyton tells me, smiling. "He loves you so much and he always has. It makes sense to me that he wants Luke. It's gonna be too hard to tell you goodbye."

"Yeah," Brooke echoes, "you're his whole world, Haley. You and Jamie. He's not going to want to leave you for what? Two months at the least?"

"Two months," I repeat, cringing as it comes out. It just seems way too long. I know he needs this, but two months is way too long and hard for me. I'll call him all the time, I'm sure. "It's going to be rough."

"But we're all here for you, Foxy," Peyton assures me, squeezing my arm. "We all love you and Nathan and Jamie and we'll do whatever we have to do to help you guys get back on track."

"Thank you." I pull my two friends in for a close hug. "You guys are the best. I'm so glad you moved home."

"Us too!" Brooke backs away, smiling. "I'm going to run upstairs and make sure he has all his things. He brought a lot today."

"He didn't want to get bored," Peyton jumps in, "he doesn't like to play with your fabric swatches all the time, B."

"Shut up," she mutters, going up the stairs.

"I was thinking if you're ever in need of some serious girl time, we should totally have like a sleepover or something!" Peyton announces to me. "I think it would be really fun. It would get your mind off all these problems you have going on. You know Jamie would stay with Luke or whoever, and you could come here for the night."

I laugh. "We haven't done that since like junior year, Peyton, and that turned out horribly."

"That was because you were lying, Brooke was being selfish, and I was snorting coke," she says like it's no big thing. It makes me smile. "We're all grown up now, and sometimes it's fun to pretend like you're in high school again."

"You're right."

"I know…so think about it, Haley, okay?"

"Sure." I smile, nodding at her.

Jamie bounds down the stairs about two seconds later, his backpack strapped to his back and Brooke following close behind. "Okay, Mama, let's go."

"Alright." I look at my friends. "You heard my boss. I have to go."

"Okay." They both hug me again. "You call us as soon as you get off work tomorrow, okay?" Brooke requests.

"I will," I promise and then Jamie and I leave.

We get there and Jamie immediately lights up when he sees where we are. "We're seeing Dad again?"

"Yes sir," I confirm, turning around to give him a big smile. "In fact, you and I are going to spend the night with Daddy tonight…you're going to get to sleep in your own bed again. How's that sound?"

"Awesome!" he cheers, pumping his fist in the air. "Is Daddy happy?"

"He doesn't know yet," I tell him in a soft voice. "I was thinking that maybe we could surprise him…you want to tell him when you see him?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay." I step out of the car and help Jamie out, then grab Jamie's backpack. I know he has lots of toys here, but these are his favorites. I want him to be nice and comfortable tonight. He has no idea that Nathan is leaving, and we're going to have to tell him…I want him to have all things that will make him happy, because I know he's going to be pretty sad. I even had Deb stock up on some ice cream for me and bring it here while I was working today.

"Go get him, buddy," I tell Jamie once I've got the door opened. I smile as he runs into the living room where Nathan is watching television.

"Daddy!"

"Jamie!" he returns, equally excited. "What are you doing?"

"Me and Mama have a surprise for you," he says, going to sit on Nathan's lap. Thankfully, Nathan is sitting on the couch, so it's bound to be more comfortable for the both of them.

"Oh yeah?" He looks up at me and then back at Jamie. "What's that?"

"We get to stay the night!" he announces, throwing his arms around his father. "Mama says we can tonight, and she told me that I could surprise you with it! Are you surprised?"

He smiles at Jamie and nods. I swear I can see a tear in his eye, but maybe that's just me. Who knows. "Yeah, I am," he confirms, looking at me. I nod that Jamie is right - we are staying the night, and Nathan hugs Jamie again with all his might. I would be worried that Nathan's muscles might crush Jamie if this wasn't such a sweet sight. "Thanks for the great surprise, son."

"You're welcome!" He hops off Nathan and runs over to me, grabbing his backpack. "I even brought some toys that I just got. Me and you can play them in a little bit, Daddy!"

"Sounds good." Nathan laughs as Jamie dumps the whole bag by my feet. Well, normally, I would be a little upset, but it's okay for tonight. There are going to be no bad moods tonight. Everything is going to be perfect - well, as close to perfect as we can get - for Nathan.

"Jamie, before you start playing, we need to talk to you," I inform him, picking him up and settling him against my hip. It's been a while since I've held him like this, and I kind of miss it. "This is Daddy's last night in Tree Hill for a while."

"What do you mean?" he asks, his blue eyes full of confusion.

"I'm sick," Nathan says, holding out his arms for the both of us, and I walk over to sit beside him and place Jamie in his lap. "That's why you and Mommy left, remember? I wasn't myself?" Jamie nods. "Okay, well, I am going to go to a place that's going to make me all better, and when I see you again, I'll be walking, and you and Mommy are going to come live with me again."

"Really?" A little smile forms on his face. "How long are you going to be gone?"

I shrug. "We don't know yet, baby. Probably at least two months." His face falls and I wince. "But you know what?" I question, trying to make him feel a little bit better, "we're going to have so much fun in the meantime, and you'll get to talk to Daddy lots, I promise. Time's going to fly by."

"You're going to miss lots of things though!" he exclaims to Nathan.

"I'll see pictures," he tells him, holding him closer. "Your mom is going to send me pictures of everything. I promise."

"Okay." Jamie sighs. "Will you call me all the time, Daddy?"

"Every chance I get," he swears, and I know that's the truth. Nathan would never intentionally let that little boy down. Usually, if he makes Jamie a promise, he keeps it. That's one of the things I love about him. He's the best father anyone could ever ask for, and it's kind of a miracle to me, seeing how his own father was when he was growing up.

"I'm sad you're leaving." He looks like he's about to cry, and it just breaks my heart. He loves Nathan so much, and I know all of this has been really, really hard on him.

"I'm sad too," I jump in, and Nathan looks at me. He looks pretty sad too. I'm pretty sure if Jamie starts to cry, I'll start to cry, and then Nathan even will. It's going to be like a chain reaction, I can feel it.

Nathan wraps an arm around me and pulls me close. I bury my face in his neck and just breathe in his scent. He used to wear the sexiest cologne, and now that he's been feeling a little better, he puts it on after his showers again. I love it.

"I'll be home sooner than you think," he promises. I'm so close to him that I can feel his throat vibrating from his talking. "You'll both be okay. I know it."

"Doesn't make it any easier," I mumble against his skin. I wish I could just stay like this forever. It feels so good.

"I know, baby." He kisses the top of my head and smiles at Jamie when he's finished. "You're going to have lots of fun with everyone, Jamie. Uncle Luke and Skills and Junk and Fergie will take you to play ball whenever you want. You know Peyton will play Legos with you all the time, and whatever you ask Brooke to do, she'll do. She's wrapped around your finger." Jamie giggles. "And Mommy will be there all the time too, and you always have fun with your mom."

"It's not the same." He sniffles, and I know he's pretty close to crying. "You and Mommy are a team, remember? That's what Mommy always said till you fell and couldn't play basketball anymore!"

"We'll still be a team," I tell him, finally putting my head back up after being in the comfort of Nathan's warm embrace. "If you get out of line, I'm calling Daddy," I tease him, tickling his sides. "And you know nobody likes his temper. Not even me, and I like most things about your daddy."

His eyes grow wide. "I'll be good, I promise!"

Nathan playfully wags a finger in his direction and then looks at me. "You talk to Luke yet and apologize for so abruptly hanging up on him?"

"No," I say stubbornly, "and I don't want to. It hurts my feelings, Nathan!"

"Haley," he says, sighing. "We've been over this. It's either Luke takes me or I don't go at all. What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to go." I feel more relieved as I watch Jamie leave Nathan's lap and scurry over to his toys. I'm glad he isn't sitting here listening to this anymore.

"Well then get over your selfishness, Haley, and let me go!" he says angrily. I can tell he is obviously fed up with my attitude, but I think that if the situation were reversed, he would want to take me too.

"Yeah, you're right. Sorry I'm so selfish," I mock him, moving away. I sit on the edge of the couch and glare. "Sorry that I want to take my own husband to rehab." He opens his mouth to say something, but I don't let him. I get up and go over to Jamie. "Come on, Jamie," I order gently, taking him by the hand. "Let's go find something for dinner."

"Hales, come on," Nathan protests, but we are walking into the kitchen so we don't have to listen to him. I can't listen to him right now. I know I am not going to like anything he has to say.

"Mama," Jamie addresses me once he is sitting at the stool in the island of the middle of the kitchen. "I don't think you should be mad at Daddy. He's leaving tomorrow and I don't think he should go away sad that you're mad at him."

Oh, my boy. He's just so smart for his age. And of course, he is completely right. I don't want Nathan to spend his last night here with us upset with each other, and I don't want him to go into rehab like that. If I know my husband, he will worry about us the whole time he's there, and I don't want that for him. I want him to concentrate on getting well, and that's all. But then again, maybe he could think of his wife occasionally…that would be nice.

"You're right." I lean over the island and nuzzle noses with him. "How did you get so smart?"

"Funny," he murmurs. "That's what Daddy always asks me too."

I laugh. "Why don't you go grab your coloring book and crayons and work up here while I cook? I'm going to go talk to Daddy really fast."

He leaves the room and before I can get back to Nathan, he comes to me. He must have gone as fast as he could to get back in that wheelchair. It normally takes a little bit longer, but then again, he's usually drunk when he is moving back into it. Luckily, he is not tonight.

"Haley."

"I'm sorry," I say, not wanting to face him right now. So I don't. I busy myself pulling chicken wings out of the freezer. Dinner is going to be easy tonight. I don't feel like making much. I know I should just because Nathan's leaving tomorrow, but I really don't want to. And really, is the thing he's going to miss most while he's gone my cooking? I don't think so.

"Will you look at me?" he requests softly. I know he feels bad, but he really shouldn't. This is on me. I was the one being childish and selfish when he's the one with all these needs.

I exhale roughly, knowing I'm going to have to turn around anyway. "Happy?" I snit out once I see his deep blue eyes again.

"You want to stop that and talk to me?" He gestures towards the bag of chicken I'm currently messing with.

"What do you want me to say, Nathan? I'm sorry for being selfish and wanting to take you! Actually, you know what? I'm not sorry! I think I have every right to be the one to take you! I don't understand why I can't do this for you and why Lucas has to be the one!"

"We've been over this," he reminds me. "I won't stay if you take me, baby. I'll want to go home with you and we both know that I can't do that. In fact, I'm glad you have to leave before me tomorrow, because if you were staying here, I probably wouldn't even go then. My whole life is with you, Haley. You really think I want to leave that?"

"You have to," I whisper, bracing myself against the counter.

"Exactly." He wheels himself over to me and we're close now. I don't know if I like being this close with how I'm feeling, but I probably couldn't stand it if we were far apart either. "If there was some other way, you know I would do that in a heartbeat…but I have to go, Hales."

"I know…and I'm sorry for being like this," I apologize. "I really, truly am. And by the way, when I've been at Lucas's, he hasn't been home or we just completely avoid each other…I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"You need to. You're going to need him when I'm gone."

"I've needed him a lot lately."

"I'm sorry for that, Haley," he says and he looks pretty damn sincere. "If I could change this, you know I would."

"You're making it better, Nathan…that's all I can ask for." I gently caress his cheek, letting him know that I am glad. Despite my attitude, I am glad. This is what I've been wishing for. "Are you scared?" I ask in a small voice.

"Damn right I'm scared," he admits gruffly. "I'm going somewhere where I know no one…you and Jamie aren't there…and I'm probably going to learn things about myself and end up hating me when it's all over."

"I don't want you to hate yourself for this," I warn him. "Yeah, it sucks really bad, but I don't want you to hate yourself. As long as you're willing to fix it, which you obviously are, I don't see why you would feel that way."

"I started a shit load of messes, Haley," he says, running his hand through his thick, dark hair, "with you and Mom and Luke and even Jamie. Brooke and Peyton are even pissed at me, you know that."

"No one is pissed at you. They're pissed at the situation. And Jamie isn't pissed about anything. He just wants you back."

"And I'll be back," he swears, taking my hand. "We'll be good as new again."

"Good. I can't live without you, Nathan." And that is when it happens. I've been trying really hard not to cry through all of this, but finally, I can't help it anymore. I cry. I cry for everything we've lost and everything we should have had and I cry because Jamie and I had to leave him. I cry because he's leaving tomorrow and he doesn't want me to take him. I just cry for anything and everything.

Nathan looks shocked for a moment. I don't think he was expecting these tears, and I don't think he knows what to do with them. "Haley…stop crying," he demands. "Please stop. I can't stand it."

"I know," I sob out, "I'm sorry I'm doing it. I just don't want you to have to go through all this alone in a place where you don't have a clue who anyone is, and I want…I want you to come home so we can fix us."

"I will come home, and we will fix us," he assures me. He lets go of my hand and stands up again then. It's hard for him. He's so shaky, but he does it anyway, leaning against the counter so he'll stay up. "Everything will be okay again…one day, it will all be okay."

I wipe under my eyes, hoping to catch some of the makeup I know is spreading over my cheeks. Stupid me. I never wear waterproof mascara. "You really believe that?" I whisper.

"Of course I do, Haley. It's us. There has not been one thing we haven't been able to get through."

"What if this is the one that does it though?" I object. "What if this is the one thing we can't survive?"

I look up at him and for the first time, I can see how scared he really is. And he isn't so sure about us either now that I've said these things. He sighs and the silence hangs between us, echoing the questions that are rolling through both of our minds.


	11. Chapter 11

**I've been wanting to update this a lot sooner, but I just haven't had the time so I apologize for that...I wanted going to post it on Monday night before the premiere of One Tree Hill, but I didn't get around to it. Things have just been so hectic lately that my writing's been at the bottom of my list. So, consider this an update because One Tree Hill was so great on Monday!! :)**

**I'm sorry if there are some grammatical/spelling errors. I retyped this all from my laptop because the internet isn't working on that...and it took a while, I ended up getting frustrated, and I'm sure you know how it turns out..lol. I have the next update written, and I just need to transfer it over again..hopefully sooner than I did this one!!**

**Thanks for your continued reading and replies. They make me want to write!**

**-Lindsay**

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Dinner was a little tense. It was hard because we all know what's coming tomorrow morning. Nathan tried to make it okay for all of us. He tried to make us laugh the entire dinner and forget about our problems, but it didn't work so well. Jamie just looked sad the whole time, and I just couldn't stop wondering what was going to happen. Nathan even maneuvered himself into one of the regular chairs to please us. He was sitting at the table again normally, and if I hadn't been so curious as to what was going to happen with the two of us, I would have been thrilled and proud. Really, really proud.

Jamie's asleep now...well, actually, I'm not too sure if he's sleeping. He's in bed, that much I know for sure. We let him stay up a little later tonight. He went out back with Nathan again and shot baskets while I cleaned up. Then they played inside before his bath. After his bath, he spent more time with Nathan. They talked and watched television while I graded some papers. He cried when we told him he needed to go to bed, but we promised he could say goodbye in the morning, and although it didn't help too much, he went to bed a little easier than he would have.

Nathan cried when Jamie went to bed too. He couldn't help so he had to sit downstairs while I did it, and I know that was really hard for him. He wanted to help with his son one last time and he couldn't even do it. I can't imagine how he must be feeling. Probably like a failure, I'd guess.

"Is he okay?" he asks me when I walk back downstairs. I stayed up there and put on some pajamas and took off my makeup before I came back down here. I figured I wanted to be comfortable, and honestly, I don't really care how I look when I'm around Nathan. I don't think he cares either.

"Sad," I admit, shrugging. "But he's going to wake up early tomorrow so he can see you and make sure he gets one last hug in."

"God, Haley." He sighs raggedly and drags his hand through his hair. "He's so...disappointed."

I nod, sitting beside him on the couch. "I don't know about that. I think he's just confused. He really doesn't understand the real reason that you're going away. He just thinks it's because you're not yourself, and that's hard for him. He's four, you know? He doesn't get any of this, and I don't know how to explain it to him."

"You've done a good job so far," he applauds me. "You've been so strong through all of this, and you've been great with him."

"Thanks," I say simply, unsure what else to say. I'm not as strong as he seems to think I am...but I won't let him know that. I'm not going to degrade myself and make him worry even more while he's away. Because let's face it, he's going to worry...even if we do work everything out before he leaves.

He wraps his arm around me and pulls me against him, kissing the top of my head. "You need to get to bed soon," he says. "I know you want to be with me, but you do have to wrestle with all those teenagers tomorrow."

"We're watching a video on grammar," I say dully, and he laughs. "What? We are! I know I won't feel like doing anything and their grammar does suck."

"Good thing you're their teacher. You'll fix that real quick," he mutters, squeezing my shoulder.

"If I feel up to it," I mutter back.

"You will. You're going to bounce back fast, Haley. I know you, and you'll be okay. It will take a couple days, but you'll get back in your old habits."

"Probably," I agree. "Anyway, you should probably go to bed too if I have to go. You have a big day too...hours in the car with Luke."

"Nah." He shakes his head. "Luke drives; I sleep. It's easy, and everybody wins."

"Except for him!" I swat him on the chest. "He is going to be dead tired after carting your butt around, mister!"

"Small price to pay for his brother's sobriety," he points out.

He's right. If this is all Lucas has to go through for Nathan to get sober, then he is pretty damn lucky. I'm the one who is going to be here all alone with our child, and no husband to lean on. But on the other hand, I'm pretty lucky too. Nathan is going to come home and be the way he used to be, and I can't wait.

"You're right."

"By the way, you look beautiful tonight."

"What?" I laugh at his remark. "I'm in pajamas and I took off all that makeup I was wearing."

"Good, it was all over your face anyway from crying," he teases me.

"Stop it!" I cry out, swatting him again.

He smiles. "Seriously, you do look beautiful. This is my favorite look on you, Hales. When you're just completely natural and being a wife and a mother. It's pretty sexy."

"You want to get laid before you leave, don't you?" I ask, rolling my eyes. "That's what this is about!"

"No, it's not!" he objects. "I'm serious! I love the way you look right now!"

"Well thank you." I kiss his cheek. "Who knew you could be so sweet?"

"Whatever. It's why you married me. Don't even try to deny it."

"Well, yeah," I agree. "That and the fact that your kisses are the best."

"That's what all the girls tell me," he jokes, and I swat him for the third time tonight.

I love this. I love being around him when he's like this, and when he comes home, I'll get him like this all the time. This happy, carefree Nathan. I love when he's in this mood. I love flirting with him and laughing and joking. It's just perfect.

"You need to go to bed," he whispers twenty minutes later when I start to doze off on his shoulder. "Seriously, baby, you have to work."

I shake my head against his neck that my face has somehow becomes buried in. "I want to be with you," I whine.

"I want to be with you too," he says, kissing my head again. "But we both have things to do tomorrow."

"Fine," I mutter, pushing myself up and away from him. I yawn and stand up. Before I go, I lean down to kiss his cheek.

"Hey." He catches my arm and stops me. "You could always stay in my bed tonight," he suggests quietly, like I'm going to shoot it down immediately.

My eyes get wide, I know they do. This is a big surprise. That is one question I did not see coming. I don't know what to do now that he's asked. On one hand, I love the idea. I haven't shared a bed with Nathan in months, and I used to love it. He's always been protective of me, and that doesn't change when we go to sleep. That arm is always wrapped around my waist in the middle of the night, and I wouldn't change that for anything.

But on the other hand, I'm scared. I'm scared because we haven't been that close in a long time. I don't want to wake up tomorrow regretting that I let us get that close again. And I don't want to do it for fear that it's going to hurt even worse when I have to leave him. I'll come home and he won't be here, and that's going to kill me.

It would have been so much easier if he was still drinking and still biting my head off. Then if we did share a bed, it wouldn't hurt so much to tell him goodbye. But Nathan, for the most part, is okay right now. I know from Deb that he's been really irritable during the day, going through these withdrawals. He gets shaky and sweaty and knowing Nathan, he gets on a cussing binge. But when Jamie and I come around, he is fine, and for that, I am grateful. Nathan is in good moods now that we're coming to see him, and I am so glad...it just makes it harder to tell him bye.

In the end, my heart takes precedence over my head, and I decide to share a bed with him tonight. It's our last night together for at least two months, and I want it to be a good one. Telling him no is not something I want to do. "I will," I tell him, smiling.

"Yeah?" He looks like he can't believe it, and I'm not sure I believe it either.

"Yeah," I confirm, laughing a little. "It's our last night together, and it should be a good one, right?"

"Right," he repeats, moving himself towards the wheelchair. "I'll meet you there in a few minutes. I'll just get ready for bed and you can see if Jamie's asleep."

"Okay. You need any help?"

He shakes his head. "Surprisingly, I've been doing really good these days. I'm slow, but I get things done. I only had to ask Mom to help me with my clothes one time."

"That's a good thing," I reply. "But you better go a little faster tonight. Because once I see that Jamie's asleep, I'm coming straight back down to be with you, and if you're not ready, you can meet me in that bed because I'm not waiting."

He laughs. "Deal."

I bound up the stairs. I haven't taken them this quickly in a long time...but tonight, I actually have something to look forward to, and I want to cherish all the time I have with Nathan. I'm scared, but I'm sure it's all going to be worth it in the end.

Peeking in Jamie's room, I am pleased to see that he is asleep. The hallway light brings just enough light in that I can see his little tearstained cheeks, and that breaks my heart a little, but he's asleep now, so I'm not going to wake him up and talk to him about it. He will be okay, I know that. It's just going to take some time...just like Nathan said it would take time with me. Jamie has a lot of great people who are going to help him through this, and Nathan's going to contact him as much as possible. I'm sure of that.

I walk in and kiss his forehead. I can't help it. I'm careful not to wake him up...he's usually not really cheery when that happens. It's funny because Jamie is one of the happiest, friendliest kids in the world, but if you wake him up, look out. He gets grumpy, just like his daddy does.

I run into the bathroom when I leave Jamie's room, just to make sure I look okay. Nathan said I looked beautiful, and to be honest, I don't really see it. But if this is one of his favorite looks of mine, then I'm not changing a thing. Things are going to be good with these last few hours we have together.

I get back downstairs just in time to see Nathan pushing himself into the bed. His arm muscles are still pretty well defined, I can see. They have to be to push himself around the way he does. He's shirtless, and that makes me pretty happy. I'm not going to lie. I shouldn't be thinking about these things, but I'm still a grown woman, and well, grown women like to look at and think about their shirtless husbands.

"Hey." He smiles at me when he gets onto the bed. He looks a little awkward, like he's not comfortable, but he shifts around, pulling the covers over his legs when he's laying the way he wants, I guess. "Coming in?"

I smirk. "I thought you'd never ask." I set the alarm next to the bed just to make sure I don't miss work. I wouldn't mind because of what tomorrow is, but I can't afford that right now. I think I'm at that three strikes, I'm out point, and that's not a good place to be.

Once I'm in, Nathan pulls me close, and I lay down, leaving one of my hands on his heart. "I love you," he tells me as he smoothes down my hair. "I mean that, Hales. You're the best thing in my life, and I wouldn't get through any of this without you."

"I love you too," I assure him, snuggling closer.

"I know...but Haley, I would probably be dead right now if I didn't have you. I was that far gone, and because of you, I'm getting better. It's still hard as hell, but as soon as you walk in that door, I forget all the alcohol cravings and all I can see is you and our son." I take a deep breath, trying not to cry, and he knows it so he kisses my forehead. "Don't start that again," he warns me quietly. "We are both going to cry a lot tomorrow, and I don't want you to be doing it tonight."

"Fair enough," I mumble. "Do you have everything you need?" I didn't notice any suitcases in the house tonight, and I can't believe I didn't think of it until now when it's bedtime.

"For the most part. Mom came over today and helped me pack my things and then she took them to Luke's so he wouldn't have to get up as early. Besides, I'm not supposed to bring much...just a few outfits that will get washed and rewashed, and I can buy anything I need there. Rehab's not supposed to be comfortable, Hales." He laughs.

"No, I'd imagine not," I say. "I'm guessing you mostly took your Jordan sweat outfits, right? Like five out of the five hundred that company sent you when you signed with Seattle?"

He smiles at me. "That's basically what's in the bag...besides a couple pairs of jeans and t-shirts. And all that good old personal hygiene stuff."

"Don't they check you bags when you check in? Make sure you don't have anything that could be dangerous to your sobriety with you? I think I read that somewhere."

"Yep," he confirms. "I gotta make sure I don't have any vodka at the bottom of that bag of mine."

I tense and move slightly away from him. I know it's a joke, but I really don't find it funny. Nothing about this situation is funny to me...maybe in a few years, when time has healed it all, I will laugh about it. Not not now. Not when it is all so fresh in my mind and Nathan is leaving because of it.

"Hey," he directs my attention back towards him and off of my thoughts. "I'm sorry. I was teasing."

"It's not funny," I tell him, pulling back so I can look at his face. "Nothing about this is funny, and I seriously can't believe you're joking about it right now when you're leaving tomorrow. You're leaving because of it."

He sighs and forces me to lay my head back down. "Why don't we just get some sleep?" he suggests, not wanting to talk about things anymore, obviously. "We'll both be doing a lot of worrying tomorrow, and there's no sense in doing it tonight too."

"Yeah." I stretch up and kiss his cheek. "Good night then, Nathan."

"Night," he echoes, rubbing my arm. "And Hales?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for staying in here with me tonight...I know you struggled with it, but I'm glad you decided to. It means a lot."

"It means a lot to me too," I tell him, smiling as my eyes drift shut. "I love you."

"Love you too."

I look around the table the next morning after everyone is awake and dressed and ready to go. I made pancakes, but Jamie and Nathan aren't very hungry. To be honest, neither am I, but I knew that when I started making these things. I'm just sitting here with my coffee looking at the woebegone faces my husband and son are wearing. I'm probably wearing one too, actually.

As I glance at the clock, I realize I have to go in a few minutes if I'm going to get Jamie to school, and then get myself to my school on time. Nathan catches on to what I'm looking at, and if it's possible, his face falls even more.

I stand up and begin clearing dishes from the table. "Almost time to go?" Jamie questions, not looking up from his food that he's barely touched.

"I'm afraid so," Nathan voices, rubbing his hand over Jamie's hair. "Go get your toy that you wanted to take for show and tell today and then come back down here so we can say goodbye, alright?" Jamie stands up, the tears apparent in his little blue eyes. Before anyone can say anything, he is taking off to go get his toy. "This sucks," Nathan mutters.

"I know," I agree, going to the sink and running some water over the dirty dishes. "But you have to do what's necessary for this family."

"Yeah. I just hate how it's making everyone else feel."

"It will all be worth it in the end, Nathan," I tell him. "You have to believe that. It's all for the best."

"That's what I want," he responds, running his hand through his thick hair. "I just wish we could skip out on the hard parts and get to the best part, you know?"

"Sure," I agree easily, going to sit on his lap. I smile when he wraps his arms around my waist, but I can't help but think this will be the last time. It's disappointing and hard and it really, really sucks, but he'll come home probably quicker than I think he will, and things will be okay again. I have no reason not to think that. "Unfortunately, we can't. So we just have to deal with all this and take it as it comes, right?"

"Right," he repeats, his grip on me loosening when Jamie runs back into the room, backpack in hand.

"It's in my bag," he tells Nathan somberly, and I can't remember a time where he was ever this upset. Even when we moved out, I don't think he was this sad. Of course, he knew that he would still probably be seeing Nathan, and now he doesn't know for sure when the next time is going to be. It has to be traumatic for his little four year old self.

"Okay." Before Nathan says anything else, I am getting up from his lap, letting Jamie take my place. "Hey, buddy," he greets Jamie, smiling as best he can.

"I don't want you to leave, Daddy," he mumbles, his little arms going around Nathan's neck. "I'm sad and Mama's sad and I bet Uncle Luke's sad too."

"I'm sad too," Nathan admits to him, holding him close, "but I have to go. You are going to have lots of fun while I'm gone though, Jamie, and I will call you all the time. I promise, buddy. I'm not going to let you down."

"Okay." He nods against Nathan's shoulder. "I'm gonna miss you." He sniffles a little, and I try to busy myself with cleaning up. I don't want to listen to this. It's so hard, and partly because in a few minutes, it's going to be my turn to tell him goodbye.

It's not like he's going off to basic training with the army for the summer, and letters are all that will be exchanged between us, but still. This is going to be the longest time I've gone without Nathan, I believe, and definitely the longest time for Jamie. Nathan's the biggest part of my life, and it's going to be hard not to see him or talk to him every day. I can hardly imagine what it would be like if all we had left were letters.

"I'll miss you too," Nathan replies, and I have to fight to hold back tears. "You're my best friend in the whole world, you know that right?"

"More than Uncle Luke?" he questions, and I smile a little. Jamie is more Nathan's best friend than I am; I can pretty much guarantee that.

"More than Uncle Luke," he confirms, winking at me when I turn around to look at the two of them. Seriously, they are the most beautiful boys in the world.

"That's a lot!" he exclaims. "You and Uncle Luke hang out lots, Daddy!"

"Yeah, but he doesn't live with me," Nathan points out. "You do, and that makes you my best friend."

"And Mama?" he guesses. "Is Mama your best friend too?"

"You bet," he says, smiling. "Absolutely."

"I thought so," he tells him, pulling back to look at him. "Will you call lots?"

"Of course. Now give me one last hug and get your things ready for school. You and Mama have to leave soon." Jamie nods and hugs Nathan as tight as he can. I can see the tears in Nathan's eyes, and I hate it. It takes a lot for him to cry. I know this is a lot, but I still hate it. I still hate seeing him cry. "I love you," he mumbles, choking back a sob.

"I love you too, Daddy!" And with that, Jamie takes off, running out of the room. I don't blame him. I'd run right now too if I could...but I still have to say goodbye.

"Well, this is it," I say. I try to be light about it, but it just comes off totally heavy and depressing. I'm sure this makes the situation so much better. Stupid me.

"Guess so," he agrees. "Goodbyes suck."

I laugh inwardly at the irony of that statement. Whoever decided to call them 'goodbyes' was seriously disturbed. There is nothing good about goodbyes. At all. Whatsoever. Especially this one.

"I completely agree." Walking back towards him, I gently rub my hand over his cheek, and he closes his eyes for a minute, presumably just taking me in for the last time for a few months. "You'll do great, Nathan," I promise him, and I have no trouble saying that. He will do great. He always does.

"I'm not worried about how I'm going to do there, Haley," he says, opening his eyes and looking back up at me. "I'm worried about you two being here without me."

"We'll be fine," I assure him, and I can feel myself warm at how much he loves us and how much he wants to protect us. "All you need to worry about is yourself."

"Like I'm gonna do that," he scoffs. "Hey, give me a second, okay? I want to be standing up for this."

"Oh, Nathan." I shake my head. "That's not necessary at all. You'll be doing plenty of standing in a few days."

"I don't care, Haley," he argues, "what I care about is saying goodbye to my wife, and we're going to do this the right way. None of me sitting on my gimp ass and none of you having to lean down to be close to me. We're going to do this the way we used to say goodbye."

"We have never had to say goodbye for more than a week," I point out to him, watching as he struggles to get to his feet. He's dragging them across the ground trying to do this, but hey, at least he's trying. "Except high school and that sucked, and I'm not going to discuss that anymore."

"Good. Because I don't want to hear it." He keeps struggling, and I hear his sharp outward breath, but finally, he does it. He stands up, and by some miracle, he doesn't have to hold onto anything to stay standing. He just is, and it's so great to see. He laughs at himself - at the joy of being able to stand that way again. "Hey, look at that!"

"I'm so proud of you," I whisper, tearing up. His arms sneak out and pull me against him, and I hate that this is it.

"Thanks, baby." He kisses me softly on the forehead and then looks down at me, blue eyes on my brown. "I know you're scared about us, but I don't want you to be. We'll make it. We always do."

I nod. "I know. It's just scary here without you."

"Lucas and everyone will be here when and if you need someone, alright? You're not going to be alone, Haley, and I'll be in touch so much, you'll probably get sick of me."

"I'll never get sick of you, Nathan."

He smiles at me and wipes one my tears away. I smile back at his simple gesture. "I love you," he tells me, urging me to believe him. "You are the best part of my life, and I love you so much. I'm sorry for all this shit you've gone through because of me. You don't deserve any of it, and I will make it up to you."

"Don't worry about that stuff," I reply, watching his eyes well up with tears again. We are such babies. Jeez. "Just get back soon."

"I'll do my best."

We hear Jamie come back downstairs and open the front door. Obviously it's time for me to go. And for Nathan to make sure he has everything he needs. "I think he's ready to go," I tell Nathan, brushing my fingers over his cheek again. "You know how demanding he is."

"We spoiled him." He shrugs and then leans down, kissing me as hard as he can. I feel like I'm going to fall over, but I know I won't. His arms are supporting me, keeping me up, and I know that with him here, I won't fall. I won't. "Love you," he mumbles softly when we break apart.

"I love you," I repeat. "Good luck and call me as soon as you can, okay?"

"Promise." He smiles again and tucks my hair behind my ear. "Be good for me," he teases.

"You know I will." I stretch up and kiss him one more time, putting as much passion as I feel for him into it. I don't remember us having a kiss like this in...well, six months, probably. "We love you, and we're all rooting for you."

"I know, and I love you too," he tells me. "Now get out of here before you get fired, Jamie gets in trouble, and you make me cry like a little pussy even more than you already have." He grins lightly, and I know it is time to go. I hold him tightly against me for a few more seconds, and then let go, not looking back on my way out the door.

If I look back, I know I'll want to run back to him, throw myself at him, and never let go again. And that isn't good for any of us. Nathan needs to go. He needs to get better for himself first, and then for our family.

After Jamie is buckled into his car seat, I climb behind the wheel, starting the car. I gently touch my lips, like I can still feel Nathan on them. That was our first kiss in a long time, and it was a damn good one. I'm sad that the only reason we kissed is because he is leaving. God knows we are nowhere ready for a kiss, but I'm glad it happened. I would have regretted not kissing him before he left later on.

I'm sad that he's going away. But I am more proud of him than he could ever know. He's getting help. He's admitted he has a problem and he's taking care of it. Nathan has so much courage, and I can only hope that in the time he's gone, I will have enough courage to get by without him.


	12. Chapter 12

**So I am back with another chapter for you guys! I know you're pumped, right? haha. I typed this all out tonight, so I hope there aren't many errors...but if there are, I apologize. This should be the last chapter I do without a beta, since I've had a fabulous offer from Shannon! Thanks girl! :) It actually makes me feel like a real fanfic writer now! lol. **

**So enjoy this, and leave me some reviews! :)**

**-Lindsay**

* * *

Throughout the day, I have to fight the urge to look at my phone every chance I get. My students are only watching a movie today, and it would be so, so easy for me to just pull my phone out. I just want to see if Nathan has tried to call me or send me a text message or something. But I know if I do look and there's nothing there, I'll be disappointed, and I don't need that emotion on top of all my others today.

I also just want to text him something. I want to tell him how much I love him and how I can't wait to see him, but I'm sure he already knows those things. And I know that if I try to get in touch with him right now, he will probably make Lucas turn the car around because then it will be apparent to him how scared I am of going on without him for the time being.

I know I was living away from him, but he was still around, and I could still fall back on him these past few days since he's been sober. Now he isn't here at all, and he wants me to take Jamie and live back in the house again, and that's probably a good idea for all of us, but I don't know if I want to stay there without him.

I probably seem pathetic right now. I can't help it. Nathan is really and truly my whole life, my whole world, and it's hard that he's going away. I know I'm strong. I know I am. I would have to be to live the life I've lived and to be friends with the people that I am. We all have so many crazy dramas, and we all have to be strong to survive them. At this point, though, I don't feel like being strong. I just feel like needing and missing Nathan.

I'm so, so glad that we have Jamie. This would probably be so much harder if I didn't have him. He has been so great with me through all of this stuff with his dad. He lets me cry when I need to, and while that has to be really hard for him, he lets me. He cuddles with me when I need it, and I'm sure he'll be cuddling with me tonight. He's like Nathan in so many ways, and I'm so grateful for that. He's going to be the man of the house while Nathan is away, and I have no doubt that he'll perform wonderfully in that role.

Lucas is another person I'll be counting on a lot while Nathan's in rehab. He's definitely going to be getting some phone calls from me...probably in the middle of the night while I'm missing Nathan and I don't want to wake up Jamie. Or when a funny memory hits me right in the middle of the day, I'll have to run down to the gym to tell him. That's a benefit of working in the same place as your best friend. I can always depend on Lucas. He's the best.

I know Brooke and Peyton and Mouth and Skills and everyone else will be supportive as well. They will take Jamie whenever I need it. They're all like his surrogate aunts and uncles, and quite frankly, I wish they were his real aunts and uncles instead of who he has. Lucas withstanding, of course. My brothers and sisters are just never around. We are all spread out across the USA and we never see each other. I really don't know any of my nieces or nephews, and no one really knows Jamie. All the people in Tree Hill are exactly like my family, and sometimes, I wish they really were.

Of course, they are my family, in every sense of the word. There is never a time where they let me or Nathan down. Everyone always has my back, even if I've messed something up. I know they will be there if I need them during Nathan's absence, and I'm sure I will.

They've been doing it ever since I left Nathan. Hell, even before that, they were doing it. Well not Brooke and Peyton, but Mouth and Skills and the other guys? They were there to jump in when Nathan was in one of those crap moods, and I couldn't leave him, but I couldn't let Jamie sit around that either. They're the best friends anyone could ever ask for, and Jamie's lucky to have them in his life. They are good influences and they have fun together. I couldn't ask for more than that.

I'm sitting at my desk now during my lunch break and I look up just in time to see Brooke strolling through the door. "Hello Mrs. Haley James Scott!" she greets me cheerfully, setting a bag of food on my desk. "I figured you were probably too worried or too stubborn or too...too something to eat, so I decided to bring the food to you. It's from that place by the docks that you've always liked."

I smile at her. "Thank you. You're right. I haven't even thought about eating. I couldn't this morning because I was too upset and now I'm just...well, it just didn't cross my mind to eat now."

"Then I am glad I decided to show up!" She grins, sitting on top of a desk. She crosses one leg over the other, and if I didn't know her any better, I would think she was trying to pick me up. Brooke always sits in such a...unique, I guess would be the appropriate word, manner. It's probably because she started with boys so young in life that even when she gave them up, she couldn't give up the actions that go along with it. That's okay, though. Brooke is one of my closest and dearest friends, and I'm really not bothered by any of what she does. It's just Brooke for you. I wouldn't want her any other way. "How'd it go this morning?" she asks, motioning for me to eat the food she brought me.

"It was...sad," I say, opening the bag. "But I'm so proud of him for doing this, Brooke. He's admitted he has a problem and he's doing something about it, and soon he'll be back home with me and Jamie and things will be okay again."

She nods. "I believe that. Nathan is a fighter, and he will get past all of this. You two will be back stronger than ever."

"I hope so." I pull out a container, and to my delight, it's filled with macaroni and cheese. Oh, I love my friend!

"You will, and I am going to throw Nathan a big welcome home party when he leaves that place. God." She shudders. "Did you even get to see it?"

"Nope." I shake my head. "But Luke said from what he read and saw, it was safe and clean, and I am pretty sure Nathan wouldn't go somewhere unsanitary, you know? Plus he'll be going through physical rehab while he's there, and when we see him again, he should be walking."

"Really?" She smiles again. "Haley, that's great! I can't wait to see him!"

"Me either," I reply, and she nods like she gets it. Only she has no idea. She has no idea how much I want to see him already. And he only left like three hours ago from our house. "I'm going to miss him so much."

"I know, honey, but things will work themselves out. They always do."

Before I can say anything else, Lindsey appears in the doorway. "Hi," she says, holding up a container in her hand. "I was going to surprise you with lunch and see how you were doing but looks like Brooke beat me to it."

"Oh, that's totally fine," I assure her, gesturing for her to come in. "The more the merrier."

She nods and goes to sit beside Brooke. But not before placing the container of food on my desk. I open it and laugh. More macaroni and cheese. They know me so well.

"Hey, Linds." Brooke smiles at her. "I didn't know you were in town again."

"Just got in this morning," she responds. "I knew what today was and I wanted to be here in any way that I could."

"Thank you," I tell her, shoveling a fork full of mac 'n cheese in my mouth. If Jamie was here right now, he would be so jealous. He loves this almost as much as I do.

"How did it go with Nathan today?" Lindsey inquires, pushing her long hair behind her ears. "Luke called right before he went to pick him up."

"It was hard. It was sad and we all cried, but you know, he's doing this, and it's definitely the right thing for all of us."

Brooke's mouth drops open. "Nathan Scott cried?" She blinks a few times, trying to comprehend it all. "Nathan Scott Never Show My Emotions to the World cried?!"

"Yeah," I confirm, nodding. "It was weird, I'm not going to lie. Before this past week, I could count on one hand the number of times I've seen my husband cry. Now everyone has these emotions that are in high gear. I think I would have been more surprised if he didn't cry at all, though. This is some sad stuff he's dealing with - we're dealing with."

"You're all handling it like champions though," Brooke informs me.

"Yeah," Lindsey agrees. "Definitely. You make me jealous sometimes with how strong you two are. I hope Lucas and I are like that one day. Strong and able to withstand anything."

A knock sounds on the door and I look up to see Skills. "Hello, ladies," he drawls out, causing us all to chuckle. "I figured I'd come check up on you, but looks like you've got a party goin' on already. I brought food." He holds up another bag, and we all laugh again. "What?" he asks, and then he sees the other food. "Oh. My bad, Haley James."

"Skills." I laugh. "I have not been Haley James in years. I don't know why you still insist on calling me that."

He sits on top of a desk, just like the other two did. "You grew up like that, and to me, you will always be little Haley James. That girl who wore pig tails every damn day, and if it wasn't those, it was an ugly ass hat." Brooke and Lindsey both laugh at that and I glare. "But I'll always see you that way. The girl in pig tails down at the River Court with Luke, begging him to let her shoot that ball."

"And you'll always be that little bald boy, trying to mack on all the little girls on the playground." I smile back sweetly, and we both laugh. Skills definitely was a big part of my childhood.

"How you doin' anyway?" he asks. "Looks like you got enough food to feed an army."

"Yeah, or me and Jamie for dinner tonight."

"Yeah, about the kid, you still need me to pick him up from school today?"

"If you can," I answer, taking a drink of water. "I'll come get him as soon as I get out of here and grab our things at Luke's. We're going to stay in the house tonight. Nathan requested that we move back in there, so we're going to do it and see how it goes."

"I think that's a good idea," Brooke says. "You two will be supremely comfortable again, and Lindsey gets Luke to herself."

"Yeah, but he won't be home till early tomorrow morning," she pouts. "He's taking Nathan."

"I thought about goin' with him," Skills tells us, "I wanted to see if Nathan was gonna get some hot nurses helpin' him out. But then I decided that it didn't matter if he did cause it ain't like I'm ever gonna get to see 'em anyway."

"Skills," I admonish, "you should have! You could have gotten all the dirt for me!"

"I'm sure Luke's working on that," Lindsey says and we all nod. Lucas, bless his heart, is sometimes a bit too nosy for his own good. He sometimes finds out more than we like him to, but it's cool. He does everything he does for good. Even if it does piss us off sometimes. "And if he says anything about a hot nurse, Haley, you let me know, and I'll kick his ass."

I laugh. "I will be sure to tell you."

"Hey!"

Four heads swing towards the door and there is Peyton. "I was going to stop and get you some food but I figured you were eating already." I breathe a sigh of relief. I do not think I could handle more macaroni and cheese right now. As good as it is, I just don't think I want more. "Good thing I didn't." She chuckles and plops down next to Skills.

"Gosh," I marvel. "I'm getting enough people in here to make you guys my next class."

"What will you teach us?" Brooke asks. "All about boring married people sex?" She rolls her eyes and stifles a yawn. "Sorry, Tutor Mom. I love you, but that is just something I don't want to know about."

"Wasn't going to tell you anyway," I reply, rolling my eyes back at her. She always teases me about that stuff. "I was just saying I have enough people here to make a new class if I wanted to. But I have enough classes as it is."

"You look tired as hell," Skills points out. "I'd say you have more than enough classes!"

"Thank you," I mutter back sarcastically. "I love hearing I look 'tired as hell.'"

"I'm just sayin' you look tired," he responds.

"So how was Nathan today?" Peyton inquires. "Did he get going alright?"

"I don't really know," I admit. "Luke picked him up after Jamie and I left, but he was okay when we left. He was sad but he was ready. I think he just wants to get it all over with and come back to us, you know?"

"Sure," Peyton agrees easily.

"And I'm throwing the welcome home Nate party when he gets out!" Brooke exclaims, looking around to gauge everyone's reactions. She wants them to be excited as she is.

"He's not even there yet, B.!" Peyton laughs. "Give him a couple weeks before you start baking the cake."

"Oh, I am not baking it," she says, looking at her manicured nails. "I am ordering it. From New York."

"Big spender," Lindsey teases. "Actually, if you order it, I'll pick it up and bring it here for the party."

"That would be great!" Brooke squeals.

I lean back in my chair and smile at all my friends. I knew I had good ones, but I didn't realize how good they were. I can't believe they all came just to check up on me and bring me lunch. They didn't have to do that at all, but I love them for it, and I'm glad they're here. My day just got a lot better. Well, better than it would have been, considering the circumstances.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Brooke," I warn. "Just wait till we know for sure when he's coming home. Deal?"

"Deal," she agrees, "but that doesn't mean I can't think about it!"

"It is a good idea," Lindsey acknowledges. "It's just a little early."

"I'm a dreamer." Brooke shrugs. "What can I say?"

"Hey, B. Davis." Skills waves at her. "You ever see yo' boy Skills in any of them dreams?"

"You wish." She smiles at him, patting his head.

We all laugh and then the conversation kind of dies, so I take the opportunity to let them know how much I appreciate them. "Thank you guys for all coming to make sure I was okay," I say to them, making sure to send them the biggest smile I can muster today. "You have no idea how much I appreciate it, and I know that Nathan would appreciate it too if he knew you were doing this for me."

"We're your friends," Peyton tells me, smiling back. "The thanks is not necessary."

"Definitely not," Brooke agrees. "But just so you know, if I ever have a significant other who goes to rehab and I have a kid, you are so going to pay me back for this."

I laugh and everyone else just shakes their heads at her bluntness. "You got it."

--

I walk into the house with Jamie holding my hand, and it feels strange that we're here and Nathan isn't. I mean, for now, it's a good thing he's not, but it's still weird. Normally Jamie would have let go way before now and be running to tell his daddy a new story. But his daddy's not here so we don't have that problem.

He holds up Chester's travel cage and smiles down at the rabbit. "Chester, we're home!" he announces and then tugs on my hand. "Mama, did you feed Chester today?"

"Nope." I crouch down to get eye level with him and nuzzle his nose with mine. "That's your job, mister. Now why don't you take him back up to your room and give him some dinner? There's still some up there that we left."

"Okay! Thanks, Mama!" He nuzzles my nose again and runs up the stairs, careful not to bounce around Chester, who just looks terrified in his cage. I guess I would be too if I were locked up and a big human was bouncing me around on the way up the stairs.

"You're welcome!" I call up after him. No longer able to resist, I pull my phone out of my pocket. I'll just get the bags from the car later. Right now I want to call Nathan. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I didn't do it at all today, surprisingly, but I have to do it now. It's just inevitable. What, with being back in our house and all.

"Hey baby," he answers on the third ring. "What are you doing?"

I smile at the sound of his voice and sit on the bottom step. "Jamie and I just got home and he went upstairs to feed Chester so I figured I would call you while I had the chance."

"I'm glad you did," he says sincerely. "I wanted to call you all day, but I didn't think I should."

"I wanted to call you too," I admit. "I just didn't think it would be a good idea at the time...but I'm home now and Jamie's upstairs and I was just thinking about you and I wanted to call."

"I'm glad you did," he says softly. "We're still a few hours away. This place is like on the tip of South Carolina. It's ridiculous. I think Luke's getting tired of driving me."

"Hell yes I'm getting tired of driving you!" I can hear Lucas say in the background and then Nathan laughs.

"Well just make sure you tell him thank you," I remind him teasingly.

"Yes, Mommy."

"You doing okay other than that?"

He sighs. "I'm shaky, Hales, and I know that the only thing that's going to fix that is a drink, but I'm not going to do it. You know, we're out and I'm in car, and it would probably be easy to go get something, but I'm past it. I want to go through rehab and get home to you and Jamie."

"You'll get through it, Nathan," I tell him honestly. "Of course you'll get through it, and we'll be right here when you get home." I take a deep breath. "I'm scared without you here."

"What?" He sounds confused. "What do you mean you're scared? There's not someone bothering you, is there, Haley? Nothing like that, right?"

"No! No, nothing like that. I mean, I'm scared to be without you. I've never been without you. I'm just afraid I'm not as strong as everyone seems to think I am."

"Hey, you are strong," he says firmly. "You'll be fine there. You have Jamie and everyone else. There's nothing to be scared about."

"I just don't like to be without you," I whisper. "And I know that sounds completely pathetic, but it's how I feel. It's how I've always felt."

"I don't like to be without you either. You see what happens to me when you leave, Hales. In high school, I got arrested and drunk all the time. I painted the walls pink and hung a damn clown painting up. You left this time, and I drank even more that I was before. You get by so much better without me than I ever got by without you...but hey, if you're scared, stay away from the alcohol," he teases, "Jamie only needs one alcoholic parent."

I chuckle. At least he can joke about that stuff now. Jeez. "Nathan, stop that!" I chastise. "Oh, hey, guess what happened during my lunch break today."

"What's that?"

"Brooke, Lindsey, Peyton and Skills all stopped by to bring food and see how I was. Well, Peyton didn't bring food because she figured I had already eaten, but the thought did cross her mind. Anyway, I thought it was really great that they were being such good friends and they all knew what today was, and they all came to make sure I was doing okay and to see how it went with you."

"That was great of them, Hales," he tells me. "Really great. I'm glad they did that."

"Yeah, me too," I agree. "Guess what they all brought me!"

I know he can hear the excitement in my voice. "Macaroni and cheese," he says dully, and I can hear Lucas laughing at me. Whatever. It's better than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, which are my dear best friend's favorite.

"How did you know?" I tease him.

"It's been your favorite since you were like two, and I can hear how excited you are. You don't get excited over normal things like a basketball win or something like that. You get excited over macaroni and cheese."

"Jamie was excited too," I defend. "That's what we're going to eat in a little bit for dinner. Too bad you're not here."

"Oh yeah, too bad," he says sarcastically. "I would hate to miss out on some good old macaroni and cheese."

"I'm sure you would," I reply, smiling. "Tell Lucas we have enough if he wants to stop by tomorrow to get some."

"I'm sure he'll do that when he's not having welcome home sex with Lindsey."

"Dude!" Lucas yells. "I don't talk about you and Haley having sex! Shut your damn mouth!"

"Really, Nathan," I agree, cringing. "Lucas's sex life is one thing I can live without knowing about."

Nathan just laughs, finding the entire thing completely hilarious. He would. He can be perverse like that sometimes. "Sorry," he gets out in between laughs. "Anyway, how's Jamie today?" he inquires once he stops the laughing.

"Seemed okay...I think being around his friends at school really took his mind off things. Then coming home, the first thing he thought about was feeding Chester, so he can't be too distraught right now. I'm sure it'll hit him in a few days when he wants to play ball or something and you're not around."

"Luke will be," he reminds me. "Jamie can call him whenever he wants."

"He will. I'm just not cool to hang with him all the time," I pout. "You are though. Stupid basketball and boy thing."

"Next one," he mutters.

I can feel my eyes widen. "Next one?"

"Yeah. Next kid will be all yours."

"What?" I choke out. "What next one?"

"Oh. Never mind," he says, obviously a little embarrassed. "I mean, I just always assumed that you and I would...never mind. I was wrong."

"You thought we would have another baby?" I guess quietly.

"Well, yeah," he confirms, even quieter than me. "It's you and me and we obviously have good offspring. I always thought that when I was playing in Seattle, we'd get you pregnant - "

"God, man!" Lucas interrupts loudly. "That's so damn disgusting! Don't talk about that stuff in my car!"

"Stuff it, Luke," Nathan mutters, "put in your headphones or something."

"That's illegal to drive like that," Luke points out.

"I don't give a shit," he says. "Put them in or listen to me." Lucas grumbles for a minute or two, and I bite back a laugh. I can totally see Nathan rolling his eyes right now. Once Nathan makes sure the headphones are in and there aren't any cops for Lucas to get pulled over by, he gets back to me. "Anyway, that's what I figured would happen. We'd move there, get settled, and then a few months later, we'd decide we wanted another kid and get working on that. And you know us, Haley, we could hit it on the firs try if we wanted to."

"Nathan!" I laugh. "You're probably right. But still. Things didn't turn our the way you thought...you still want another kid?"

"Sure," he responds easily. "You've seen how great Jamie is. Can you imagine getting another kid like him? It'd be great."

"Yeah. Or," I counter, "this next baby could be completely opposite and cause us to go prematurely gray or something."

"Whatever. My point is, the next baby we have? He can totally be the one that bonds with you...when he's not playing ball," he adds, and I can see the smirk on his face in my mind.

"Then I want a girl," I say in a pouting voice.

"She'll play ball too."

"You're frustrating!"

"I know," he tells me. "All our kids are going to play ball, whether we have two or five."

"Five? Um, no."

"Two?"

I smile at his eagerness. "We can probably do two."

"As soon as I get home?" he practically begs.

"Do you really want another baby this badly?"

"I want one," he says. "And I guess that leaving made me realize what I really want. I want to be healthy again, and I want to walk. And I want to come home and be there for you and Jamie. And then I want us to have another baby."

"We'll talk about it when you get home then, I guess."

"Hey, even if we don't have a baby right away, we can practice on that baby making stuff though, right?"

I laugh again. He's in such a good mood right now, and it's great. "We can practice."

"We probably have a lot to talk about in terms of that," he says quietly, and I know what he means. It's been months since we've been together..._that _way. I know we have plenty to talk about, but I'm not about to talk to him about it when he's in the car with his older brother on the way to rehab. "I just don't think it's a good idea now," he informs me, like he just read my mind or something.

"I was thinking the same thing," I say, smiling at how he can still know what I'm thinking even though he's another state away. "But listen, I'll let you go. Lucas is probably terrified he's going to get pulled over for covering his ears."

"Probably." He laughs. "Thank you for calling, baby. It was good to hear your voice."

"You heard it this morning," I point out.

"So? Doesn't mean I don't miss it already."

"Bye, Nathan," I say softly. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," he replies. "Love you."

"Love you too."

I hang up the phone and place it beside me, resting my elbows on my knees. I have a big smile on my face and there is a simple explanation for that: Nathan. Right now, we're totally full of love. We haven't been like this since before the accident. I guess we're realizing what really matters in the face of these hard times.

I know that when he comes home, things aren't going to be all happy and smiley like they are right now. We'll still have a lot to deal with and a lot of adjusting. But for now, I'd rather be smiling about how wonderful he's being instead of sitting here crying and missing him.


	13. Chapter 13

Nathan left exactly one week and one day ago.

Jamie and I got to talk to him once. He told us that in the beginning, they want the patients to focus on themselves, and not the people they left behind. And that's good. I want that for Nathan. I don't want him worrying about what the drinking has done to us. I want him to worry about what it's done to him. So even though it is hard that he really doesn't have the opportunity to call us yet, he's doing exactly what I want for him. He's focusing on himself and getting better.

Lucas called me as soon as he dropped Nathan off that day. He said it was hard, and that Nathan cried again, but he promised that next time Luke saw him, he would be completely over all the shakiness and with any luck, he'd be back on his feet. He made Lucas promise to keep an eye on me and Jamie, and that if anything happens to us while he's gone, Nathan will find out, and he will come home and kick Luke's ass. I laughed when I heard that.

He met a few doctors in the facility, along with a counselor and the nurses. He told me that Skills would have probably been sorry he missed it, because there were some fine ladies there. I got mad at him, telling him that was no way to make me feel better. He said he was sorry, and then begged me not to tell Lindsey what he said. That Lucas. He knows when he's about to get himself in the doghouse.

According to him, it was a really clean place. It was a little closed off, meaning there weren't many windows. He assumed it was because the patients probably want to get off to the outside world before they're ready, and seeing it for themselves probably doesn't make it any easier. It probably makes them want it more, and they can't want that. Not yet. The building was also fenced in. That's understandable, but it will be hard for Nathan. I can just see him feeling like a caged in animal. That won't go over well.

Lucas has spent every day with Jamie. He has gone to work with Brooke every day after he gets out of school. Then Lucas picks him up from the store, takes him home, and I come get him after I get done working so Luke can go have practice with the team. I think that right now, it's good for Jamie to be around a lot of people. They take his mind off of Nathan not being around, and he's getting spoiled. I don't mind that at all. I usually do, but this is a special case.

I really appreciate that Lucas is doing this. Lindsey was in town for just a few days, and while I know Luke wanted to be with her, he made sure to spend time with Jamie too. I think he is trying to fill Nathan's role, and I really appreciate that. He's sticking through with his promise to Nathan about keeping an eye on Jamie.

Jamie's asked plenty of questions, and I try to give him the best answer possible. Sometimes though, I just don't have the right answer. He asks what Nathan's doing a lot, and when he's going to be home, and I just can't answer that. I have no idea, and I'm not going to lie to my son. If he asks the same questions, I'll just have to give him the same answer of "I'm not sure," until I get the right answer for myself. Then I'll pass it onto Jamie. For sure.

I keep replaying the talk with Nathan over in my mind about us having another baby. I am just so surprised that he brought it up then - on the way to South Carolina, when he's leaving us for several months, at least. We've talked about that only a few times, and most of those talks were a few months after Jamie was born. I've just gotten so used to Jamie being the only one that it's hard to picture another little Scott coming into our lives.

It's been nice to think about though. I kind of picture us with another baby now, and I like what I see. However, I just can't help but wonder if the only reason he brought it up was because he wants it to fix everything because he knows just because he's going to rehab, not everything will be resolved. A lot was broken with us these past few months, and it's going to take a lot to fix it all.

I know we can do it though. I know we can.

Lucas and I worked things out. I told him that I was being childish when I hung up on him. I was just hurt and I needed someone to take it out on. I couldn't take it out on Nathan because he was leaving, and I couldn't take it out on Jamie because…well, I refuse to take things out on him. That left Lucas. It was silly of me, but we've gotten everything solved now.

Jamie and I just finished eating lunch, and he's going upstairs to feed Chester. He's so responsible for his age. Nathan always jokes that he can't be his real kid because he wasn't that responsible when he was little, and he's still nowhere close to being that responsible today. But I don't believe that for a second. Nathan is very responsible, especially when it comes to Jamie.

I am finishing cleaning the house when the doorbell rings. It's finally clear of all signs that there was an alcoholic living here, and I'm so glad. I hated all those reminders. I put the vacuum cleaner in the hall closet and hurry over to open the door.

"Hi!" Deb greets me cheerfully, pulling me in for a hug.

"Hey," I reply, smiling as I pull out of her embrace. "It's good to see you. I haven't talked to you much since Nathan left."

"No." She sighs. "No, you haven't and that's why I wanted to come by. I figured it was Saturday and you wouldn't have much to do. I decided to stop in and see my favorite daughter-in-law and my favorite grandson!" She looks around me to see if she can spot him. "Where's he at?"

"Feeding Chester," I answer, opening the door wider so she can come in. "Can I get you anything? We just ate, but there's some leftovers in the fridge if you're interested?"

"Oh no thank you," she declines, setting her purse down on the hall table. "I was just hoping we could catch up."

"Sure," I respond, motioning for her to go in the living room. "How have you been?"

"Good…relieved, actually. I'm so glad you got Nathan there, Haley."

"Actually," I say, "he did most of it on his own. He knew he wanted to go, and I was planning on finding him a place, but he had Lucas over and the two of them did it while I was at work."

"Oh I see." She nods. "Well, it doesn't really matter how he got there. What matters is he's there!" She smiles at the thought of it. "He was really at rock bottom, huh?"

"Yeah," I confirm, shrugging. "I really don't know what else he had to lose. His career was gone, we were moved out, his brother was there more for us than he was for him, he couldn't even walk…" I could go on but I figure I'll stop. This is stuff Nathan's not proud of, and neither am I, and even though Deb is his mom, I probably shouldn't be sharing it.

"Well, I for one, am glad we didn't have to have the intervention after all. I'm glad that he realized before we had one what he was going to lose…I think all it would have done for him was add to his anger."

"That's probably true," I assert. "But we had to do something. I was just at a point where I was at rock bottom with him."

"It was bad," she says. "But he's working through all that now, and I'm sure you two will work through everything as well."

"We'll try."

"How is that going, by the way? I know you told him that you wanted a future with him if he got sober, but I was just wondering how the marriage was working?"

"Before he left, things were…great. But I think that was because we knew he had to go away, and so we pushed everything aside to just be together for as long as we could. I know we're going to have a lot to go through after he gets home."

"I'm sure," she agrees. "But you can do it. You're Nathan and Haley, the super couple!" she quips.

"Haha," I deadpan. "You're right though in the sense that we work through anything and everything. I can't help it if I don't want to be without him."

"No, you can't." She smiles, twirling a piece of her hair around her finger. "And he doesn't ever want to be without you either. You have to know that. I figured that out the day he emancipated himself."

I sigh. I know Deb is still hurt over this, even though she and Nathan made peace years ago. She still brings it up every now and then, and I never know how to deal with it. Usually when she does, Nathan is around, and he handles it, but of course, he's not here, so I'm at a loss on what to do. She blames me for it, I think. I mean, I was the one who told him he had options back then.

"Deb, I'm not sure we should talk about that," I admit hesitantly. "You know Nathan hates when it's brought up even though it is what happened back then…it's not…well, it's just…it's in the past. I don't think it needs to be brought up now."

She shakes her head. "No, of course not. I was just saying that I realized back then he couldn't be without you. And I realized that the day he emancipated himself."

"And I'm sorry for all the pain that caused you," I apologize. "Nathan did what was best for him at the time, and to be honest, if I had been in that position, I probably would have done the same thing."

"Right," she agrees. "Nathan needed to get out from under all of us and what we were doing to him, and if that was the only way to do it, then I'm glad for him in a way."

"I'm glad he did it," I admit softly, not wanting to anger her. "I think he would be a different person if he hadn't done it, and I like the person that he is now."

"Me too," she agrees, smiling at me. "And a lot of that has to do with you. You saved him back then, and you're saving him now."

"He's saving himself," I tell her. "I just gave him a shove in that direction."

"No, Haley," she denies. "You are always saving him. Without you, I don't know where Nathan would be, and I am so lucky to call you my daughter-in-law."

Compliments from Deb are usually far and few between, so I'm surprised that she's saying this. I do appreciate it though. I appreciate it so much that a few tears escape down my cheek.

"Haley." She looks so surprised that I'm crying and she reaches out to squeeze my hand. "I know I don't say things like that to you very often, but it's the truth. You are everything to Nathan, and while it killed me that he had to grow up and get married, I wouldn't want it to be to anyone but you."

"Deb, thank you," I whisper. "It's really good to hear that. Especially now with everything we're all going through."

She nods. "I do have something else to tell you…I'm going to go back to South Carolina. I left Mark there, and I think it's about time I get back to him. But I'll be in the same state as Nathan, and maybe if they let me, I can go check up on him from time to time and let you know how he's doing."

"That'd be great!" I exclaim. "I know you'll be honest with me…I know that Nathan is going to update me on himself, but he won't want to worry me, and so he probably won't always be one hundred percent honest. If you were there, that would take a lot of worry off my chest."

"I'll be there," she tells me. "It's not that I want to leave you and Jamie again while he's gone but I have a life there. I can't just forget all about it."

"No, of course not." I shake my head. "You need to get back there and pick up where you left off. We'll miss you but it's understandable. When are you leaving?"

"In a few hours actually," she admits. "I wanted to tell you both goodbye."

"Sure." I stand up and call up the stairs for Jamie.

He comes down a few minutes later, smiling as soon as he sees his grandmother. "Grandma!"

"Hi handsome!" She kneels down and he flies into her arms. They've gotten pretty close since she's been here these past few weeks. I never thought the two of them would be so close again. They're lucky to be having a second chance, I guess. "You're lucky that I'm at your house. You know how I feel about being called grandma in public," she teases him, reaching out to tickle his stomach.

He laughs. "What are you doing here, Grandma?"

She takes a deep breath and I give her a reassuring smile. "I came to tell you bye," she admits to him, wincing when his face falls. "I have to get back to my house."

"You can stay with me and Mama!" he invites her eagerly. "There's room 'cause Daddy's not here!"

"No, I can't do that, sweetie," she says. "I left my boyfriend there."

His eyes widen. "You have a boyfriend? Grandmas don't have boyfriends!"

"Oh, this one does," she tells him, tickling him again. "Give me a hug before I leave, okay?" He does so and she holds him to her tight. "I'm glad I got to know you again, Jamie. I'll call you and come visit again soon."

"You better," he replies, letting her go. "I love you, Grandma."

"I love you too." She runs her hand over his little blonde hair after she stands up. "Well, Haley, come here." She gives me a hug then too. "You're doing just fine. Nathan's going to come home and you'll work everything out."

"Thank you," I say back. "Let me know if you get to see him, okay?"

"Of course." She pulls away and walks towards the door. "If you need anything, you just let me know."

"We will."

"Okay." She opens the door and gives us both one last smile. "Love you both!"

"We love you!" Jamie and I call out in unison as the door shuts behind her.

"Why do people keep leaving us, Mama?" he asks me after she leaves, tugging on my hand. "Daddy and now Grandma. Who's next?"

"Oh, Jamie." I pick him up and slide him onto my hip. He's getting too big for this, I hate to say. Maybe Nathan's right…maybe it is time for another baby. Then I won't be sad that I can't carry Jamie anymore. Ha. "No one is going to leave you. And if they do, they'll come back. You heard Grandma. She said she would be back to visit, and Daddy will be back. You know that."

"They still leave!" he objects, his lips turning into a pout. "They leave and it makes me sad!"

"I know, baby." I hold him closer and close my eyes, just thinking. "It makes me sad too."

"Then why do they do it if they know it makes us sad?"

I shrug. "I wish I had an answer to that, honey, but I really don't. Grandma is leaving because she has her own life, and Daddy left because he needs to get better. No one leaves to hurt you, Jamie."

"Do you think Uncle Luke will go play with me later?" he asks, changing the subject abruptly.

"He probably will," I say, setting him on the ground. "He always plays with you. Want me to call him?"

"Yes please!" He nods eagerly.

I call Luke and a half hour later, he's here, making Jamie very, very excited. I know it's hard for him to not have a dad around the house, so when Lucas comes by, he bounces off the wall. It's hard for him to just have one parent, and I understand that. I try to play both roles sometimes, but that's hard, so having Lucas around makes us very lucky.

"How are you doing today?" He turns to me when Jamie heads upstairs to grab his little basketball and his cape. He doesn't like to do much without that cape. I find that really cute.

"Good…I miss him, Luke, but I always do so that's nothing new." I shrug and offer him a smile. "Deb left to go back home today. Jamie was asking me why people keep leaving."

He cringes. It's probably because that's difficult to hear a four year old ask. He should just be thankful that he didn't have to hear that. Or try to answer it. "What'd you tell him?"

"I just said that everyone has a reason to leave and that no one does it to hurt him."

"How'd he take that?" he asks.

"He asked if you could come play with him." We both chuckle at that. "I think he realized he wasn't going to get a good answer out of me."

"You tried, Hales," he reminds me. "You tried and that's what counts."

Jamie comes bounding down the stairs then. "Ready, Uncle Lucas?"

"Yeah," Luke responds, smiling at him. "Let's go to the River Court, buddy."

Jamie jumps up and lets out a little cheer. "Bye Mama! Love you!"

"Ah, ah, ah." I stop him before he gets out of the house. "Kiss first."

I bend down and he kisses my cheek. "Okay. I'll see you later!" he calls out, opening the door.

"We'll be back soon," Lucas promises me with a wink.

After they leave, I look around the big empty house, wondering what to do next. I realize that I haven't gotten the mail yet today, and I'm sure we've got some bills coming that I need to pay. So that is what I decide to do. Sit down and pay the bills.

I go outside and grab the mail, shuffling through it as I walk back inside. I stop when I see an envelope addressed to me with Nathan's writing on it. Quickly, I rip it open, letting all the other mail fall to the ground.

_Dear Haley,_

_I've been in rehab for two days now, and when I'm not in a meeting or trying to walk again or doing something that deals with my recovery, I'm sitting in my room missing you and Jamie. Lucky for me, I don't have a roommate so I can sit as long as I want and wonder what the two of you are up to. I keep pulling the picture out of my wallet that we had taken about a month before my accident. It's our family, and you have the same one sitting on a dresser in our room. I remember you had just gotten your hair cut a few days before that, and you were so nervous that I wouldn't like it. But I did. You were beautiful then, and you're beautiful now, and I want you to know that, Hales. I remember how excited you were for that because we hadn't taken a family picture professionally since right after Jamie was born. I have that picture in my wallet too, in case you were curious._

_You and Jamie make me the happiest I have ever been in my life, and I want you to know that all that has happened lately…it doesn't stop how I feel about you. I'm still as happy as I've ever been knowing that I have you and Jamie. Everything that went on is not your fault, and I need you to understand that. I know you know I'm not an alcoholic because of you, but because I was, and I still am, weak. I just felt the need to repeat that because I feel horrible these days. Now that I'm here, I've realized even more how horribly I treated you and how you didn't deserve any of that. Mistakes you may have made don't even compare to what I've done, and I'm sorry for that. _

_I know Jamie's probably really confused about things, and I know that you are probably trying your hardest to answer his questions, but you really don't have a straight answer to give him. When he asks about me, just let him know that I'm trying to get better and walk again, but I'm missing him a lot at the same time. I still don't know when I'll be leaving this place because to be honest, Haley, I don't want to leave unless I'm almost positive that I won't slip. So if he asks when I'm coming home, just tell him that you don't know, because I don't know either._

_Things are different here - different than I thought they would be. There are so many people here, and they all have different kinds of addictions. There are drug addicts and alcoholics, and there are even some gambling and sex addicts here. Isn't that weird? I used to make fun of people like that, Hales. I mean, how could someone get addicted to shit like that? But they did, and now here I am. I'm an addict too, and I realize that I had no right to ever say anything about other people. Everyone makes mistakes, and they're here paying for theirs just like I am. Don't worry, though. They're feeding me and I take my daily shower and keep clean. This is a clean facility, and I promise you, I'm okay. Things are hard, but I'm okay._

_You probably keep thinking about having another baby because I brought it up. What a time to bring it up, huh? When I'm on my way to rehab. Sorry for that. I've thought about it a lot lately, and it really is what I want. I want to have another combination of me and you. When Jamie was born, it was the proudest day of my life, and I want to experience that again. I want to go through that again with you, and to be honest, I loved you carrying my child. I loved being protective of you, more so than I usually am. I loved making sure that you weren't walking too close to the street or lifting things you shouldn't be lifting. I want that again, Haley, and I know it would take a lot of time, but just know that it is something I picture us doing again. It's something I want for us, but I want you to want it too, and not just because I do. I just think it would be good for us, and bring us closer together again, and let's face it, we need to be closer again._

_I haven't been able to call yet. There's a certain time period here or something where you have to wait to use the phones, and they took my cell. I promise though, that as soon as I can, I will call you. Yours is the first voice I want to hear. Well, yours and Jamie's. _

_I hope everything is going well there. I hope you're able to balance work and Jamie…but I know you can. You're strong, Haley. Thank you for loving me and supporting me in this. I'm sorry for everything, and I promise when I come home, things will be different._

_-Nathan_

I reread the letter about a dozen times, I think. His words are so sweet, and they're really a comfort to me right now. I feel better now that I've heard from him, and I know he's okay. I know when he comes home, things will be hard, but they will get better. His words give me that hope.


	14. Chapter 14

It's a Tuesday when I finally get to hear Nathan's voice again. We're about to leave the house. Jamie's all ready for school, and I've got everything in the car. It's one of the few days I'm actually ready on time, so I guess it's a good thing it's the day he gets to call. There won't be rushing, and we can have a few minutes to talk.

"Hello?" I ask, watching Jamie finish up his cereal.

"Hales," he breathes out, and I swear my heart stops for a minute. There's nothing like hearing his voice on the other line.

"Nathan," I say softly. "It's so good to hear your voice."

"Yeah," he answers gently. "Yours too."

"How's it going there?" I smile at Jamie when he looks up after he realizes who I am talking to. He says that he wants to talk to him too, and I hold up a finger just so I can have a minute to talk to him.

"It's…hard, Hales. Rehab is really tough. We're working on making all our amends right now, so I've written about a dozen letters, and every time I finish one, I realize that I have another one I need to write. I keep thinking of people that I've hurt through this."

I sigh and sit next to Jamie at one of the stools. "At least you're doing it," I point out. "At least you know what you have to do to make up for all of this."

"Because that's what they tell us to do, Haley," he argues. "If I wasn't here, I would have no idea what to do or what to say. I wouldn't even know who I hurt."

"But you're there, Nathan, so there's no point in thinking what it would be like if you weren't. Is this the first thing you've really worked on?"

"We started these yesterday," he tells me. "Last week was all about us. Figuring out or treatments and talking to the counselors. Now it's about the people in our lives."

"Are you okay?" I inquire. "I mean, you're not like dying to escape and get a drink, right?"

"My body is clear of alcohol," he says, "and that's a good thing. There are days when things here are so hard that I want a drink, but I can't get it, and I have no intention of leaving until I'm really truly okay. And when I do leave, it's back to you and Jamie."

"Good," I say honestly. "What about physically? You working on your walking?"

"Yep," he confirms, and I can tell he is proud of himself. "I'm sore, but I've been in the pool a lot. It's easier to walk in there first."

"But you're doing it in there?" I ask, surprised. "You're walking in the pool?"

"Yeah." He laughs. "I can tell you're surprised."

"I didn't expect it so soon," I admit. "But I'm really proud of you, Nathan. Good for you."

"Thanks. Hey," he says, "do you think I could talk to Jamie real fast? I know you two are about ready to leave for the day."

"Of course. Just one second."

I put Jamie on and he immediately starts chattering away about basketball with Uncle Luke and some little girl in his grade named Katie who keeps wanting to kiss him. He hasn't told me about her yet, but that's okay. Nathan's his dad, so of course he wants Nathan to know. Nathan is the cool parent, after all.

While I am clearing the dishes from the counter, he proceeds to tell Nathan about Chester. Then he whispers something that I can't hear, but I'm sure Nathan will tell me all about it. He passes the phone to me about thirty seconds later after he tells Nathan he loves him. He tells me that Nathan said we have to leave soon so he wanted to tell me goodbye too. I tell him to run upstairs and make sure he has everything and then get back on the line with Nathan.

"Good conversation?" I ask with a smile.

"He wants a dog," he says dully, and I want to laugh. I'm waiting for him to tell me he is joking, but he doesn't. "Hales?"

"He wants a dog?"

"Yeah, he whispered it to me because he doesn't want to make you mad."

"Why would that make me mad?" I question. "Jamie always wants something new," I remind him. "This is no different."

"No, this is different," he counters. "This is a living, breathing thing, and Jamie didn't want you to be mad that he wanted said living, breathing thing."

"He said that?"

"Well, not in those exact words, but you know what I mean."

I laugh. "So what do you think then, Dad?"

"Let's, uh, let's talk about that later. He can wait on a dog…but I was just wondering how work is going. You're making it in every day, right? And on time?"

"Yes," I say, proud of myself. "That just wasn't like me to always skip like that, especially my first year. But when Principal Turner talked to me and I realized I could lose that job, I just…I realized I can't pull that anymore. My personal life and my career have to stay separate."

"Yeah, they do," he agrees. "I'm glad you're doing better with it. I was worried."

"Me too," I admit with a sigh. "Anyway, I got your letter last week. Thank you for that, Nathan," I tell him. "It was really good to get."

"You're welcome. That was just stuff I wanted to say…and I forgot to mention that when you and Jamie left - "

"Nathan," I interrupt. "Don't do this. It always causes fights, and it's done and over with now."

"I know," he says. "I just wanted to tell you that I know now how right you were to do that. It's hard for me to tell you I'm wrong, but I was. You were right to get him out of there. I was so far gone, Haley, I didn't know if I would ever get back."

"But you are," I remind him happily. "You're getting back to yourself, and I can't wait to see it with my own eyes."

"Soon, baby," he says and then sighs. "I better let you go. You're doing so well with work, and I can't make you late now. I love you."

"I love you too. Call when you can, alright?"

"You got it." I can hear the smile in his voice. "Bye baby."

We hang up and I call up the stairs for Jamie. Today is the start of a good day. I can just feel it.

"Good morning, Brother-In-Law!" I greet Lucas cheerfully when I see him as I am getting out of my car at the school. "Isn't it a nice morning?"

"It is," he says hesitantly, then looks at me closely. "What are you so happy about? You're at work."

"Oh, shut up." I slap at his chest playfully. "I got a call from your brother this morning!"

"No shit?" He grins at me.

"No shit," I repeat, grinning back. "He sounded so good, Lucas. He said it's hard but he's hanging in there. You know him, he's a fighter."

"Yeah he is," Luke agrees. "I got a letter from him last week," he admits.

I frown. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know." He shrugs. "It was basically between Nate and me. You know, a lot of apologizing was involved, and making sure I'm looking out for you. Pretty much what he told me when I dropped him off, only this time it was in a letter."

"I got one too," I tell him, smiling gratefully when he holds the door to the school open for me. "It was nice to hear from him because he hadn't been allowed to call yet."

"But he is now?"

"Yeah, I think so," I answer. "I'm not totally sure. He just said he would call when he could, and since he called this morning, I'm assuming he can. Maybe you'll get a call soon." I poke at him.

"It'd be nice to hear how he's doing," he tells me. Impulsively, he gives me a hug.

"What's that for?" I ask, laughing as I pull away.

"It's a thank you," he says simply. "Nathan is doing all of this for you. Without you, I don't think we'd be getting him back."

"You helped too," I point out. "In fact, you've helped out a lot. You helped him find a place and you took him there."

"But you got him to the point where he realized he needed to go," he reminds me. "Good job, little sis."

"You too, big brother," I quip back, smiling. "So when's Lindsey come back to town?"

He follows me into my classroom and shrugs. "Things with Lindsey have been a little…tense lately."

"What?" I look up from the stack of papers I forgot to take home last night to grade. "She hasn't mentioned anything to me."

"When was the last time the two of you had a serious conversation that wasn't about Nathan?" he questions, pointing out my mistake. I've been so caught up with Nathan that I haven't made much time for Lindsey lately. That's horrible because she's really turned out to be a great friend.

"Luke, that's not fair. He's sick."

"I know, I know." He holds up his hands and sits on top of my desk. "It's just…I'm the same way. I've been caught up with Nathan and that's been hard for her. Plus, you know, Peyton's in town, and she's having a hard time dealing with that."

"You two have been finished for a few years, Lucas." I raise my eyebrows when he looks away. "Or not?"

"No, we have been…sometimes, though, I'll talk to Peyton, and it's like we never broke up. Lindsey knows that, I'm sure, and it's hard on her."

"It should be!" I exclaim. "She's in love with you."

"I know," he says. "I don't know why I'm feeling like this about Peyton. I mean, it's not all the time, but some days, these feelings just come up."

"Well," I say, folding my hands together, "maybe you need to rethink your relationship with Lindsey. It's hard for me to say that because you're both my friends, but you are my best friend, Lucas, and if you're coming to me with this, then I'm going to tell you what I think. If you're not sure about Lindsey being the one, then you should probably take a step back."

"Yeah." He sighs. "Don't say anything to her, Haley," he warns me. "I'm not sure about anything yet, and I'm going to need some time to think things over."

"Okay," I agree, smiling at him when he gets up to go to his own office. That is when I remember Brooke and Chase. They were supposed to go out, but I'm not sure when exactly when that was. Damn. I've been a horrible friend lately. I look at the clock, seeing I have ten minutes before the bell rings, and pull out my phone, calling Brooke.

"Good morning, Mrs. Scott," she greets immediately.

"Good morning to you too, Miss Davis," I say back, smiling. "How's it going this morning?"

"Good, good," she answers. "I am on my way to the store. We got in a new shipment yesterday so I decided to go in early today and check that out. How's it going with you?"

"Good," I say. "Nathan called this morning."

"Oh, Haley, that's great!" she exclaims, and I can tell she is genuinely happy about this. "How is he?"

"Alright. Rehab is tough, but he's sticking it out."

"Well, he's a fighter," she tells me. "He'll get out of there just fine, and probably sooner than you think."

"I hope so. Actually, the reason I'm calling you is to apologize. I've been a horrible friend lately. I've been so caught up in everything with Nathan that I never even asked you how it went with Chase."

"Don't even worry about that," she brushes it off. "I'm not mad about it. You have a family, Tutor Wife! I can't expect you to always be there when you have such a sweet little boy and an adoring husband."

"Still," I argue. "I should have asked."

"Still nothing," she replies. "And for your information, Chase was wonderful. We went and got ice cream like we used to do in high school, and we stayed at the docks all night just talking and laughing."

"Aw." I smile. "Do you see anything happening from this little meeting? Like a relationship?"

"Well he isn't in town for much longer," she informs me, "but we've hung out several times. I'd like to see where it goes, you know?"

"Sure," I respond. "I think that's a good idea, Brooke. You deserve to have some fun, and Chase was always a fun guy."

"He still is," she tells me. "Anyway, I am at the store so I need to run. I will pick up your son after school and maybe I'll stop by later to see you, alright?"

"Sure. Bye, Brookie. Love you!"

"Love you too, Tutor Mommy!"

I feel awful about how I've treated my friends lately. I feel like I've just neglected everyone. Sure, I talk to them when I'm picking up Jamie or something, but other than that, I really don't pick up the phone to call them and just chat. I need to start doing that again. I need to understand that the world doesn't revolve around me or my problems.

Most of the time, I don't think that the world does. I really don't. I know that everyone has their own problems, and that some don't even compare to mine. But mine have been so huge though that they've tramped everyone else's. And that sucks that I've let them.

And so at the end of the day, I call Peyton and take her up on the sleepover she suggested a while back. I think it would be fun, and good for all of us.

Lucas agrees to keep Jamie for the night, and I know I have to work tomorrow, but I can handle one day with not getting as much sleep as I normally do. I need to be with my friends. I owe them a lot.

I get to Peyton and Brooke's at about seven in the evening after I drop Jamie off with Lucas again. Jamie's thrilled about staying there. He and Luke haven't had a sleepover in a few weeks. He's been with me every night since Nathan left.

"Come on in!" Peyton answers the door before I even ring the doorbell, and I look at her questioningly. "I heard you pull up," she explains, ushering me in. "Brooke and I are pretty excited about this. We haven't had a sleepover since junior year."

I shudder at the memory. "You mean the one where Brooke and that creepy Felix had sex in my bed? Ew. Let's not even discuss it!"

She laughs at the memory. I guess she can; it wasn't her bed. "It was funny, Haley! But alright, we won't talk about it."

I blow out a frustrated breath and glare at her. That was so not funny. At all. "Shut up, Peyton," I grumble. "Junior year sucked anyway. Let's not discuss why."

"Okay, you know what? You need to loosen up a little and have some fun!" She smiles at me, her blonde curls bouncing wildly.

"How do you propose we do that?" I ask, slipping off my high heels in the foyer. "No alcohol!" I warn jokingly, smiling at her.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and although I don't drink often, I'm not going to do it anymore. I don't want to do it. I've seen what alcohol can do to people obviously, and I'm not going to risk that. I'm going to give up drinking completely, just like Nathan has to. I'm supporting him through all of this, and I think that by not drinking anymore, this will help him out.

"Definitely not," she agrees. "Brooke will be home in a little bit. She went to go get pizza."

"Pizza?" I grin at her. "Yummy!"

"That's what we thought too." She takes my overnight bag and places it on one of the bottom stairs. "So how's life Mrs. Scott? You hear from the husband in South Carolina lately?"

"The husband in South Carolina?" I grin. "You make it sound like I've got like four husbands in different states or something! And to answer your question, he called today for the first time before Jamie and I left for the day."

"Good!" she cheers, patting me on the back. "How's he doing? I'm sure it's tough."

"It is," I confirm, nodding. "But he's hanging in there. He's doing everything it takes to make it out of there and get back to us."

"I'm glad, Haley," she says, "you and Jamie need him around."

"Yes we do," I agree, going to sit on their couch. She follows me, grabbing a pillow and folding her legs underneath her. "Anyway, we don't have to talk about Nathan. I feel like that's all I do lately, and I'm kind of noticing that I've sucked in the friend department lately. I wanted to catch up with you and Brooke tonight."

"If we're catching up, you need to talk about your life too! Tell us about Nathan and Jamie since they are a part of it!"

I smile at her. She knows what I like to talk about. My husband and son are obviously my favorite topics. "Jamie wants a dog," I inform her, jumping right in.

"A dog?" She raises her eyebrow. "The kid has a bunny. You're going to add to that?"

"I don't know." I sigh. "He's really responsible with Chester. But a dog? They're much more work than a rabbit. You have to do the house training and walk them and feed them more than you'd feed Chester."

"Jamie is a responsible kid," she asserts. "I think between you, Jamie, and Nathan, you could handle that."

"True," I agree, "but I don't want Nathan to have to worry about anything except his sobriety for a while, you know? I want him to concentrate on that and just having fun with us as a family."

"A dog would be a part of that family."

"Yeah." I sigh. "I don't know, Peyton. Maybe we could get Jamie the dog now and then have him housebroken before Nathan gets back. That way Nathan won't have to worry about it, and we do have a fenced in backyard."

"Yes, you do." She smiles at me. "It's up to you, Haley, but honestly, you always make good decisions for your family, and if you think this is a good decision, then do it."

"I do owe Jamie," I say, thinking out loud. "He's been dealing with so much because of Nathan and I. I feel like I need to make that up to him, and I am trying."

"You're doing a good job," she praises me. "He seems happy. Missing his daddy obviously, but happy."

"Do I seem happy?" I ask, wondering how I come across to people. It used to be happy when things were good with Nathan, but I don't know if it's like that anymore. Even though Nathan is getting back to his old self.

"You seem like you're getting there," she says, reaching over to pat my knee. "You're only happy if the people in your life are happy and when they're not, you're not. It's as simple as that."

"I want to be happy again. And I think that with Nathan getting better, I'm getting there."

"You are," she says. "You really are. And we all see it."

"Good. Enough about me and dogs," I say, changing the subject, "how's your life going?"

"Actually…" She takes a deep breath, looking away from me.

"Peyton?"

"Lucas called me," she blurts out and my eyes go wide. I know they do. "To talk about his relationship with Lindsey."

"What? What does Lindsey think about that?" I'm sure she's pissed. I would be. You don't just call your ex-girlfriend to talk about your current girlfriend. That's totally uncalled for, even for Luke, who screws up with girls quite often. That's not really a good thing for me to think, but it's the truth. He just has some trouble in the ladies department.

"She doesn't know," Peyton admits, sighing. "God, Haley, I don't know what to do! I'm in love with him too. I hate hearing him talk about Lindsey."

"Well then why did you?"

"Because I feel like if I have him in some capacity, even if it's not the way that I want him, then it will be enough."

"But it's not," I guess, cocking my head to the side a little.

"It's not," she repeats. "I mean, it sounds like they're kind of on the rocks, but I don't want to get my hopes up because every time I do, I just get let down again. It's the story of my life."

"Peyton, stop. You have so many good things in your life! You don't need Lucas to feel better about everything else."

"That's not what I'm saying," she defends. "I'm saying that I don't want to feel these things for Luke because every time I do, things go wrong. I'm tired of hurting because I'm in love with him, Haley."

I sigh. "This isn't as simple as it sounds, but you have to fall out of love with him and let him go. Either that or keep holding on, getting hurt, and then maybe one day, he'll come back to you."

"Do you think Lindsey is the one for him?" she asks quietly, pulling at a loose thread on the pillow. I'm almost positive Brooke will be fixing that pillow later.

"I don't know who's the one for him," I tell her honestly. "For so long, I thought it was you. You two were just drawn to each other. And then there was Brooke. Once you weren't in the picture and they got together for the second time, he was so happy. He was so in love with her…or at least I thought he was. And you came back in, and I realized it was you, Peyton. You were the girl for him. But now Lindsey is in his life, and if that's who he chooses to be with, then I want that for him. I don't know if Lindsey is the one, but I know for a while, she made him really happy, and I guess she's not right now. But you know what? I'm not going to say this to make you feel bad…but Nathan and I didn't always make each other happy, and we're still together because he's the one for me."

She nods. I know this is hard for her to hear, but I want to tell her the truth. I don't want her to keep on dreaming of something that might not happen. Lucas and Lindsey might work everything out. You never know.

Brooke comes in then, the smell of pizza filling the room. "Hello bestest friends in the whole world!" she exclaims, setting the pizza on the counter. "Tonight is all about the gossip and the girlfriends and stuffing our faces with fatty foods! So eat up!"

Peyton and I smile, eager to eat the pizza, so we get up immediately. I pull her in for a quick side hug just to let her know that I'm here if she needs me, and she gives me a look of thanks. "Mm, this smells good, B.," she informs Brooke. "What kind did you get?"

"Half cheese lovers and half pepperoni and sausage. You know, it's classic but it's delicious. And it's nice to mix it up."

"It is nice to mix it up," I agree. "Like sleepovers when we're twenty-two years old! I love this!" I grin, grabbing a piece of the cheese one. Yum.

"What were you two discussing before I got here?" Brooke inquires, biting into her pizza.

"Lucas drama," Peyton answers simply. "He and Lindsey are having some issues and he called to explain them to me."

"He called you? Damn. What is going on in his head?"

"I don't know," I respond, sighing. "I don't think it's the best idea to call up an ex about a current relationship. But that's just my opinion."

Brooke nods. "I agree with that. I used to get pissed when Luke would talk to Peyton about the two of us. It's just common sense not to do that."

"Well unfortunately Lucas doesn't always have that when it comes to women," I remind them, causing them to chuckle.

"Just be careful, P. Sawyer," Brooke warns when the laughter dies down. "We've seen how much Lucas loved you, but we've also seen how much he's hurt you. Just remember that, alright?"

"Alright," she replies. "So talk to Chase today?"

"You bet your ass I talked to Chase today," she answers, a huge smile on her face. "He leaves in two days though, so we're going out to dinner tomorrow night."

"Two days?" I repeat. "Really? I feel bad now! You two should have been hanging out tonight too!"

"No," she denies. "We needed this girls night! We all have things we want to talk about!"

"Yes we do," Peyton jumps in. "And this is the best night to do it! I have Lucas stuff, Brooke you have mom and Chase stuff, and Hales, you have Nathan and Jamie stuff. We've got to get it all out on the table sometime, you know? And now's as good a time as any!"

"Well okay," I say, slamming my hand on the counter. "Let's dish it all out, ladies!"

"Yes, let's!" Brooke squeals, clapping her pizza-greased hands. She giggles then. "I missed this! I missed you two! We're all so caught up in our own lives that we just haven't had time for anything. Hell, Peyton, you're my roommate and I barely know anything about your life these days."

"Well let's change that," she says. "First of all, the record company is wonderful, thanks to you. I've got this new band, and while the lead singer is kind of an ass, they signed with me, so I'm working with them. Second of all, I love Lucas, but I'm uncertain if he loves me back. Thirdly, I love this pizza and fourthly, I am so excited to be with my best friends right now!"

"Busy life, Peyton," I marvel, chuckling.

"You next, Teacher Mom."

"Well," I begin. "Jamie wants a dog. Nathan is in rehab, and I'm missing him to death. I just want him to come home and hopefully, we won't ever have a problem like this again. I'm trying to be happy again. Work is going well; I haven't missed any more days. Oh, and Chester the bunny is fan-freaking-tastic!"

They laugh. At least Chester leads a normal life. "Okay, me next!" Brooke announces. "First of all, my mother is a total pain in my ass with this company. It's mine. I mean, I design the clothes and my name is on everything, yet she thinks she can run it all. She tells me I don't have a head for business, and maybe I don't, but I'd like to try it and see what I can do. Secondly, I think I am really starting to like Chase again, and that scares me because he's leaving. But maybe someday, we can try it again when I work up the courage. Let's see…" She taps her chin with her pointer finger. "What else? Um, there is a cute bartender named Owen at Tric, and if things with Chase don't work out, maybe I'll hook up with him!"

"Whatever floats your boat, Brooke," I tell her, leaning back on the stool a little. "You think things with Chase won't work?"

She shrugs, grabbing a napkin. "They didn't in high school. But who knows. We're older now, and we know what we want so maybe now they will."

"I guess we'll see what happens," Peyton remarks. "All of us will find out in time what is supposed to happen."

We talk all night long, and I wake up early the next morning to head into work. As I'm on my way there, I think about my friends. I've been selfish, and I'm sorry for that, but their willingness to just hang out with me again like nothing has happened really warms me. I've got great friends, and I really needed a night like this with them. I'm so glad I got it. I know I'll always have them to fall back on, and that's something I really need to know these days.


	15. Chapter 15

**Ah, I seriously suck for never updating this, I know. I promise I'm going to try to be better about it. Life has just been so crazy...but I wanted to get this out to you guys, so I didn't have anyone beta it, which I'm also apologizing for. haha ****This chapter is pretty realistic, and I think that you really get the idea behind alcoholism..at least kind of an idea as to why people drink the way they do when they have the disease. Enjoy this, and please, please review! I love them, and they keep me going! :)**

**-Lindsay**

* * *

I roll over the minute I hear my cell phone go off, blinking a few times as I try to read the number. My eyes are heavy with sleep so it's kind of difficult, and when I can read it, it's one I don't recognize. I assume it is Nathan when I see it because there are so many different lines at that place that he never calls from the same one.

"Hello?" I answer groggily.

"Hales, hi," he replies. "I know it's late, and you're asleep, but I wanted to call you."

I sit up, wondering if he is alright. "You can call me whenever you want. You know that…what's up?"

"I just got back from physical therapy."

"You did?" I glance at the clock. "You had it this late?"

"I asked if I could stay late and work on my own there for a while," he explains. "I felt like things were going really well today, and so I wanted to do some more."

"That's good, but don't wear yourself out, Nathan," I warn him. "You have a lot to do while you're there."

"I know, but it's a good thing I did this," he says. "You want to know why?"

"Yes," I say immediately. "Why is it a good thing you worked longer today?"

"I graduated to crutches, Haley!" he exclaims, and I can hear how happy he is. "I walked back here on crutches!"

My hand goes up to my chest, and I can feel my heart beating quickly. I'm sure it's because I'm just so full of pride and happiness and hope right now. I'm so, so happy for him. This is wonderful news.

"Nathan, I am so, so proud of you!" I squeal in happiness. "I knew you would walk again one day! Congratulations!"

"Thank you," he says, the happiness and excitement so apparent in his voice. "So if Jamie asks, you can tell him that Daddy's getting better. Every day that goes by, I'm getting better."

"I can tell," I state truthfully. "I can't wait for you to get completely better so you can come home."

"Well, I've been here about a month, Hales. Just wait until I can walk completely or at least close to it, and you and I will be together again."

"I can't wait," I murmur softly. "Oh, your mom called me last night. She said she'd been to see you and that you looked completely healthy and sober and she seemed to think that you would be staying that way from now on."

"I think so," he agrees. "I'm just sticking it out here because I need to finish my physical therapy and I want to make sure I'm not going to slip again. But we've talked about that, and you know how I feel about it all."

"I do," I agree. "You stay there as long as you need, Nathan. I think that if that's what's best for you, then you should do it. Even though it sucks not seeing you, you should do it."

"Actually," he starts, and I wonder what he's up to. "I was thinking that maybe on a weekend you and Jamie could come here and visit me…I know you can't leave work, so you could drive through on Friday night, sleep for a while on Saturday in a hotel, and then come see me Saturday evening. I've thought a lot about this, and I need to see you two, Haley. Plus, if they let my mom in, they're sure to let my wife and son in."

"I'd love to see you," I tell him. "Would Jamie be okay there?"

"I don't see why not," he says. "I mean, it's a little weird at times…there are a lot of different people here, but maybe you could bring him and then Mom could pick him up so you and I could have some alone time."

"Alone time, huh?" I flirt. "What does that entail?"

He laughs. "Well, I think I can promise you a kiss."

"You can promise me a kiss anytime, anywhere," I remind him. "Make it exciting why don't you?"

He laughs again. It's a rich sound, and I love it. "I'll surprise you when you get here," he says, and I can tell it is because he has no idea what to say to that, and honestly, I have no idea what I even wanted him to say.

"Good. I love surprises."

"No you don't," he argues, but lets it go. "What's been going on around there? Jamie doing okay?"

"Sure," I respond. "He's great. School's going great. I don't think he's had any problems with anything. You know for a preschooler, he's doing great."

"Smart boy. He's like his dad," he boasts proudly.

"Whatever. He got his brains from me. Along with his height, according to your brother."

"Well, you are both on the short side. But hey, one day that will change for him. You, though…I think you're a lost cause," he teases.

"Shut up," I mutter. "Hey, I spent the night at Brooke's a while back, and I'm seriously considering getting him that dog. He really wants it, and I'm thinking that we can get it housetrained before you come home."

"It's up to you," he tells me, "but just know that it's going to be a lot of work. More work than Jamie probably thinks."

"I know, but he's so responsible for his age, Nathan. I really think I might do it. Peyton said she'd come help pick one out. Lucas will probably go too."

"I heard he and Lindsey are having a bunch of trouble," he says, changing the subject. I should have expected it though. I did mention Lucas and Peyton together in the same breath. "At least that's what he said last time I talked to him."

"Honestly, I don't think it's going to last. She's not trusting him and he's getting fed up with it. I think they're hanging on just to have something to hang onto because they don't want to know what it's like without each other."

"That sucks," he mutters. "I was really hoping Luke would get it right with someone for once, you know?"

"I know," I agree. "I just think that he never really let go of Peyton and that's becoming more and more apparent these days. He's always calling her or showing up to talk about his relationship with Lindsey. I don't think it's good for Peyton or Lindsey, but it's not really my business, and even if it was, Lucas is being stubborn about it and won't listen to me."

"That's Luke for you."

"That's you too. And your son! It's a Scott thing."

"You're also a Scott," he reminds me.

"Only by marriage," I say. "I am not one by blood so I did not inherit that stubbornness."

"You have your own though, Hales," he replies. "You're completely stubborn…probably more than the Scotts are."

"Whatever," I mutter. "Anyway, when would you like us to come see you?"

"As soon as possible," he says. "I'd like to see you both. I feel like I'm going to die if I don't see you. I miss you so much."

"We miss you too. If he was awake, I'd let you talk to him, but he's asleep and he had a big day. He went to the zoo with Skills and Mouth…came home begging me for a snake, but I killed that dream pretty fast when I told him they could bite or wrap around his neck and strangle him."

"Snakes would be easier than dogs," he points out.

"I'd prefer an animal with four legs instead of an animal with none!"

"Well then go for it," he tells me, and I think I will. Jamie should have a dog. He's getting old enough, and seriously, what's a childhood without a dog? "But I'll let you go, baby. I know you were asleep and you have work tomorrow."

"Okay." I stifle a yawn. "Thank you for calling me."

"I'd call more if I could," he says honestly. "Tell Jamie I love him, alright?"

"I will. I love you, Nathan."

"Love you too, Hales. Night."

We hang up and I make up my mind to go see him this coming weekend. I've been waiting forever to see him. At least it feels like that long, and I'm sure Jamie feels the same way. It's time we go see him. It will be good for all of us. It's something we really need. And I think it will be good to see how he's doing with my own eyes, even though I trust what Deb has told me about him.

Three days later, I'm holding Jamie's hand as we step into the elevator that will take us up to Nathan's room. He has no idea that we're coming this weekend. I spoke to him again and told him we'd come in two weeks, just so we could surprise him. I also called to check with his doctor, and he said it was a great idea, and that he would make sure Nathan was in his room around the time we were coming. It's going to be so great.

The ride here wasn't the greatest. I've never driven to South Carolina before so I made a few wrong turns here and there, but luckily, I realized my errors pretty quickly before we went too far. Jamie told me lots of entertaining stories when he was awake, and when he wasn't, I talked on the phone to Lucas or Brooke or I listened to the radio. There's some weird stuff that comes on there late at night.

We got to Deb's early this morning and freshened up. She was very welcoming and Jamie was beyond thrilled to see her. He really grew attached to her in the short time she was in Tree Hill. That's good because my mom's not around much, and he needs a grandmother in his life. Even if, according to Deb, she is "too young to be a grandma."

"Mama?" Jamie tugs on my hand. "Does Daddy know we're coming?"

"Nope," I answer, smiling at him. "It's going to be a surprise. Think he'll like it?"

"He's gonna love it, Mama!" he exclaims, and I can tell he's really excited for this too. Deb told me that she would come pick him up later so Nathan and I could talk, and I'm not pretty glad that she moved here, even though I wasn't too thrilled about it in the beginning.

"I think so too, baby." I pick him up and kiss his soft cheek. "He's going to be so happy to see you! He probably won't even recognize you because you've grown so much!"

Jamie laughs. "Is he getting better?"

"He is," I confirm, kissing his other cheek. "He's walking with crutches now, Jamie. You'll be so proud of your daddy!"

The elevator opens and we sign in at the front desk before finding his room. We knock and I smile when I hear him tell us to come in. I know I hear his voice on the phone a lot these days, but it's nothing like hearing his voice in person. I can't wait to see the face that matches that voice.

We swing open the door and I smile as I see him sitting on his bed, a magazine in his hand. He looks up and his jaw drops when he sees me with Jamie in my arms. "Up for a visit?" I ask him, laughing as he just stares.

"Oh my God!" he exclaims, getting up and grabbing his crutches. "Haley! You said you weren't coming for two weeks!"

"We wanted to surprise you, Daddy!" Jamie explains in excitement, squirming to get down. I do what he wants and he runs to Nathan, wrapping his arms around his daddy's leg.

"You sure did," he tells him, sitting back down on the bed so he can hold Jamie. He looks up at me and offers me his cute little side smile. "You can come in, Hales," he says, waving me in. "You don't just have to stand in the doorway."

I smile back, shutting the door behind me. "You look so good, Nathan," I marvel. I watch as Jamie leans back against him, so content to be with his dad again. I'm just sorry that we couldn't see him sooner. Jamie would have loved that. I would have too.

"You look good too." He smirks at me, patting a place on the bed for me. "Your hair's getting long." I go to sit beside him and he fingers a lock of my dark hair. Before I can stop myself, my arms are wrapped around him and Jamie, and tears are pouring down my cheeks. I'm just so happy to see him and be in his embrace again. "Don't cry," he whispers. "You know I don't like to see it."

"Sorry." I sniffle, pulling back to smile at him. "I'm just so glad to be here and I'm so glad you're doing okay. I guess I needed to see it for myself, you know?"

"I know," he says, holding me tightly against him. "I'm glad you did."

"I'm glad too, Mama!" Jamie jumps in, causing us all to laugh. "I think Chester misses you, Daddy!"

Nathan smiles down at our son. "I strangely miss Chester…and by the way, you look huge, Jamie! What's your mom been feeding you?"

"Hmm." He acts like he is deep in thought. "Mostly macaroni and cheese!"

Nathan rolls his eyes. "I should have known," he mutters, kissing my forehead. "You two and that macaroni and cheese. Gross."

"You like it," I reply, nudging him.

This visit is so good, and we haven't even been here three minutes yet. It's kind of like we've never been separated, and that's definitely a good thing. If things felt awkward or weird, I would be seriously concerned. But they're not, and I'm thankful for that.

"No. You like it. I just tolerate it," he retorts.

I smile up at him. "Jamie, tell Daddy about all the different show and tells you've had lately, and how Brooke keeps buying you new toys to take in," I urge him.

Jamie talks and talks for about five minutes about the new toys and how all this kids are jealous of them. Nathan nods and laughs along with him, and I know he's genuinely interested in this. "Hey, Buddy," Nathan says after Jamie's done with his little speech. "You want to go really fast and look at how little everything is in the bathroom there? I'm ready to go back to my own bathroom at our house!" Jamie giggles and takes off and I look at Nathan questioningly. "Lame excuse, I know, but I wanted to get you alone for a few minutes."

"I'm glad," I say sincerely, and I launch myself in his arms. He was holding me before, but not like this. Jamie was in between us so I couldn't hang on as tightly as I'm hanging on now. The crutches that were leaning against the bed fall to the floor, but we both ignore it, just hanging on for dear life. I refuse to cry again, though. He doesn't like it, and I don't want to do it - no matter how happy I am to see him.

"I'm so happy you're here," he whispers in my ear. "You have no idea how much this means to me, Haley."

"It means a lot to me too," I inform him, breathing in his scent. "But I really can't believe you sent our son to look at your bathroom so you could get in a hug with me or whatever."

He laughs at that. "I needed to do something, and there aren't many places he can go around here, you know?"

"I know." I bury my face in his chest, not wanting to let go of him or talk about anything else right now. I just want to be here and be with him. I've been dreaming about it for a month now, and it's nice that my dream is finally becoming a reality.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you," he says after a few minutes of silence. "I miss everything. I miss waking up with you and falling asleep with you after we tuck Jamie in…and I miss taking Jamie to the zoo or to the park and holding hands as he runs ahead of us. I miss the kisses we sneak in every now and then and I miss screwing around when Jamie's not home."

"Nathan!" I laugh and swat at his chest, then sober up. "For the record, I miss it all too."

"How could you not?" he retorts cockily, grinning. "I know that we haven't been those two people for like five months, Haley, but when I come home, we're going to get it all back. It's all going to change," he promises me. Before I can say anything, he's lifting my chin with the tip of his finger so I can look him in the eye. And that is when his lips move over mine in a soft kiss. It's full of promise from him, and it feels damn good.

"Ew, you guys!"

We reluctantly pull apart and I lay my head on Nathan's shoulder as we both turn to look at our wide eyed son. "You don't like it when we kiss, Jamie?" Nathan asks, already knowing the answer.

"No way!" he tells us, shaking his head. "It's icky!"

"You're going to have a girlfriend or a wife one day that you're going to want to kiss all the time too," Nathan notifies him. "And I think you're going to like it."

"But not for a long time," Jamie responds, climbing back up on the bed, ignoring the crutches that are on the floor. "Girls are gross, and I'm only four."

He comes to sit on my lap and I wrap my arms around his waist, holding him tightly against me. "Good boy. Keep that attitude for a long time…maybe until you're like twenty or something."

"No, Mama," he denies me. "You and Daddy got married when you were in high school! It's okay to like girls then!"

"Only if they're special like Mommy was," Nathan says, smiling at me. "Your mommy was the prettiest girl in that whole high school."

I blush at that. "Nathan, stop it!"

"No," he argues. "You were, Hales. You were the prettiest girl there."

"Jamie," I address our son, ignoring Nathan's compliments, "Daddy is trying to butter me up."

"No way." Nathan shakes his head. "I don't need to butter you up. I've got you wrapped around my finger, Mrs. Scott."

I roll my eyes at him. Of course it is the truth, but I'll never admit that to him. It will only add to his cockiness, and Lord knows he has enough of it. "Nathan, maybe you should let us see you on your crutches in action. We only got to see it for like five seconds when we came in."

He nods and bends down to pick up the crutches. Pushing himself to his feet, he places them under his arms and very slowly moves across the room. His feet drag a little, but he's doing it. He's actually walking again.

"Daddy's walking, Mommy!"

I laugh at Jamie's enthusiasm and kiss the top of his head. Jamie starts clapping at how well Nathan is doing, and Nathan's face lights up. "Look at how great he's doing," I marvel.

"Pretty soon, I'll graduate to the cane and then after that, I'll be walking by myself," Nathan explains to us as he sets his crutches down so he can come back to the bed. "I won't have anything to help support me anymore."

"Good job, Daddy!" Jamie tells him, giving him a high five. "That was awesome!"

"Thanks, dude," Nathan says. "What'd you think, Hales? Was I looking good or what?"

"You were looking wonderful."

"I know." He smirks. "How's everything at home?"

"Good," I answer, releasing Jamie so he can go sit with his dad. "Brooke and Chase Adams are basically a couple again. He doesn't live in Tree Hill so it's hard, but they're doing really well. Peyton's stuck in the Lucas drama again because he and Lindsey are so messed up right now. Skills and Mouth and the rest of the guys are good. And the house is great. We've had no major problems there. No fires, floods, tornadoes, whatever."

He nods, satisfied with what I've just said. "What about you, Jimmy Jam? Things are good with school?"

"Yeah! Mommy says I'm the smartest boy in my class!"

"I'll bet you are," he agrees. "How's the Katie Brown girl? She still isn't trying to kiss you, is she?"

"The teacher finally caught her and made her stop," he answers, shrugging.

Nathan and I both burst out laughing at his attitude about it. He acts like it's not a big thing - like girls try to kiss him every single day. We both know that's not the case, but the way he acts nonchalant about it is so…Jamie. He's such a unique little mixture of the two of us, and I wouldn't want him any other way. We really lucked out with this one.

"Good," I tell him when I quit laughing. "You're too little for your first kiss."

"That's what I told her!" he exclaims, his blue eyes wide.

We have some more family time for about an hour, and then Deb comes to pick up Jamie. She stays and chats with Nathan for a few minutes, giving him a big hug and kiss. Then she takes Jamie with her, scooping him up on her hip and telling him jokes as they leave the room. It's hard for him to leave his dad, and it's obvious that Deb is trying to make it easier on him.

After we wave them goodbye, Nathan tells me about a family meeting that is going on tonight. He told me that he was going to go himself and just take notes for me and everyone else that needs to know, but now I can go with him because of our surprise. I guess there is a dinner where the family can meet the counselors and doctors, then there's a meeting about how to keep your loved one sober after that.

I plan on going with him. I think it's good for me to go, but I can't help but feel a little nervous. This is something I've obviously never gone through before. I think things are going to be pretty strict in terms of keeping Nathan sober, and I'm scared to find out what those terms are. I just want to be able to do and be everything Nathan needs when he comes home, and I'm not sure I can do that. I mean, I don't know right now because I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, but once I find out, I hope I can do it. For Nathan. And for me too, I guess.

We eat dinner together, and to my surprise, there is no tension or weirdness between the two of us. I figured there would be, considering where we are, but there's not, and for that I am grateful. After that, we head into a big room with what seems like a thousand chairs.

Nathan decides he wants to sit in the back, and that's fine with me. If we were up front, I'd be afraid we'd get called on or something. I don't want to talk in front of other people. I know as a teacher, that's my job, but I'd rather not tonight.

"Ready for this?" he asks me, taking a deep breath.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I tell him, squeezing his hand. "I want to do everything I can to help you, Nathan."

"You have been, Haley," he assures me. "You got me to rehab, and you've supported me. You're coming to this meeting, and you let me visit with Jamie. You're doing everything to help me. Thank you."

I smile at him. "I'd do anything for you. You know that."

"Yeah," he replies, leaning in to give me a quick kiss on my lips. "Same here."

A few minutes later, a man stands up in the front of the room, introducing himself as Tanner Stuart, a recovered alcoholic. He's apparently been sober for ten years, and that makes me excited for Nathan…seeing if he can make it that far. Which I'm sure he can.

"First of all, let me just say thank you for coming," he addresses the big group. "Recovery begins with the family, so it's great that all of you came to be with your loved ones this evening. Alcoholism is a form of denial, and if the family accepts this, and refuses to help, the alcoholic will most likely die. But since all of you are here now to support the people you love, they have a much higher rate of beating this thing. So thank you all.

"Basically, the main problem we deal with during alcoholism is gaining knowledge about the disease. Because that's what it is - a disease. After you learn about it, you have to have the emotional maturity and courage to put what you know into effect. You have to be responsible and especially if you're a spouse or parent, you'll probably need more counseling for the recovery to be completely launched. This is because alcoholism has such an emotional impact on families."

He goes on to tell us about all kinds of problems that happen in families because of this disease. One that really sticks out to me is how spouses of the alcoholic are blamed for everything wrong in their marriage. And eventually, they reach the point where they feel they're really at fault, and that's because it's been drilled into their head for so long. But spouses are about as responsible for alcoholism as they are for cancer or some other disease like that. Spouses aren't responsible for the disease but they may play a role in not getting their partner to rehab or helping them avoid treatment.

I sometimes fear that I did that with Nathan. I knew he had a problem, but I was afraid and I let it go unnoticed for a while. I just let him sit on the couch or in his chair while I ignored him or went to work or played with Jamie. And then I just left him because of how he was acting, but looking back, that might not have been the best idea. I left him at the lowest point in his life - the point where he really needed someone to stop the train wreck his life was becoming. I don't blame myself for his drinking, but I know I could have handled it better in the beginning.

The best way to help your loved one stay sober is to remove the ignorance about the disease from your life, according to Tanner. He says that if a family is willing to learn the facts about the illness and put them into action, recovery and sobriety chances are greatly increased. That makes me glad, because I am doing what I can for Nathan. I'm learning about the disease, and I'm here now, trying to help him through all of it.

"Recovery doesn't start until a person is able to break away from the bottle completely," he announces to us. "All of you are here now, and obviously off the bottle, but once you return home, it all depends on if you return to drinking or not. If you don't, then you're in recovery. And congratulations to you. The choices about whether to drink or not are up to you - the drinker - and not your families. Choices have to be made by you, and if you want your sobriety to remain permanent, make the right choice. Stay away from drinking."

He also tells us that alcohol is like an anesthetic. Once an alcoholic takes a drink, the pain in their life is soothed. I can definitely understand that, because Nathan had a lot of pain in his life. His dreams were taken away, and he needed to stop feeling bad about that. Although I don't condone what he did, I kind of get it now.

After the meeting is over, we go out to the lobby. I figure it is time for me to go and get back to Jamie. I've been here all day with him, and we have a long drive tomorrow. "Too bad I can't escape with you," he mutters, balancing on his crutches once we get out there.

"Tell me about it," I reply, looking up at him. I don't have to look up as high as I used to when he was standing though, considering he is on these crutches now. But it's a lot better than looking down at him in a wheelchair. "You're doing so well, Nathan, and I'm so glad I went to this meeting with you. I learned a lot."

"Me too," he replies, giving me his lopsided smile. "I'm glad you were here. I can't do this without you."

"I know," I respond. I am promising myself from here on out that no matter how hard things get with us, I'm not going to walk out on him again. That wasn't necessarily the best choice for us, and I see it now…even though Nathan understands why I did it, and he's glad I did. "Keep working on walking, alright? Pretty soon you'll be able to chase Jamie around the yard again."

"I'd like that." He caresses my cheek gently and I close my eyes briefly, just letting myself feel him again. "Hey, when it's okay for me to leave here, I want you to pick me up, Hales. I know Luke's probably expecting me to ask him again because he took me, but…I want it to be you. You're the first person I want to see when I get out of here."

"Then it will be me," I say, opening my eyes again. "I promise."

"Thanks." He leans down and kisses me.

Once we break apart, I decide to tell him what I'd been thinking about earlier. "I just want you to know that I kind of understand why you did it now."

He shakes his head at me, confused. "Did what?"

"Drink," I answer simply, watching his reaction.

"Ah." He nods. "It was wrong, Hales, whether you understand it or not."

"That man said that alcohol is like an anesthetic. It takes the pain away, and you had a lot of it back then, Nathan…you still do. And I just want you to know that I kind of get it now. I get that it was helping to soothe you, and I don't like it, but you did what you did."

"Well thank you, I guess." He shrugs. "It doesn't change anything with you getting it now, but…I'm glad you do."

"Okay, well." I look at my watch and back to him. "I have to go. I'm going to have to wake Jamie up early, and you know he hates when I wake him up. He's worse than his father."

"Hey!" He pretends to be wounded. "I am not that bad!"

I raise an eyebrow. "Wanna bet?"

"Not really." He grins.

"Well then, in that case, I'll just wait till you come home and I'll remind you all about it."

"I can't wait," he says honestly and seriously. I know he means it. I know he can't wait until he's home with us, and to be honest, I can't wait either.

"I better get going," I say with a pout. "Lord knows what your mom and Jamie are up to. I love you, Nathan," I tell him, stretching up for a soft kiss.

"I love you too, baby."

As I'm pulling out of the parking lot, I reflect on the meeting and what Tanner Stuart said. He told us about cases where love was just completely destroyed. A patient would go home and his marriage and family life weren't the same, and they just fell apart. The love wasn't there anymore, and I realize how lucky Nathan and I are. Things are really hard, but the love between us was never lost. And when he comes home, the love will still be there…unlike some of the other people in that meeting. Despite everything, we are lucky to still love each other the way we do. And I am so thankful for that.


	16. Chapter 16

"Good morning, Mama!"

I roll over in my bed and find myself face to face with my little boy. Actually, he's really not that little anymore. He's four and half now, and that's so crazy. It seems like just yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital and arguing about what his nickname was going to be. We always figured James was too grown up sounding, but we fought for a while on what we would call him besides that. We never really came down to one specific nickname, and that's why he has so many.

"Good morning to you too." I yawn and smile at him before reaching over and tickling him. He squeals and squirms away from me, but I pull him back and just tickle him.

"Stop, Mama!" he cries out.

"Tell me that I'm the best mommy ever and that you love me, and I'll stop," I bargain with him.

"You're the best mommy ever and I love you," he repeats dutifully, and I let him go. "Thanks!" he blows out, a look of relief on his face.

"You're welcome. Now what are you doing up so early, mister? You and Daddy are pretty much on the same sleep schedule, and I'm willing to bet that your daddy's not up this early."

"No, I bet he is," he argues with me. "He called me this morning!"

"He called you? Why didn't I hear the phone ring?"

"You were sleeping so I hurried up and answered it so you didn't wake up," he explains, shrugging.

Huh. I must have been in a pretty deep sleep to not hear the phone ring. I'm a pretty light sleeper these days, especially with Nathan being away. Then again, I was dreaming about him so it's kind of understandable that I didn't wake up.

"Well what did he have to say? And why didn't he want to talk to me?" I ask him, kissing the top of his head.

"I told him you were sleeping, and he said to not wake you up. He told me to tell lots of jokes to Uncle Lucas, and try to remember the dumb ones that Uncle Lucas tells me so when he calls, I can tell him about them."

"Your daddy's not very nice to Uncle Lucas sometimes," I mutter, shaking my head. "He's silly, huh?"

"Yeah," Jamie agrees, nodding. "I wonder if I'll be silly like Daddy when you guys have another baby!"

My jaw drops slightly at that statement. So Jamie, along with Nathan, has thought about having another baby in this family? Jeez. I must be way behind or something. But then again, maybe I'm just not ready. And we all have to be ready for that to happen.

"You want me and Daddy to have another baby?" I ask gently, rubbing a hand over his blonde hair.

"Sometimes," he admits, shrugging. "It would be kinda cool, and besides, I'm the only kid in my class with no brothers or sisters!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry." I roll my eyes at him, causing him to giggle. "But I think you're pretty lucky with no brothers or sisters! All of your aunts and uncles are older than me, and I know they got annoyed with me pretty quickly when I was a little girl. I used to steal their toys and pull their hair!"

"Mommy!" he exclaims in surprise. "You pulled hair?"

"Yep," I admit to him, smiling at the memory. Despite all the hair pulling and being the baby and my parents leaving as soon as I married Nathan, I had a good childhood. It was full of fun and good times…especially when my siblings were around. Except Taylor. Ugh. I shudder at the thought of my childhood with her. "I bet if you were around their kids though when you were younger, you probably would have pulled their hair too."

"Bet not!" he argues with me, bouncing a little on the bed. "I am the best kid in the whole world! Daddy and Brooke always say so!"

"Fine," I relent, tickling him a little. "You are the best kid ever! I don't know why I thought differently."

"Me either." He shrugs his shoulders and then swings his little legs off the bed. "I'm going to go feed Chester."

After eating breakfast together, Jamie retreats to his bedroom, and I go about reading the newspaper. I move onto the classified ads, grinning when I see the ad for Chocolate Lab puppies. I think one of those would be perfect for Jamie. They get big, but we have a big yard, and I'm sure we could handle it.

I call the number in the paper, and find out that they have two puppies left. I ask them to hold them for me, willing to put up a good amount of money. Jamie wants a dog so badly, and I love the way Chocolate Labs look. The woman tells me that the extra money to hold onto them isn't necessary, and that they will be around all day. I tell her we'll be over shortly.

After my shower, I make sure Jamie's dressed and has brushed teeth and combed hair, and I have him go get in the car. He questions me on where we're going, but I tell him it's a surprise. He frowns but goes along with it, and eventually, we pull up to a little yellow house with a wooden fence in the backyard.

I lift Jamie from his car seat and keep him on my hip as I ring the doorbell. He doesn't know where we are, and just in case a full grown lab comes running at him, I don't want him to get knocked over. A lady who must be in her mid fifties greets us, a big smile on her friendly face.

"Hi there," she says happily. "I'm Melanie Persinger."

"Haley Scott," I say, offering her my hand. "And this is my son, Jamie. Jamie actually has no idea what we're here for," I inform her, bouncing him on my hip.

"Really?" She raises her eyebrows at Jamie. "I bet you're curious, huh?"

"Oh yes," he replies, nodding his head ferociously.

"Well, why don't you two follow me to the backyard? I think that will clear some things up for you." She winks at me and I follow her in, setting Jamie down so I can hold his hand instead. He really isn't the easiest to carry for a long time anymore. Of course, Nathan could probably do it. He's ten times stronger than I am.

She opens up her back door, and we are greeted by two little brown dogs running up as soon as we step in the yard. I laugh when Jamie bends down to pet them. He's smiling like crazy right now, and I am so glad I have my camera with me. I pull it out of my purse and snap a few shots of him cuddling with the dogs. When they start running around, Jamie follows them.

"He's really sweet with them," Melanie says to me, both of us keeping an eye on Jamie. It's the sweetest thing in the world - the way he is with those dogs.

"I know," I agree, smiling at my son. I take another picture and turn back to her. "How old are they?"

"Eight and a half weeks," she answers. "Their mom's about four, and their dad's a year older than that. Emma and Wiley," she tells me their names. "I had my husband take them to the groomer's when you called. You said you had a young son, and I didn't want them to pounce on him or anything."

"Thank you for that," I tell her. It really was thoughtful. "Are these boys or girls?" I ask, indicating the puppies that Jamie's still chasing after.

"Both girls," she replies. "The last boy was sold two days ago. There were only four puppies actually. Two boys, two girls."

"I feel awful about having to split them up," I admit to her, cringing at the thought of it. "It's just…I don't know how my husband would feel about two puppies in our house. He wasn't too thrilled when our son wanted a bunny at the age of three."

"But he got him one?" she asks me, smiling.

"Oh, of course. Nathan can't refuse Jamie anything."

"Then he probably wouldn't mind," she says. She's probably right. Nathan did say he was fine with Jamie having a dog. I think he was just a little apprehensive about the responsibility, but Jamie is great about taking care of Chester. I couldn't have done that when I was his age.

The thought of having two puppies is a little overwhelming, and I know that it will be pretty hard with just me there. Jamie will help all he can, and he'll do what I ask him to do, but he's just a little boy, and I don't expect him to take all the responsibility. Nathan will probably flip, but I want to do this for Jamie. I want to give back to him for all we've been putting him through.

I'm going to do this. I'm buying my son two puppies. And girl puppies, none the less. Oh, it's going to be so much fun as they get older.

"I think that I'm going to have to take them both," I say to her. "Especially if there's only going to be one left. I hate to do that to them…splitting up siblings."

"They do thrive better if they're together," she says to me. "But if you don't think you can handle that, then I would advise against it."

"No, I think we can handle it. It's just going to take some adjusting."

A few hours later, after purchasing two new dogs and going to the pet store to get a cage and toys and food, along with collars and housebreaking pads, we end up in the backyard watching as the two puppies play together. Jamie let me pick out the names for them. He said he had no idea what to name a girl puppy, let alone two. So I went with Sadie and Sophie. I think those are adorable names, and I used to want a dog named Sophie. Sadie just went along with that.

Brooke comes into the backyard, stopping dead in her tracks when she sees the dogs. "What in God's name are those?" she asks, pointing to the puppies.

"They're my new puppies, Brooke!" Jamie says happily. "Mommy named them Sadie and Sophie!"

"Hmm." She nods and sits next to me on the steps. "What made you decide to get two?" she asks when Jamie goes to join the girls.

I smile as he rolls over, letting the dogs bite at his shirt a little. "They're sisters, and they were the only two left. I couldn't split them up."

"Oh. That makes sense," she tells me. I know she's not real thrilled with us having two dogs. She isn't a big pet person. In fact, she can barely handle Chester sometimes. And he doesn't bite at ankles or yip and yap when she walks in the door. "What kind are they?"

"Chocolate Labs."

"Chocolate Labs?!" Her eyes widen. "Oh my God! Don't those things get like…huge?"

"Yeah," I admit, laughing a little. "But I think Jamie's going to love it. And I'll love it too. He's already so sweet with them, Brooke."

"What'd Nathan say?"

"He, um, he doesn't know yet," I admit to her. A look of shock crosses her face, and I wince at that a little. "I think he'll understand when I explain the situation to him. He knew I was planning on getting Jamie a dog."

"I want to be around when he finds out!" she squeals. "I hope he doesn't get pissed at you!"

"He's not going to get pissed at me." I roll my eyes. "In fact, I think he'll be glad that Jamie's so happy." As if he knew we were talking about him, my cell phone rings, and I check the caller ID, seeing it is Nathan. "Speak of the devil," I mutter to Brooke, flipping open my phone. "Hey," I answer.

"Hey yourself," he replies. "I tried to call the house, but no one answered. Where are you guys?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Nathan," I say. "Brooke and I are in the backyard with Jamie and I didn't hear the phone ring in the house…I didn't even think to bring it out here with me. We've been a little preoccupied."

"It's cool," he mutters. "Preoccupied? What have you been preoccupied with?"

"Um…" I take a deep breath. I'm going to have to tell him sooner or later, and I think sooner is probably the best route to take. He should be okay with this, and not all pissed off like Brooke seems to think. Oh God. Now I'm really questioning on getting Jamie two puppies.

"Hales?" he prods.

"I, uh…remember how we talked about getting Jamie a dog? And you said it was okay as long as I realized he couldn't handle all the responsibility?"

"Yeah," he says slowly. "What did you go and do?"

"I bought Jamie a dog," I rush out quickly. I pause a minute, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't. "Nathan?"

"Okay," he says, "we talked about that."

"I bought him two dogs!" I close my eyes as that sentence comes out. I'm glad I don't have to see his face right now. That might make things just a little bit worse.

"Two?" he questions me, his voice low.

I sigh a little. He doesn't sound thrilled. I mean, I wasn't expecting him to be over the moon, but a little happiness would be nice. "Yeah. They're sisters, Nathan, and they were the only two left. I couldn't split them up."

He scoffs a little at that. "Haley, do you realize how much work those dogs are going to be? How much training and time you're going to have to put into them?"

"Well, I - "

"No, let me finish," he interrupts me, and I can tell he's pissed that I did this without his permission. Oops. "They're going to need so much training, and time, and seriously, when was the last time you even had a dog? Because in all the years I've known you, you haven't had one. Puppies are hard work, and two puppies? It's going to be even more work. I can't believe you didn't think of this stuff before you went out and bought them!"

I shake my head at him and then look at Brooke, rolling my eyes. She smiles sympathetically, and then excuses herself to go see the dogs a little closer. Maybe she'll fall in love with them the way Jamie is. That would be a surprise. But a nice one. "Are you seriously acting like this?" I snap at him when Brooke is out of hearing range. "This is ridiculous, Nathan. This is about your son, and what he wanted. He loves them! You should see the way he is with them!"

"I don't give a shit," he growls lowly, and my mouth drops open. He hasn't acted like this since before he went to rehab. His temper hasn't been like this since then. And then I wonder if he really is in rehab, or he snuck out somehow to get a drink or something. It's been known to happen. In fact, his doctor warned me about that.

"Nathan, are you…" I trail off. "Please don't tell me you're drinking."

He laughs. He has the audacity to laugh at my question. "Are you kidding me? I'm in a fucking rehab facility, Haley! There's bars on my goddamn windows! How the hell would I get a drink?"

"I can't believe you're laughing," I mutter. "After everything we've been through, you're laughing? Wow."

"Well what else am I supposed to do? If I don't do that, I'm just going to yell at you for being completely irresponsible!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," he snaps at me, and I have to wonder where all of this anger is coming from. Surely it's not over two harmless dogs that are making his son incredibly happy right now. "You have to be at work all the time because you nearly lost your job! Now what do you think is going to happen? You're going to be excused because you have puppies at home? Fat chance, Haley."

"God," I blow out. "I don't expect that at all. But I do get to leave on my lunch break," I remind him. "I can come home and check on them and let them out…Lucas will help out, Jamie will do what he can. I bet even Peyton and Lindsey would come over if I asked them to."

"They're your responsibility! Don't put that off on other people!"

"Okay, you know what? This is not about two harmless animals that Jamie is falling in love with! What is this really about, Nathan? Something has you ticked, and I know it's not me."

He sighs and the phone goes silent for several minutes. Obviously I've hit the nail on the head here, and I just wait for him. I don't want to push him, but I'd like for him to tell me whatever it is that's got him so tweaked.

"I had a bad session today," he says finally.

"What happened?" I ask gently, knowing that if he is offering me that information, he probably wants to tell me the rest. It will be hard for him, but I'm sure he can do it.

"I just…learned some things about myself that really make me suck, you know?"

"You don't suck," I reply. "What things?"

"I…" He hesitates, and my heart's really going out to him. I wish I was there with him right now. It would probably be great if he had someone there who loved him. "I just realized what a failure I am," he says finally, and he sounds so weak and broken when he says it.

"What?" I choke out, unbelieving. "Nathan, you are not a failure!"

"Yes, I am," he argues with me, "I failed you and Jamie when I picked up that bottle. I failed Whitey back in high school when I was point shaving, and I failed myself and my teammates that I really hadn't even met yet and all of my family and friends when I got in the fight that night!" He sighs. "Damn, Haley, do you get why I'm a failure now?"

"You are not a failure," I repeat again. "You have so many achievements, Nathan, and you're still so young. There is still so much you could do."

"Like what?" he scoffs. "I'll be like…like a stay at home dad, and I'm sorry, but I would feel like such a lame ass. I'm not good at anything, Haley! Basketball was it for me, and you know that!"

"Well so what?" I retort. "You don't have basketball, but there's plenty of other things you're good at! You can do so much, Nathan. You can coach with Lucas, I'm sure, or you could even get a job at another school…and you know Jamie and I would move to support you in a heartbeat."

"I don't want that for you!" He sighs tiredly, and I can just see him right now, running a hand through his hair or over his face or some other move he likes to do when he's aggravated or upset. "You shouldn't have to switch your lives around because I fucked up! I mean, God, Haley, you already moved him out of our house once. That should have never happened."

"If this is another way of yelling at me because I took Jamie out of the house when you specifically told me to, - "

"No, it's not!" he interrupts angrily. "This is about me fucking every single thing in my life up, and in turn, fucking up yours, our son's and anyone's who ever gave a damn about me!"

"Where is this coming from?" I ask softly, shaking my head. "What happened at this session, Nathan?"

"We had to go back," he says quietly, possibly ashamed that he's acting this way. "We had to go back through every hard time in our lives, and try to pinpoint exactly when it was we started drinking and why, and I thought, oh hey, this is easy. I was a freshman when I started. You know, varsity basketball players drank. It was the thing to do."

"Go on," I urge him.

"Well then the counselor tells us that our problems started most likely because something in our life was screwed up, and I realized that my entire life has been screwed up. Dan screwed me up so badly in high school, and I just sat there and took it, and I was an ass back then too. Remember that? I was a cheating, lying, son of a bitch basketball player."

"Nathan," I address, "you're not that guy anymore."

"I know," he agrees with me. "But I was an ass and my father was an ass, and that's probably when my addiction started. It was just dormant for a long time, and when we got together, yeah, I knocked it off, but I picked it right back up when things went wrong. When you left me? I drank all the time. I was in jail for it, Haley! When I didn't get my dream, I drank! Everything bad leads back to drinking."

"Maybe this is a good thing," I tell him, hoping he doesn't get angry with me for saying that. "I know it's hard to hear, but you knew going in that you were going to hear things you didn't want. But maybe now that you've realized these things, you can stop them. You'll know next time. You'll know not to pick up that bottle when something goes wrong."

"Well nothing better go wrong for a long time," he retorts. "I won't be able to handle it, Haley. I swear I'll just pick up another bottle."

My heart sinks at that. Here I was, thinking he was doing so well that he might even get to come home a little early. But after being at that place a month with no alcohol, and he's still wanting it, or expecting to drink when he comes home, then he's not ready. Not by a long shot. And that breaks my heart.

"Then stay there," I order in a gentle tone. "Stay there until you're sure you won't. Because, um, hello? We live in Tree Hill. Bad things always happen around here."

"That's true," he agrees, and manages to laugh a little. That makes me feel slightly better. "I'm sorry I'm putting this on you, Hales. I know how ready you are for me to come home. I know you were kind of expecting it to be soon."

"Maybe," I allow, "but if you're not ready, then I don't want you to come home. I know you said that you wanted to be good and ready, and sure that you weren't going to take another drink. And if you're not, then don't come home, Nathan, it's as simple as that."

"Thanks for understanding," he says in a near whisper.

"Thanks for being honest," I respond, smiling a little. "So really, this dog thing? If you're that mad, I'll make up an excuse to Jamie…it'll break his little heart, but - "

"Keep the dogs, Hales," he orders. "You obviously want them as much as Jamie does."

"Oh, they're just so cute," I practically squeal in his ear. "They're little Chocolate Labs!"

"Chocolate Labs?" he groans. "Hales, those things are going to be monsters!"

"No way," I deny that. "Sadie and Sophie are not going to be monsters. I'm sure you're going to fall in love with them as soon as you see them."

"Sadie and Sophie?" he repeats. "Um, I really hope you named them. Otherwise, I'm going to have to have a serious talk with Jamie. Remind him that he's supposed to be more…masculine."

I laugh. "I named them. Jamie had all kinds of names picked out for boy dogs. Just not little girl ones."

"Yeah, I can see that," he says, chuckling a little. "Jamie's pretty good at the boy stuff. Not so much the girl."

"And that's a good thing," I remind him, laughing. "But hey, Brooke is here, and she's probably tired of me talking on the phone. She went over to see the dogs where Jamie is, and you know she doesn't really like them. I should get over there with her or call her back over here."

"Yeah," he agrees. "Tell her hi for me, and tell Jamie I love him."

"I will," I assure him. "I love you too, Nathan."

"I was about to say I loved you!" he exclaims, laughing. "But you beat me to it."

"So sorry."

"I love you, Hales," he says softly, gently. "I can't wait to see you again."

"Me either," I murmur, telling him that I love him one more time before hanging up.

Things are improving, I think. Maybe not as quickly as I'd like them to, but with every passing day, Nathan gets better. He's able to be honest with me about his addiction, and I really appreciate that. I would hate for him to come home to just fall off the wagon, and hurt us all again. I'll stand by him and do whatever he needs me to do. I don't care how long it takes for him to be okay again.

I'm standing up to go over to my son and my friend when the back door opens, and I turn around, seeing Lucas. "Luke!" I cheer in greeting, stopping though, when I see how stricken he looks. "Shit, Lucas. Why do you look like that?"

"Um." He shakes his head at me and looks across the lawn to where Brooke and Jamie are waving ferociously at him. "I see you got dogs," he mutters, dropping down on the steps where I just was.

Sighing, I sit back down there. "Sadie and Sophie," I supply with a small smile on my face. He tries to smile back, but it doesn't really work out for him.

"I think Lindsey and I are done."

"What?" I gape at him; I know I do. "How can you be done? Lucas, you love her!"

"I know," he replies, the anguish so apparent in his voice. "I know I do, but things just aren't working out anymore, Haley. I can't keep doing this, and neither can she."

"If that's how the two of you feel, then…then this is okay, Luke. If it's what you guys need to do, then do it. And who knows. Maybe one day you'll find your way back to each other."

"Like you and my little brother?" he asks, smiling a little.

"Yes, like me and your little brother," I repeat. "We have found our way back to each other a few times now, Lucas, and you know what? Once we have, it's like all that time was never lost. Maybe you and Lindsey just need a break for now .Maybe one day, you can try again."

Lucas nods, and starts looking at our pool, which I had closed a few weeks ago. While it's not entirely cold out here, I don't like to leave the pool open year round. Plus, I have a four year old son running around it, and I really don't want to have to worry about him falling in while I'm not looking. Or I guess when Nathan's not looking. When he comes home, that is.

Lucas's problem kind of makes me think about Nathan and myself. We were so close to losing it all. We were close to losing our marriage and each other, and that really would have been a shame. We've worked so hard all these years to keep everything together, and if it all got torn apart, I would be devastated. I know he would be too. I am so glad that we're getting on the path back to each other and Nathan is slowly becoming the person he used to be. It's all I could hope for right now, and you know what? I think my hopes are slowly becoming reality.


	17. Chapter 17

_I snuggle against Nathan's chest, the fabric from his tux rubbing against my cheek. He's holding me so close right now, and I love the feeling. I love how I feel when I'm in his arms. "I'm always gonna remember this," I tell him, breathing in his scent._

_"Honey Grove?" he asks, stroking my long hair._

_"No." I shake my head slightly. "How much I love you right now." He sighs in contentment, and in this moment, I realize that my life can't get much better than this. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and a son on the way…I couldn't ask for anything more than this._

I groan when the alarm goes off on my nightstand, waking me up from my wonderful dream. I haven't thought of that night in Honey Grove when we crashed that other high school's prom in vintage clothes in a long time. That was always one of my favorite memories of Nathan. He really opened up to me that night about being a father, and we just relished the time we had together then.

Ever since then, life's been so hectic. It never stops. We had Jamie not too long after that, graduated, and went to college. Then it was all about diaper duty and basketball and studying. Then we moved to Tree Hill and it was still all about basketball. But honestly, I love my life. I love the way things turned out with Nathan, minus the alcoholism.

Nathan has been in rehab for officially two months today, and when he called last night, he informed me that while he was "dying to come home," he just wasn't quite ready. He said that he wanted to give it a few more weeks, just to be sure of himself. I guess that's understandable, and I knew it would probably happen, but it still sucks. Jamie misses him. I miss him. And we both want him home.

Lucas took a vacation in South Carolina for a few days last week. Now that he and Lindsey have ended things, he needed to get away, and I think that was really good for him. Deb generously offered him a room at her place, and he accepted it, telling her that since he couldn't really write another book at the moment, and that he was just a small town basketball coach, he didn't have that much money to drop on a hotel room for several nights. She just laughed and told him that he was welcome there anytime.

I think he had fun while he was there. I know he drove out to Myrtle Beach a few times, presumably just relaxing, and I am really hoping that I can make it there this summer, even though we have beaches near our house now. I think there's something special about a beach you don't get to see often, even if it is just a state away.

He also spent a lot of time with Nathan, and Nathan was thrilled about that. I think they both were. That brotherly bond they had worked so hard to build up was just lost when Nathan started drinking so heavily, and I think they both missed it, even though it was really hard for Nathan to admit that to himself, and to Lucas probably too. Lucas attended a few sessions with him, and I think Nathan really appreciated that he had someone there besides his wife to go to those things with. Deb has offered to go, but Nathan always politely declines, telling her that she knows everything there is to know. And she kind of does. She was in rehab once too. She still goes to her own meetings sometimes.

On the work front for me, it's great. Principal Turner even complimented me the other day. He said he and all the other school board members have noticed that even though things are still not perfect, I've made an effort to be at work every day, and they all really appreciate that. And you know what? I'm proud of myself for making it better. I've only taken a half day off since that little impromptu speech of the principal's, and that was because Jamie and I had dentist appointments. That was one of those excused absences.

Jamie and the dogs have been absolutely fabulous. Granted, they go to the bathroom on my hardwood floor a bit too many times during the day, but at least it is hardwood. It doesn't stain if I clean it all up right away, and I can only imagine what it would be like to have carpet. They sleep in cages in Jamie's room usually, but sometimes, at about four in the morning, he'll come into my bed, complaining about how they're whining. And then I have to get up and take them out. But it's not that bad. I could only imagine having a baby and two dogs that get up early in the morning like that too. Then we'd have a problem.

I groan as I get out of bed. I want to just stay here a few more minutes and think about Honey Grove some more. That was probably the last best night we had together before Jamie was born. Actually, I don't want to think about Honey Grove…I'd like to dream about it. That makes it so much more real.

In this moment, all I want to do is see Nathan. I just want to remind him of all the good times we had, including Honey Grove, and so that is what I decide to do. I'll make a spur of the moment trip to South Carolina over the weekend and just be with him. I'm sure Jamie can stay with Luke or Brooke, and that way Nathan and I can just have some time to discuss everything we need to before he comes home. Which will hopefully be soon.

Jamie comes into my room a few minutes later, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Hi Mama," he mumbles, and I can tell he's still pretty tired. "I thought you were still sleeping."

"I thought you were still sleeping!" I retort, wrapping my arms around him when he climbs onto the bed with me. "You're up early, buddy."

"I was thinking about Daddy," he says, smiling a little.

Oh, him too? Hmm. "You were?" I question softly, rubbing a hand over his head when he lays it against my shoulder. "What about Daddy?"

He shrugs. "Just that I miss him and want him to come home."

"Me too, baby," I agree. "But I'm sure he'll be home soon. He's just wrapping things up there…making sure he's well enough to come home and be your daddy again."

"I hope it's soon," he says, and I can't help but agree with him. "Uncle Luke's really fun, Mama, but I want Daddy too."

"I want Daddy too," I respond, kissing the top of his head. "But you know what? I think I'm going to go see him this weekend, and make sure he's ready to come home. We're going to see if you can stay with Uncle Luke or Brooke. What do you think about that?"

"Hmm. How about Brooke?" he says a minute later after thinking it over. I know it's a tough decision. They both spoil him rotten. "She lets me have ice cream all the time!"

"She does?" I inquire. "You're a pretty lucky boy, Jamie Scott."

"I know," he tells me. His face gets serious then. "Go get ready for work, Mama! We're going to be late!"

He really is a genius.

---

I knock on the door to Nathan's room, the excitement building up inside me. I really cannot wait to see him. I know we saw him not too long ago, but if I don't get to see him every day, something is just not right in my life. I just want to launch myself at him when he opens this door.

He does so a few seconds later, and his jaw hits the floor. I swear it does. "Hales!" he exclaims, his arms opening automatically for me to step into. I do, and I probably almost knock him over with all the force I put into it. "Hi baby," he says into my hair as he holds me tight.

"Hi yourself," I reply, snuggling into his chest. "Surprise!"

"You're damn right it's a surprise!" he says happily, holding me tighter. "You keep getting me with these surprises!"

"I try." I pull away from him and smile, looking into his deep blue eyes. "How are you doing?"

"So much better now that you're here," he tells me and gently pulls me into his room. He shuts the door behind him and then presses his lips to mine. "It's so good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, Nathan," I reply, kissing him again. "You look wonderful…really healthy. I like it."

"I'm glad to hear that. Notice anything else?" he asks. I shake my head and look him over, trying to figure out what else is different about him. His hair is longer - the way he had it the night of the accident. It's shaggy, but it's not as long as it was our senior year of high school. Although I'd prefer the shorter haircut, I like this on him. He's still muscular, and from what I've heard, there's a weight room around here somewhere, and I'm sure he's worked frustrations out there a time or two. Then I notice that there aren't any crutches. There isn't a cane or anything.

"Nathan!" I cheer. "You're walking!"

"Yep!" He grins down at me, and his smile just lights up the room. He's so happy, and he's got good reason to be. This is such a big accomplishment, and it makes me so proud of him.

"Good for you!" I wrap my arms around his waist and pull back to get a good look at his face. "I mean that. Congratulations. That's such a big accomplishment considering where you were not too long ago."

"Well I did it for you, Hales," he says sincerely and I nod. We go and sit on his bed and he keeps an arm around me, just like he did last time I was here. "Did you bring Jamie?"

"No." I shake my head. "I just figured it should be me and you for once. You'll come home and be with him all the time and we won't have alone time. Jamie won't let us." Nathan smiles at that. "I figured we should just discuss everything that needs to be done or whatever before you come home."

"Good idea." He nods at me. "But we don't have to do all that now. We can just be together. You're here for the night, right?"

"Yes," I confirm. "I'm staying at your mom's place. She's really great about it too."

"Good. God knows all the things we did for her back when we were kids, Haley. She should let you stay in her house."

"Well she did so there aren't problems there," I reply. "You want to know what I dreamt about the other night?"

"Always," he answers immediately and I smile.

"Honey Grove," I say, watching as he smiles. "I dreamt about when we were in that gazebo and I was pissed at Brooke, but you did whatever you could just to make me forget all the crap that had happened. You made me realize that life couldn't get much better than the way it was right then."

"That was a good night," he says, stretching out on the bed a little. "Crashing prom."

"Yes, that was the highlight of my night too," I say sarcastically as I roll my eyes at him.

"Oh, I'm teasing you," he mutters, rolling his eyes right back at me. "The best part of that night was sex in the hotel room before we left."

"Nathan!" I gasp and swat at his chest.

He laughs at me in that adorable way of his. "I'm kidding with you, Haley! Everything about that night was good because I was with you! It was like the last chance we had to be kids before all the shit with point shaving hit the fan."

"Ugh," I groan at that. Those point shaving days sucked. I got hit by a car for crying out loud! "It was a good night though…that was part of the reason I wanted to come see you…just to remind you that even though we're going through all of this bad right now, there was still a lot of good back then."

He nods and then kisses the top of my head. "Favorite memory of us?"

"Seriously?" I blink up at him and he nods. "I have to pick just one? Nathan, there are too many to pick just one!"

"Top three then," he suggests and I roll my eyes. "Still too many to pick from?"

"Yes," I answer. "We had so many good times, Nathan. And there's so many more to come…I don't know how to just pick one memory that makes me the happiest. They all make me really happy."

"I know what you mean," he says and then sighs. "Remember when you got your tattoo and didn't tell me?" He laughs. "I was so mad at you!"

"I know." I roll my eyes. "You shouldn't have been! It was like a declaration of my love for you!"

"Well, I know that now," he retorts. "But back then, I had no idea why you would go and do that! God, you wouldn't have sex with me, but you went and permanently marked your body with my jersey number! I didn't know what to think!"

"You love my tattoo," I say to him and he nods at me. "You know you love the fact that I got it."

"Yeah," he mumbles and then grins. "Can I see it?"

"You want to see my tattoo?" I ask him, laughing a little.

"It's been a while since I've seen it," he defends himself. "And it's so damn sexy, Hales."

That line does it and I stand up for him. I let him raise my shirt and I feel his fingers trace over the '23' that's become a part of my skin. It's been there for so long, and I don't even remember it half the time. It's just a part of who I am now, just like Nathan is a part of who I am.

"Did I tell you that I love the fact that you got this?" he questions me as his fingers still trace over the numbers.

"Not lately," I answer, closing my eyes at how good his fingers feel against my skin. It's been too long since he's just simply touched me like this. And it feels amazing now.

"Well I do, baby," he says huskily. "I love this tattoo on you. It's probably one of the smartest things you've ever done. Besides marry me." I don't even have to open my eyes and turn around to know that he's smirking right now. But whatever. I'll just let him smirk. For now.

"Well thanks," I mutter.

I can feel him stand up behind me, and my eyes pop open and I tense a little at how close he's getting. It's not that I don't like it. It's just this is the first really intimate situation we've been in in months, and it's kind of making me nervous. "You okay?" he whispers. He doesn't wait for my answer…just begins leaving a trail of kisses on my neck.

I take a deep breath and nod. "I'm good," I whisper back, leaning my head back against his shoulder to give him greater access.

"You sure?" he gets out in between kisses. "I can stop."

"No," I mumble, my eyes drifting shut again. "Don't stop. Don't ever stop." He feels so good right now. I don't want him to stop. Ever again. I needed this time with him - we needed this time together.

"I won't," he promises me in a low voice, spinning me around so he can kiss me on the lips. I twine my arms around his neck, and he presses himself into me. I can feel his erection pressing against me, and if possible, a few more butterflies make their way into my stomach.

"Is the door locked?" I ask him breathlessly when we pull apart just to get a few gulps of air. He steps away from me then to check it and comes back right away.

"It is now," he informs me, smiling a little. "You know once we start this, we're not going to stop," he says. "You sure you want this?"

"I want it," I tell him sincerely and firmly. I really do want it. Now that it's started, there's nothing that I want more. "I love you, Nathan."

"I love you too, Haley," he replies before coming back to me. His hands tug at the bottom of my shirt, and I lift my arms for him. He gently tugs my shirt off and throws it aside. He looks me over, smiling as he does so. "You're beautiful."

"Stop it," I mutter, trying to cover myself up.

"Don't," he orders softly, pulling my hands down to my sides, interlocking our fingers as his lips meet mine again. He pulls me towards him a few seconds later as he sinks down to the bed. His lips only leave mine briefly so he can sit there, and I move to straddle him, pulling off his shirt before kissing him again.

I can feel his hands move to my backside, and I don't try to resist when they begin to unhook my bra. I grind down against him a little, loving the reaction I get from him. He presses himself against me and his lips come at mine just a little bit rougher.

His hands come up to massage my bare breasts, and I moan in pleasure as he continues to ravish me with his lips. "You feel so good," he murmurs, his tongue coming out to dance with mine.

"You too," I murmur back. I start to take his belt off and throw it against the floor, not caring where it goes. My fingers move to the button on his jeans and I open them, letting my hand slide down to his hardened length. He starts to move his hands against my breasts harder, and in turn, I start to pump him going harder with each move of my hand. He groans and we break apart for a minute to rid ourselves of the rest of our clothing, and then there's nothing between us but some Victoria's Secret panties and his boxers.

"Are these new?" he asks softly, fingering the waistband of my panties.

"I think I got them a few months ago," I answer and I go back to the task that I already started. He slips my panties off and a few minutes later, I slip off his boxers, and we fall back against his bed.

And the whole time, the only things running through my head are how long it's been, how much I've missed him, and how right this feels.


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry for the delay in updating. I've been so busy, and i know you guys probably forgot about this story or completely hate me, but hopefully, the end of this chapter can make up for that! Good news for our favorite couple! Enjoy and review! :)**

**-Lindsay**

* * *

My arms are wrapped securely around Nathan's bare chest and his breathing is light and even, and I know he's sleeping. I don't know how he can sleep when something so huge happened between us, but then again, it's Nathan. He doesn't think about things as much as I do.

Everything that happened between us just seems so huge. And it kind of is. We haven't been together that way in months, and it felt good, and it felt right. But we just had sex in his rehab facility for crying out loud! I mean, who does that? People could probably hear us! I'm not sorry that it happened. It was great. I'm just a little embarrassed right now.

He shifts a little, and I look up at him as his eyes flutter open. "Hi," he mumbles, his voice laced with sleep. "What are you thinking about?"

"How we just had sex while you're at rehab!" I admit, cringing a little as it comes out.

He just laughs. But I'm not surprised about that. He doesn't get embarrassed as easily as I do. "Hales, it'd been like seven months! It was bound to happen sometime!"

"But while you're at rehab?" I ask, feeling his chest rumble with laughter underneath me.

"You know that's the real reason you came here, Haley. You were missing it so much."

"Well I did miss it," I admit, "and you…but I really came to remind you of all the good in our lives. And so we could just get all the hard stuff out of the way before you come home."

"And for sex," he adds, the smirk full blown on his gorgeous face.

"Oh yeah. And for sex," I mutter as I roll my eyes at him. "It was good, huh?"

He smiles and kisses the top of my head. "Yeah, Hales, it was good." He glances over at the clock then and groans. "I have a session in like nine minutes."

"Oh." I try to hide the disappointment on my face. I don't want him to go. I want to just lie here with him and forget the rest of the world is out there. But we can't. He's in rehab, and the only way he can go home is if he completes these sessions. "Well you should go."

"I don't want to," he tells me, sounding like a petulant child. I lean up to kiss the pout off of his lips. "I want to stay here with you."

"Me too. But the more sessions you go to, the sooner you get home to me, and we can lie in our bed like this whenever we want."

"When we don't have Jamie begging to go swimming or begging to go to the River Court," he reminds me.

We both smile at the thought of our son and I roll away from him and grab my clothes, beginning to put them on. He smirks at me and watches and I wag a finger in his face. "You need to get up! You have a session!"

"I know," he mutters, pushing himself up out of bed.

"Nathan, you should take a quick shower. You probably smell like sex!"

"No one is going to care, Hales. Hell, half of those people probably don't remember the smell of sex so it's not like it's going to matter."

I roll my eyes at him. "Go take a shower. I'll go back to your mom's and shower and call to check on Jamie. I'll be back in an hour. Two at the most."

He nods and struts over to me, taking me in his arms. "Did I tell you that I'm really glad you came?"

"Hmm, only about five times now," I tell him, drumming my fingers lightly on his lips. "But it doesn't hurt to hear it again."

"Well." He leans down to press a quick kiss to my lips. "I'm really glad you came."

"Me too," I agree. I kiss him one more time and pull away from him, swatting him on the rear as I do so. "Go take a shower!"

---

I finish curling my hair and set the curling iron against the sink, unplugging it from the wall. I check my appearance in the mirror one more time, smoothing out my shirt. I just want everything to be perfect since I'm leaving early tomorrow morning. Like four AM early. God. It's early even for me, and I'm usually an early riser.

I grab my phone and scroll down to Brooke's house number. I haven't spoken to Jamie all day, and I miss my boy. She answers immediately so she probably checked the caller ID and saw it was me. "Hello there, Teacher Mom!"

"Hi," I greet back happily. "What are you and my son up to?"

"Wellllll," she drawls out, "you might be pissed at me but I just took him to get some ice cream. He was begging me, Hales, and you know he's just too cute to resist."

"Yes." I sigh. "He's got that going for him…no one can resist that face. Especially when he breaks out the pout."

"Tell me about it," she groans. "I'd give that boy whatever he wanted if you and Nathan would let me. You produced such adorable offspring."

I laugh. "Why thank you. How's he doing?"

"He's great," she answers and I can hear the smile in her voice. She really does love him. "We went to the park earlier and out to lunch…got some ice cream…went and fed your dogs, that are getting huge, by the way! And he's watching a movie now."

"Oh yeah? Did you guys have fun?"

"We did," she tells me. "You know, I really don't like the playground…like I think it's disgusting that little filthy handed children share all the same toys and no one every comes to disinfect them, but whatever. It's fun occasionally."

I laugh. "I don't know what we'd do without your bluntness, Brookie."

"Me either!" she replies loudly. "You'd just be bored all the time, and you wouldn't have such a kick-ass godmother for your son. And that, my friend, would suck."

"It definitely would," I agree.

"How's Nate?" she asks, changing the subject.

"He is…wonderful," I say as I smile at the thought of him. "He looks so good. He's walking. Like on his own…no crutches or cane or anything, and he looks damn good doing it."

"That's - " She doesn't finish her sentence and lets out a loud gasp. "You two had sex!"

"Brooke!" I admonish. "You better pray that my son is not sitting next to you! And how the hell can you tell we had sex?!"

"He's in the living room. I'm in the kitchen working on some sketches, and you've got that sex voice!"

"Sex voice?!" I try to understand that one. I've never heard that before. And I'm pretty sure that my voice sounds the same as it always does. "What is a sex voice?"

"I can't explain it, Haley," she mutters. "I have just had a lot of experience in the sexual area, and I can tell when people have had sex, and you have had sex."

"Whatever," I mumble, a little embarrassed that she realized it so quickly. When I get back to Tree Hill, I might as well like paste a sign to my body that says 'I just had sex' in big bold letters.

"How was it?" she asks excitedly.

"Good," I answer, "and that's all I'm saying."

"Well of course it was good!" she exclaims. "It's been freaking forever since you two have jumped in the sack, and don't try to deny that one! I'm not stupid!"

"I know, I know," I reply. "So, can I talk to Jamie real fast? I've gotta get back to Nathan. I told him I wouldn't be gone long."

"Sure," she says. "Congratulations on the sex!" She giggles before she gets off the line and a few seconds later, Jamie's voice comes through.

"Mama?" he asks into the phone.

I smile at the sound of his voice. "Hey, buddy," I greet him. "What are you up to?"

"Watching a movie," he responds. "Are you with Daddy?"

"Daddy had a meeting," I tell him. "I came back to Grandma Deb's for a little bit, but I'm getting ready to go back and see him. I can have him call you later if you want me to."

"Okay," he tells me happily. "Are you having fun?"

"I am having a really nice time, yes," I reply. "Are you having fun with Brooke and Peyton?"

"Well, Peyton's at work," he explains. "But me and Brooke are having fun! We went to the park and got ice cream and lunch!"

"Sounds like fun! Listen, baby, I've gotta get back to Daddy now, but I'm glad you're having fun, and I'll be back home tomorrow to get you sometime, okay?"

"Okay," he repeats. "Bye Mama, love you."

"Love you too."

---

"Hey." Nathan smiles at me when he opens the door to his room. "You look nice."

"Yeah. It's amazing what some makeup and a curling iron can do for a girl's looks, you know."

"Whatever. You always look good, Hales."

"Thanks." I smile back at him and throw my purse on a chair in his room. "How was your session?"

"It was really good today," he replies, sitting on his bed. "Some are good and some are bad, but today it was good. That's probably due to that fact that you're here though."

"What did you guys talk about?" I wonder as I kick off my shoes and cross my legs underneath me after I sit down beside him.

"The future," he answers. "For the first time in a long time, I actually feel like I have one. Like I'm able to make plans now, you know? Before, I wouldn't leave the house and I was stuck to that bottle…but now I can actually go out and do things with you and Jamie. I'm getting my life back, Hales."

I smile and rub his shoulder gently. "I'm so glad, Nathan. It's about time, you know? We've all been waiting a long time for you to get to this point."

"I know," he says. "Luke and I talked about going out to dinner or something once I get back…you know, try and build our relationship back up. I let him down a lot, but I'm not going to do that anymore."

"I know you won't. I talked to Jamie a little bit ago. He and Brooke went to the park and out for ice cream…he said he wants you to call him tonight if you get a chance. Or tomorrow even. It probably doesn't matter as long as you call him sometime this weekend."

"I'll definitely do that." He nods. "He sounded good?"

"He sounded great. He's a really happy kid, despite all that's happened."

"I hope so…I'm worried that I've really affected him sometimes. I feel like I've destroyed his childhood or something with my mistakes."

I shake my head. "Nathan, in a few months, he won't remember any of this. He'll just keep on growing up, and the more he does, the more he'll forget. He'll be fine. You'll see."

"I hope you're right," he says, running a hand through his dark hair.

"It's all going to work out, Nathan." I give him a smile to reassure him. "So…when do you think you're going to get out of here?"

"Well, I wanted to wait a few more weeks honestly," he answers, shrugging. "I just want to be on the safe side. I don't want to go home and pick up a bottle as soon as I get back there, you know?" I nod at him. "But seeing you today? Realizing how much you support me and love me? I think I can come home in a few days. As long as you've got my back, I'll be fine."

"I've always got your back," I remind him. "You know that."

"Yeah," he agrees as a light smile comes across his face. "I think coming home in a few days will work out just fine. I'm ready."

And he has finally spoken the words I've been dying to hear for two months.


	19. Chapter 19

**Well, Nathan has finally returned home in this chapter. Yay! I'm sure many of you were waiting for when it actually was going to happen. As a writer, I just wanted to bring him home as soon as I sent him away to rehab. But of course, that couldn't happen. And of course, as it would be in the real world, Nathan returning home from rehab is not easy. But things will get better for everyone in this story. I promise. Thank you for reading and reviewing! I appreciate it so, so much!**

**-Lindsay**

* * *

I follow Nathan into the house, watching as he drops his bag into the foyer. I can't believe this day is actually here. He's home now. He's really and truly home.

I walk around him and go into the kitchen. After I drop his bag from the rehab center and his papers on the counter, I walk back out to find him in the exact same position he was before - hands in his pockets, just looking around our house.

"What are you doing?" I ask him, walking up and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Just looking," he says, smiling down at me. "It really doesn't look too different in here."

"Nope." I shake my head. "But…you should come out back with me. I think you should see your son's two best friends."

"Oh, God," he groans. "I completely forgot you bought him dogs. Well, let me see 'em."

I take him by the hand and lead him through the house and into the backyard. He smiles and shakes his head when he sees them running through the yard to come up to me. "Looks like they're more your best friends than Jamie's."

"Maybe," I allow, kneeling down the pet the girls. "This one's Sadie and this one's Sophie," I tell him, pointing them out. "Girls, this is Nathan. He's your daddy!"

He rolls his eyes. "God, you even talk to them like they're your best friends."

"Oh, hush!" I stand up to swat him on the chest. "Well tell them hello! Pat them on the head or something! Don't just stand there and stare!"

He chuckles and leans down, rubbing both dogs on their heads. "It's good to be home," he tells me, looking around the backyard. "Really good."

"It's good to have you home. Jamie's with Lucas right now," I explain to him, "but Luke said whenever you're ready to see him, you can just call and he'll bring him right over. They're both anxious to see you."

"I'm anxious to see them too." He turns to me with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, a shy smile on his face. "Thank you, Haley."

"For what?" I ask him.

"For getting me back. I'm here because of you - for you. You saved me again." He sighs and wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him.

"You saved yourself, Nathan," I whisper, allowing my head to fall against his chest. "I just helped get you there."

"No, baby," he denies. "Any chance I had at a recovery was because of you and Jamie. If I didn't have you two, I wouldn't be where I am right now, you know? I mean, I'm actually in recovery now."

"I know," I agree with him. "And I'm so proud of you for that. You're doing great right now. You're going to do great."

"It's going to be really hard in the beginning, I think," he voices to me, a little bit of fear apparent in his voice. "But I think it'll get easier."

"It will." I nod against his chest. "It's just going to take some time. You can't get everything back at once."

"But I've got you and Jamie back right now," he reminds me, "and honestly, at this point, that's all that matters to me. The rest can wait."

"Yeah," I agree, closing my eyes. I take a deep breath and breathe in his scent. "The rest can wait."

---

"Daddy!"

The door slams shut and Nathan and I both hear Jamie's footsteps as he runs through the house, presumably looking for his daddy. Nathan laughs and takes off for Jamie, meeting him halfway between the foyer and the kitchen.

"Daddy!" Jamie cheers, running to him. Nathan lifts him up and holds him tight. "Daddy! You're back!"

"I'm back," he repeats happily. "How are you doing, Jimmy Jam?"

"Good! Oh, Daddy, I'm so happy you're here! You can play ball with me and Uncle Luke now! And you can take me swimming! Oh! Oh! And guess what?! There's a bring your dad to school day this year! Will you come with me, Daddy? Please? Will you?"

Nathan and I laugh at his enthusiasm. Lucas walks up behind them and winks at me. "I would love to go with you, Jamie," Nathan tells him, putting him down so he can give me a hug.

"Hi, baby." I smile at him and kiss his head. "Did you and Uncle Luke have fun?"

"That kid wore me out," Lucas answers for him. "He's been so excited to have his daddy home that he hasn't been able to sleep…unfortunately for me, I've been dead tired. And Jamie just wore me out even more."

"Sorry." Nathan and I both shrug at Luke. Honestly, Luke's weariness is the last thing on my mind right now. Our family is back together and that's all that matters right now.

"It's good to have you home, Nate." Lucas smiles at his brother before walking over and enveloping him in a hug. "You look good."

"Thanks." Nathan smiles at him.

"You're not sad anymore, right, Daddy?" Jamie questions, looking up at his father. It's so obvious that he thinks the world of his father still, and I think it's really good. I know Nathan was worried that Jamie wouldn't look up to him the same way he always has, but he doesn't have to worry about that. Jamie still thinks Nathan hung the moon and the stars, I'm sure.

"I'm not sad anymore," Nathan says, crouching down to his level. "I'm not going to be sad either. I promise, buddy."

"Good." Jamie wraps his arms around his daddy's neck again. "Me and Mama don't like it when you're sad."

"I don't like it either," he agrees. "But it won't happen anymore. We're all going to be happy again, Jamie."

It makes me a little nervous that Nathan is promising Jamie this. I can't lie about that. I mean, he just got home and he's already making promises to our son…when we know the statistics about alcoholics and their recovery. They slip sometimes. It's not hard to do, and I just don't want to see that happen to Nathan.

I know Nathan is stronger than a lot of people, and he was in rehab a lot longer than most people go for. He probably has a better chance of staying sober…but there's always that chance that something could go wrong and he'll slip. I don't like to think about that, but it's there. I can't ignore that.

I don't want him to think now that he's home, everything is just going to be perfect. If he thinks that, everything will probably fall apart again. I don't want him to get his hopes up right now. So many things still need to be said and done between Nathan and a lot of people. He's got apologies to make, relationships to restore…I just don't want him to think it's all going to be better now that he's home…because that's definitely not the situation.

I know he knows that not everything will be perfect. But it seems like he wants it to be so badly, and you know what? I think we all do. We all want to forget what happened and just move on with our lives, but if we forget, then we'll just be in the situation we were in a few months ago. We have to remember what happened, and we have to let that guide us to better lives. Without remembering, we'll lose it all.

An hour later, after Lucas has left and Jamie has gone upstairs to feed Chester and play on his PlayStation, Nathan and I sit on the couch. We face each other and he gives me an easy smile. "It's good to be back," he tells me again.

I nod at him. "It's good to have you back." I take a deep breath, realizing this is probably the moment where we need to talk about things…get everything in the open. "Nathan…I know how excited you are to be here, and how ready you are for everything to get back to normal, but…I just don't think it's going to be that easy."

He raises his eyebrows at me. "Care to explain that to me?"

"Yeah." I move closer to him and take his large hands in my smaller ones. "It's just…you were talking to Jamie and you were promising him that everything was going to work out. And I know that most likely, it will. We'll get it all back one day, but it seems like you think we've got it all back right now, and we don't."

"Hales." He sighs. "I didn't mean to imply that - "

I hold up my hand to stop him. "I know that you didn't mean to make Jamie think that everything was going to be perfect from now on. I know that…it's just…he's a little boy, and I don't want him to get his hopes up. There's always a chance that things won't work out."

"You mean there's a chance that I'll slip," he translates. "Haley, if you think that, then why did you even let me come home?"

"I don't think you're going to slip!" I defend immediately. "It's not that at all! I'm just saying that you can't get it all back at once, and there's always a chance that you will slip!"

"So you think I will," he surmises, letting go of my hands. "You think I'm going to slip. Thank you, Haley," he mutters in sarcasm. "Your support and faith in me is touching."

"God, Nathan," I groan. He's shutting down on me already, and we just got him home. Way to go Haley. Ugh. "I do have faith in you and I do support you! I just don't think everything is going to be perfect like you seem to think it is!"

"Haley, I don't think everything is going to be perfect!" he argues with me. "I know I blew the chance of perfection the night I got in that fight! But I don't think everything is going to fall apart again like you seem to think!"

"I don't think it's going to fall apart again, Nathan!"

"Then what do you think?" he questions me, raising his voice. "I mean, God, Haley! You tell me this shit and you expect me to believe that you don't think I'm going to fail?" He shakes his head. "I should have stayed in South Carolina."

My jaw drops at that comment. "You know what? Maybe you should have! Maybe you weren't as ready as you thought you were!"

"Maybe not," he agrees calmly and then blows out a frustrated breath. "Haley, I don't want to do this."

"Do what?" I question, trying to will the anger to leave my body. This was supposed to be a conversation that he just needs to watch it. It wasn't supposed to escalate to this mess already. He just got home!

"Fight with you," he answers, looking me hard in the eye. "I don't want to fight about anything. I just want to be here with you, you know?"

I nod and a tear slips down my cheek. "Nathan, I didn't want to make you think you were going to fail. I know you're strong. I know you won't slip…but you know, there's always a chance, and I just want you to remember that."

"I do, but you reminding me of it as soon as I get home doesn't help me, Hales," he says calmly, holding out his arm so I can cuddle up to him. I do so and he starts to stroke my hair. "I know you're just looking out for me, okay? I know that. But can you start the looking out tomorrow? Can't we just be together for one day and not worry about anything? I just got home, baby."

"I didn't mean to start anything with you," I whisper as I wipe another tear off of my cheek. "You just seemed so dead set on everything being perfect when in reality, it's not going to be like that. There's so much we still have to fix."

"Well then, we'll start fixing it tomorrow. Deal?"

I pull back to look at his face and give him a shaky smile. "Deal."


End file.
